Our Torturous Fates
by Tygercat2
Summary: Emily's a victim of childhood abuse determined to never have a real relationship. Jamie's a rookie cop who can't let this firefighter go. Will they be able to survive her past? Can he stay in her future?
1. The Protector

**A/N: Hey all, the first few chapters will be back round, but will be important to read. Some Reagan's will be in them occasionally. I'm going to tell you right now that in this chapter Emily will seem very smart for her age, but let me tell you now it is possible in her situation. Jamie Reagan doesn't come in until Chapter 14/15. I would suggest reading every chapter up to that though or else things mentioned later on in the story will not make sense. Have fun!**

**Emily POV**

**11 years old**

I listened to my dad screaming at my mom in the other room while I sat holding my siblings to me, trying to cover their ears. Kate, my younger sister, was crying. Sam, my younger brother and the middle child, was trying to hide his sniffles. We heard glass break, and we all jumped. I shushed my siblings, and prayed that it would end. I was shivering in fear. Then we heard footsteps.

Kate started crying louder, "Don't let him come in here Emmie." She was four, and had a speech problem.

I nodded my head and looked at the bedroom door, "I won't Katie. The door's locked." I paused as the footsteps stopped outside my door. Quickly I covered Sam's and Katie's mouths as I held my breath. Maybe if Dad didn't hear us he wouldn't come in. We waited a minute, and Dad walked on. I let out my breath, and let go of my siblings. I crawled out of the bed, and sat on the floor by the door. "Ok you two, you know the drill."

Sam nodded and wiped his eyes, "We sleep on the bed and wake you up if we hear anything, even Mom."

I gave him a small smile, "Right Sam. How'd you get so smart?" I gently ruffled his hair, and he just wiped it back to the way it was. I tried not to laugh.

The next day we didn't have school so I let them sleep in. I slipped out of the door quietly and moved the coffee table slightly so I would hear if the door opened. Sam would just brush it on his way out the door. I hated to do it to Sam, but I also needed to know where he was.

I walked along the rug so Mom couldn't hear me. I didn't even know if she was up yet, but I knew we'd need breakfast soon. I looked in the fridge, and saw we hardly had any milk left. I reached up to the freezer, and finally gave up. I grabbed the step and brought it over. I peeked into the freezer, and saw we only had waffles. I'd give some to Katie and Sam first, and then see what we had left.

I tried to ignore my stomach growling as I put the waffles in the toaster; ignore the delicious smell. There wasn't enough food for me to eat this morning. When the food was done I crept back to my room, Sam and Kate were still asleep. I left the plate of food on the floor next to the bed, and went to find Mom.

Right as I was about to go into the living room, I heard voices. I hid in the corner behind the doorway, and feared it was my dad. Then I realized it wasn't a voice I recognized. I stayed to listen though.

"Henry, I can't. What about the kids?"

I peered around the corner and saw my mother talking to a police officer. He looked kind of old. "Take them with you. It's the only way you'll survive."

"He'd kill us all if he ever found out."

The man seemed to think for a few moments, "I'm not a street officer anymore. I can't always be the one to respond to the domestic disturbance calls."

My mother bowed her head and continued. Her Italian accent flowed through, "I can't. He'd kill my babies."

"What if I have my son, Francis, help you? He's doing very well in the police department now."

My mom shook her head, and stifled a sob, "No, no, no. It'll be better if I just go. He hasn't hurt them yet, he won't hurt them if I'm gone." Apparently I had hid my bruises from my mother better than I suspected.

I started to cry as I thought about my mom leaving us. It was hard enough getting my dad away from Sam and Kate with her here, how could I do it with her gone? She tries to protect us as much a she can, but it doesn't always work. Does she think it will just stop if she leaves?

Three weeks later, my father killed her as she tried to leave him. Somehow he made it look like self defense; that she attacked him. The same police officer was at the house the day she died. At the funeral he gave me his number saying I could call him if I ever needed to. Dad tore that paper up when we got home. We were fine for a few weeks, until my dad started drinking again. He started beating me not long after. There were few times when I could defend myself.

It wasn't until three years later, when he started to hit Katie and Sam, that we were put into foster care.


	2. Saving Chidren

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm pretty sure I'll have mot of this finished before I post it, but not sure. Enjoy!**

**I only own the characters you don't see on T.V. And the plotline.**

**Emily POV**

Here we were, I was almost fifteen, Sam was twelve, and Kate was seven. We were currently sitting in the local Child Protective Services office. The police came to out house yesterday morning. When they burst in the house, I was on the ground in pain, my father kicking me. I had a broken rib, and a dislocated shoulder. My ribs were taped at the hospital later that day, and my arm put in a sling. I really wanted to itch my ribs; the tape was sticky.

I sighed and looked out the conference room window in to the social workers office. She was pacing back and forth with her phone in her hands. I was pretty sure she was going to get stuck on the cord eventually. I watched her mouth to see if I could make out what she was saying. I only made out, "No Family," and "Heartless bastard." Well, she was right about both things; we had no living family and my dad was a heartless bastard. Our mom's family was back in Italy, and our dad's family died when we were little.

I looked back to Sam and Kate sitting next to me, huddled together. My left arm was holding them close to my body. We had no good winter clothes, and it was freezing in this room. I would give them what body heat I had.

Not ten minutes later the social services worker walked back in. She sat down next to me, and I moved my body to shield Sam and Kate from her. The lady obviously noticed because she scooted her chair backwards a few inches. "We can put you into a new home today." I had to stop myself from correcting her. Our house had never been a home, what made her think a new place could be? "In fact, the family is willing to take all three of you." I nodded, there was no way I was leaving these two alone with someone I didn't know. Well, there was no way I was leaving these two alone. "It is a little further upstate than we would like, but transferring schools should not be a problem for the three of you." Again I nodded, what help Same and Kate needed in school, I tutored them for.

I looked back at Katie, and saw her fear. I knew what would comfort her though, "We need a few things from our house." She wanted her teddy bear that I had gotten her for Christmas last year. I didn't eat for a week to save up for that.

The lady shook her head, "You can tell me what you need, and I can grab it for you. The rest your new family can buy for you."

I shook my head, "We're not leaving until we have some things from our house." The lady moved her hand towards mine, and Katie shrieked. I started rubbing her hair with my hand and that calmed her. I kissed her forehead then turned back to the lady, "We need those things. These two can stay outside the house while I go in and get everything we need."

The lady looked at me with pity in her eyes and nodded, "All right. Give me an hour to arrange it."

I nodded. Sam moved his mouth to my ear, "I'm hungry. An I kinda want a shower."

I smiled at him and whispered in his ear, "So that stink was you!" He giggled, then covered his hand with his mouth. I brushed his hand away and smiled at him.

I turned back to the lady, "Can we have showers? And these two are hungry. Could they have a granola bar or something?" I just needed to get them taken care of and I'd be fine. I tried not to itch my ribs again.

The lady paused, "At the hospital, didn't they….why didn't you…yes hun. I'll get extra clothes for all of you too. I'm sure you want some more of your pain meds too."

I shook my head, "I'm fine ma'am. It's just these two." I tired to cover the sound of my stomach growling.

The lady gave me a small smile, "I know darling. I'll just bring you food in case you get hungry later." She nodded her head and left.

I turned to look at my siblings, "Ok guys. It looks like we're going to go to a new house tonight. So when we go to our old house, you need to think of things you want to bring. When we get there, I'll run in and grab tem quick. I think mom's old duffle bag is still in the hall closet. I'll grab some extra clothes for the two of you too."

Sam looked at me over Katie's head, "What about you Em? You'll need stuff too. I can come in the house with you while you grab things." As soon as he said that Katie clutched both of us closer. I tried not to wince in pain as she jostled my ribs.

I pulled away from the both of them for a second and looked them each in the eye, "I'll be fine. I always have, haven't I? As soon as you two are taken care of, if there's time, I might go in and get a few of mom's old things. Would you too like that?" They both nodded their heads and I pulled them closer again.

About twenty minutes later the lady came back in with a bag of clothes and three bags of fast food. I could smell it; the greasy fries, a burger, and what smelled like chocolate. I tried not to moan in hunger. The lady laid the bags down in front of us, and the bag of clothes next to my chair. "When you all are done eating, ask the police officer outside to escort you to the showers on 3rd floor. They should all be empty, and have towels in them already. Then when you're done, come back up here." I nodded, and grabbed the food out of the bags for Sam and Emily. I gave them each a container of fries, and a burger. I set the pop beside their bag, and the milkshakes behind them. They would have to eat their food first. Then I took the food out of my bag, and examined it. My burger had two patties on it, and my container of fries was much larger than the other two's. I looked around to find the lady for an explanation, but she had already left. I poured more fries onto Katie's place, and took out a patty from my burger. I placed it inside Sam's while he wasn't looked. Then I sat and watched them eat.

**The lady's POV**

As soon as I set the bags of food on the table I left the room. I wanted to give them some privacy for a while. I went to the room behind it that had the double mirror looking into the room. I thanked the Lord that Emily had not noticed this. She was suspicious of everything, and rightfully so given her situation. I hadn't even thought of the children being hungry, so when I did, I got Emily the most food. The hospital had said she was the most malnourished. I suspected she gave food to her siblings every chance she got.

I heard the door open but didn't bother to check who it was. There was only one person who knew I would be in here, "Inspector Reagan. Nice to see you."

"Ms. Smith."

He came to stand next to me and watched the children. We watched as Emily gave Sam the extra patty on her burger, and Kate more fries. I sighed, she had noticed. She didn't start eating until the kids had slowed theirs. When they started their shakes, she gave them each some of hers. I noticed Sam slide some of his fries into Emily's pile when she wasn't looking. So he had known what she had done. It seemed Kate was none the wiser to her amount of food. Sam and Kate were done in less than five minutes. I was sure they were going to puke because of how fast they ate, but they didn't even look sick. I noticed Kate eyeing Emily's food while she finished, so she handed Kate her shake.

I heard her mumble, "Don't eat that too fast. You'll get a brain freeze."

Kate nodded, but didn't listen. After a minute she put it down and rubbed her temple. Emily rolled her eyes. Frank chuckled next to me, "The kid should've listened." After a minute she picked the shake up again.

I looked at Frank, "They won't tell me what they've been through, but I can suspect. They won't even tell me what grade they're in."

He nodded, "I'll walk them down to the showers. I won't leave their side. I'll see if I can get them to talk."

"Thank you." We both knew these children had a long road of recovery ahead of them.

**Emily POV**

I was still hungry once we finished all the food, but I knew I'd be happy as long as Katie and Sam were full.

I opened the door, and saw a tall policeman standing next to it. He looked down at me, "Hello, I'm Frank."

I backed up a little to keep my distance. Kate came over to me, and peered around me, "I'm Kate." I pushed her back into the room slightly.

"Can I see your badge?" The man looked surprised, but did as I asked. I took it, and inspected it. It felt like the last one I had seen. I nodded and handed it back. I backed up another step, I was sure this man was at least six inches taller than me. Sam stood up from the table, and came to stand near me. I noticed he stood on my right side, where my dislocated shoulder was. We both knew that we would protect Katie no matter what.

The man seemed to notice this because he stepped back too, "Do you want to go take a shower now?"

Kate looked around me again, "Do you have bubbles?"

I mumbled, "Soap."

"Right. Soap. Do you have soap? Will it make bubbles?" The man got down on one knee, and leaned to her ear. Immediately Sam and I tensed up. I grabbed Sam's arm to stop him; it would not be good to assault a police officer. Katie's face lit up though, and we relaxed. Katie turned to me, "He says they have purple soap! Can we please Emmie! Please!"

I smiled slightly, "Yeah honey. Of course we can."

I started grabbing the garbage while Sam stayed by Kate. The officer reached for me, and I had to stop myself from jumping back. I closed my eyes to get my heart to slow down, "Sorry." I mumbled.

I opened my eyes again, and the officer shook his head, "My fault. I was just going to say you don't have to do that. I'll get it later."

I dropped the things in my hands, confused, "But we made the mess. I have to clean it up."

He shook his head again, and slowly grabbed the trash, "I've got it. Just wait outside while I clean it up, ok?"

I nodded, and walked around him. I grabbed Katie's hand and Sam followed. I stood right outside the doorway, leaning against the wall. Katie was standing next to the desk in front of us, playing with the paperclips on it. The officer came out of the room with the trash in his hands. I tapped Katie on the shoulder and put my hand on her shoulder, leading her. I peeked behind me and saw Sam grab a few of the colored paperclips for Katie. I glared at him, and he put them back. At the house the only way we ever got anything new was if I took money and got it; or if I riffled in dumpsters.

About five minutes later the officer stopped in front of a locker room. He turned to look at us, "This is a girls locker room, but it isn't really used anymore. I'll stand out here and wait until you're done."

I looked at Sam, "Let me check to see if there's anyone in here." He snickered and nodded. I shook my head, he was always trying to play pranks on people. I walked through the whole thing and saw no one. When I got outside I grabbed Katie's hand. I led her to one shower section, then pointed to another for Sam. "Sam, when you're done, stand outside. Then I'll take a shower." He waved a hand to let me know he heard me. I knelt next to Katie and handed her a bottle of soap, "As long as you wash yourself I'll let you stay in here loner okay?" She nodded, "I'll come get you when you have to dry off. You're clothes will be right here so they don't get wet." She nodded and ran inside. I stood up and walked back outside the room. I sat on the chair next to the entrance.

The officer came around the corner and stopped when he saw me, "You can take a shower too."

I looked at him, then away. "I'm fine. I can wait."

He sighed, "Well you haven't even told me your full name." I harrumphed; I didn't even know this man. Why should I tell him anything? "Fine, I can start. My name is Francis Reagan. I work here, as a 1st grade Inspector."

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, "You said your name was Frank."

"It's a nickname. It seems more serious than 'Francis'. Only my parents call me that." I looked at him, he looked old enough to have kids, maybe even grandkids at this point. He saw my look and laughed, "Yeah I know. It sounds like I'm a little kid right?"

I heard someone coming around the corner. I looked to see who it was. I didn't recognize the person, but I glared at them. They kept walking and didn't pay the officer-Frank- any attention. I looked at Frank, "Do you have kids?"

He nodded, "Four. Danny and Erin are the oldest. Danny works in construction, and Erin's in law school. Joe's around your age, and Jamie's the youngest. He's Sam's age."

I nodded, "Where do they go to school?"

"St. Bart's catholic school. Where did you go to school?"

"I didn't. Sam and Katie went to the public school though. I tested into high school two years ago, but my dad never enrolled me. Do you know how social services missed that?"

He looked at me, "Their records indicate you were homeschooled."

I nodded, "So will I have to go to school?"

"Most likely you'll go to the high school where you'll live."

I sighed, "Ok."

We were silent for a few second then Frank said, "How long was your father beating you?"

I tensed; I hadn't suspected him to ask me about my dad. "I don't know."

His voice softened, "You're a bright girl Emily. I'm sure you do know."

Well, I suppose someone had to know, "Since Sam was born. Most often he'd beat my mother, then when she was too weak to move, he'd move on to me. He hardly ever touched Sam or Katie though. I made sure of that." There was more than one time I had hit my father when he had tried to hit them. "When my mother died, he beat me more. The only time he beat Sam was when I wasn't home one weekend." Sam walked out of the locker room and I ruffled his hair, "All clean?"

"Yeah. You can go shower now, I'll wait out here."

I pushed myself up from the chair and turned into the locker room. Right before the entrance I stopped. "Inspector Reagan, my father killed my mother. Can you put keep him in jail with that information?"

"Yeah. We'll dig up her body and prove it." I nodded and went to take a shower, lord knows I needed it.


	3. Sticking Together

**A/N: Hey, if you have any questions leave a review and I'll try to answer them! :)**

**I only own the characters you don't see on TV.**

**Emily POV**

That foster home lasted four months. I would punch anybody who would pick on Sam and Katie at school. Sometimes Sam would get in a fight before I heard about it. Either way, we both ended up in the principles office. Our foster parents got tired of us getting suspended.

I remember the conversation I had had with the social worker after that place. I was in her office pacing back and forth, trying to process what she had told me. "what do you mean you might have to separate us?"

"Not many families are willing to take three children, let alone when two of them are constantly getting suspended form school!"

"I told them I'd protect them, and that's what I was doing! I couldn't let them get hurt!"

"You didn't have to beat the other kids up for it!"

I looked at her, "Yes I did! They were stealing Kate's lunch money! They tried to lock Sam into a locker! What if they had gotten hurt!"

"You can't protect them from everything Emily!"

I started pacing again, "Yes I can! As long as I am there, I can protect them. I can't do that from a different home, from a different school!"

"Emily, just please sit down and talk to me about this. Let me explain some things to you."

I went and sat, but glared at her with my arms across my chest, "No."

"Emily, you may not have a choice. There's a foster family willing to take Sam and Kate right now. I could even put them in there if I wanted to. But I know they trust you and whatever decisions you make. I need your blessing on this."

I shook my head, "NO! We stay together!"

She softened her voice, "With this family, you wouldn't need to protect them. There'd be nothing to protect them from."

I paused, but then shook my head. "We stay together."

* * *

><p>We were currently leaving our second foster home. It turns out the father of that home liked little boys. I caught him sneaking into Sam's room one night. That made me glad I slept in the hallway outside their rooms. The night after that I had Sam sleep in my room with Katie. Katie fussed because she liked her own room. When he tried to get into the bed, I broke his nose. Presently I was sitting on the front steps of his house, holding a bag of frozen peas to my eye. Katie was sitting on the opposite end of the stairs, glaring at me occasionally. Sam was sitting on the other side of me, watching me. "You didn't have to do that."<p>

I removed the bag of peas, and looked at him; well with my good eye I looked at him, with the other I squinted at him. I gave him a cross-eyed face and he laughed, "Yes I did. It's my job to protect you, no matter the cost." I lightly elbowed his side and he smiled.

He leaned around me to look at Kate, "You don't have to be such a grouch."

"Hmph."

I smiled, and tapped her shoe with my foot. "Bug, what's wrong?"

That was one of Katie's nicknames when she was little. I had started calling her that lately whenever I needed her to smile. I saw a corner of her mouth twitch up, but she turned away from us. "I don't want to leave."

I slid closer to her, "Katie, look at me." When she turned around I continued, "What that man was about to do to Sam was not okay. In fact, it's more illegal than what dad used to do. I had to protect him. Do you remember what I said to you the first night after we left home?" She nodded. I continued, "Even if you don't want me to, I will always protect you, no matter the cost. Got it?"

She nodded and slid closer toward me. I put my arm around her, and put the bag of peas up to my eye again. Another cop car pulled up, but I recognized the man who got out of it this time. I let him come to us; I was too tired to play this game, "Frank."

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, "Lee." That was his nickname for me. "I was at Joe's baseball game."

"How was he doing?"

"Pretty good. That boy's got a hell of an arm on him."

"Good." I looked Frank in the eye, "Our foster father was about to rape Sam last night. It was the second time he's snuck into Sam's room at night. The only reason he stopped the first time was because I caught him."

He took a deep breath and pointed to my eye, "How'd that happen?"

Sam spoke up, "That's my fault."

I cut him off, "No it wasn't. I slept in Sam's room last night to stop our foster father. He tried to get into bed next to me. He started to lift up my shirt, so I punched him. He fought back. That's when his wife came in."

Frank nodded to his side. I got up and walked with him, "Lee, you've only got three more years in the system."

"Two."

He turned to look at me, "What?"

"I'm sixteen."

We stopped, "When?"

I looked to the ground, I didn't need the extra attention, "A month and a half ago. Right before we got into this home."

Frank leaned down to my level, "Well Happy Birthday Lee." I nodded my head in thanks, "You look a lot healthier than when we first met. You've grown a lot." I nodded again. I had grown three inches in the three months since we left home. He lifted my chin up to look him in the eye, "I'll do my best to make sure this next place lasts longer than the last two combined."

"You only have to make it last until I turn eighteen. Then I'll file for custody for the two of them."

"I'll do my best." With that we walked back towards Sam and Katie.

"Want a piggy back ride Kate?" She nodded, and I leaned down for her to get on.

Frank let me walk around for a bit so Katie could have some fun. Finally we got in the back of his car and he drove us to the social services building.

The next home we were placed in wasn't much better. The mom hit me this time. I'd get in fights at school just to cover up the bruises. Frank stopped by my school one day before I had the chance to et into a fight, and he saw. He had us pulled from that home immediately.

He was driving us to the social services building when I pulled off my jacket, and pulled out my sharpie. I looked at my siblings, "Ok, who wants to write this one?" Sam grabbed the marker from me, and took the coat. I stretched the lining so you could see the other names, and he wrote the name of this past foster home. Three names, three families. I'd let Katie write the name of the next family on the jacket.

I looked at Frank in the mirror, "Don't make me add too many more."

He nodded, "I'll see what I can do."

I shook my head, "That won't be enough this time." We had pulled up to the building. I let Sam and Kate run ahead, they already knew the way to our social worker's desk. I lagged behind with Frank. I sighed, "You only nee to focus on those two. Get them placed together, in a good home, and I can take care of myself. What if I'm not there to protect Sam next time? What if someone goes after Katie?"

We had arrived at the desk by this point so he didn't say anything. He knew I didn't want Sam and Kate to know I was willing to leave them alone. Our social worker looked at me, "I'm going to have to put you three in a group home for a month or two." Before I could interrupt she added, "You will all three be together until I can find you a new home."

I nodded, "Will we have to go to a new school?"

"For the time being, no. But we're going to look at placing you three upstate. There seems to be more families up there wiling to take more than one child." I knew that meant we might get separated.

"Okay." I didn't see Frank again until I was almost eighteen.


	4. Painful Separations

**Emily POV**

We were in the group home for a month and a half. Katie insisted that because we lived there for more than a week, we had to write it on the coat.

Katie and Sam were waiting for there new Foster parents to come pick them up. I was pacing, anxious to meet their new family. I had heard that this family had never had any complaints against them, had successfully raised ten foster children, and three of their own. They could only take two more children at this time though. I insisted Katie and Sam be placed into that home. They didn't need to move around more. They needed a nice, stable family. They needed something I couldn't provide. I continued pacing then had an idea. I knelt next to Katie and Sam, my arm around the both of them. "Guys, I'm going to come visit you as often as I can okay? And if you're new parents allow it, I might even stay overnight every once in a while. Once I get enough money, I'll buy the two of you a cell phone. That way you can call me whenever you want."

Katie sniffled, she had tears in her eyes, "But how are we going to add this place to the list if you don't live there?"

I took the jacket off, then drew two lines off of the list of name. "How's that? One line for you and Sam, the other line for me? Any time you go to a new place, not that you'll have to, you can add it on. Then I'll add any place I go to it. Then when I turn 18, I'll know where to find you guys."

Katie jumped into my arms and clung to my neck, "Don't leave. I promise I'll be good."

I hugged her as hard I could. I didn't know how often I'd get to do this, "Bug, it's not your fault. It's my fault. I've been too bad at school, so I have to stay in the group home for awhile." Their new parents walked up.

"Hello. We'll be Katelyn's and Samuel's new parents."

I stood up and looked at them. "It's Kate and Sam. They haven't been called their full names since they were babies."

We talked for a few more minutes. It mostly involved me telling the two of them all the important information they would need about Sam and Katie. I gave the each of them one more hug before they left, and tried not to let them see me crying.

I waved good bye, then turned to my social worker, "You let me know each home they go to. I never want to be in a home that's more than twenty minutes away from them. I'll stay in as many group homes as you want, but those are my conditions. Got it?" She nodded her head, then drove me back to the group home. I was transferred out of there a week later.

The next house lasted longer than the rest. The man beat me, and the wife wouldn't feed me, but it didn't matter. I was a five minute jog from Sam and Katie. I would go over to their pace at least twice a week. Occasionally at night I would sneak out and go sleep in Katie's room.

This was the first time I had actually made a friend in school, Jason. Whenever my foster parents were really bad, he'd let me stay at his place. His mother knew, but didn't mind. She even gave me extra food to take home with me.

Katie and Sam were moved at the same time I was. Katie and Sam were moved twenty minutes away, and I just across the school district. I could only go see the two of them about once a week now. This home just wouldn't feed me. But I added all the homes to our list.

I left the next place when the father tried to make me undress in front of him. I ran away. I found an abandoned warehouse close to where Sam and Katie lived, but still within the school district. I would take the bus each morning, and got enrolled on the free lunch list. When Jason found out, he made me come live with him. He would sneak me into his bedroom after his parents fell asleep. He was my best friend. He was my first kiss.

I had gotten a different social worker by this time, and she never seemed to notice. When she finally did, I had been living on the streets for three months. She pulled me into her office, and shut the door, "What the hell were you thinking?"

I glared at her, "It was your fault you put me in that crappy place in the first place!"

"If you didn't get into so much trouble at school then I could get a better home for you." I snorted at that word, home. When was the last time I had had one?

"Maybe you should check in on your charges more often. Then you would've noticed at the place before that I had bruises nearly every day!"

"You are the only child I know who seems to get abused at every home!"

"I am not making this up!"

"Then prove it!"

I stormed out of her office. "Fine. If you want me out of the system so bad, I opt out. In three months I turn seventeen anyways!" She pulled me back into her office, and I flinched at the contact. "You haven't even been able to keep my siblings in a good home for very long. They've been in nearly as many home as I have."

She sat down and sighed, "It's very hard to take care of two foster children at a time, let alone two victims of abuse."

I nodded, "I know. That's why I said don't worry about me. I was doing just fine."

She shook her head, "I have to transfer you to a home upstate. It's very near the border."

I sighed. I had been seeing my siblings less and less lately. The last time I got to see them was a month ago. They were calling less frequent. They were answering less of my calls. "Ok." Within a week I was transferred upstate. Little be known, this would be the worst place I had ever lived in.


	5. Never ending pain

**Emily POV**

I didn't know how much time had passed since I had been chained to the barn wall. I had almost no muscle mass, I could barely stand. I was in so much pain that I didn't know where it was all coming from. I hadn't eaten in who knows how long. I was pretty sure I hadn't had any water in even longer than that. I was sure I was dying. Two days after the social worker dropped me off here, they had started beating me. I was never enrolled in a school, so no one missed me. They took my phone, and all my extra clothes. They let me keep my jacket, and the clothes I was wearing. It was months later, and I was so weak I could barely remember what time it was. I wanted to laugh at the irony, but my ribs were already broken.

I rolled over, and tried not to cry out in pain. My wrist was in a shackle. I had tried to get free so many times my arm was broken. My thumb was also dislocated. I cried myself to sleep as I tried not to think about Katie and Sam.

* * *

><p>I couldn't open my eyes anymore. I didn't need food; I just needed to never wake up again. I needed to die so the pain would stop.<p>

* * *

><p>I thought back on what my captors had done to me.<p>

The first week I arrived they locked me in the barn. I wasn't allowed food, just water.

The second week the man came in every night and would rape me. When he tried to force me to give him oral sex, I bit him. That was when he started torturing me. This was beyond beating me. He would use tasers to electrocute me. Somehow he figured out a way to increase the voltage and length of each shock.

Then he started using whips. The week after that he used knives. It was then that he forced me to drink acid to wreck my vocal cords. The whole time he made sure that he would never leave a scar. The week after that he went back to raping me. I lost count of the weeks, the days, the hours, and the weapons he used to torture me. It was around then that I lost my will to live.

The last thing I remembered him doing was sticking the taser inside of me, and turning the power up the furthest it would go. No one heard my screams.

Now I was laying here, waiting to die.

* * *

><p>Pain. Everywhere. Hurts to breath. Can I breathe? Am I alive? Am I dead?<p>

**Frank Reagan POV**

We had gotten a call of suspected child abuse. Upon investigation it turned out that it was a child smuggling ring. Slowly, bit by bit, piece by piece, the case got kicked up the ranks of the bureau. It had landed in the lap of One Police Plaza, and in return, mine. I had assembled a special task force team of the greatest detectives and inspectors on the job. We were just waiting for the green light to go in and arrest the suspects. We had about forty people here, some with drug dogs, others with swat shields; all with guns. We were prepared for the worst.

My phone rang with my father on the line, the commissioner. He gave me the go ahead to proceed. I gave the signal, and we stormed the house.

Fifteen minutes later all was secure when I heard over the radio, "There's a barn about a mile down the road. I think you need to come take a look Reagan." We already had found all the children, what else could be there?

I walked down the road, and went into the barn. The stench was horrible; urine everywhere. I walked towards the other officers and stopped, "What is it?" They pointed to a small bundle in the corner, a dead girl. I sighed; we had been too late. "Did you check for a pulse?"

"Sir, that body's too small to be alive."

I walked towards the body, it looked like a girl, and knelt next to her. The face seemed vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place where. I put my fingers to the girls neck and waited. I felt a slight pulse, and checked for breathing, "Someone call a bus! She's still alive!" With that the officers ran outside to get a car.

An officer that knew first aid came and nudged me aside. I let him take care of the girl, and walked outside. How had we missed this? There was no record of this girl anywhere. Who was she?

* * *

><p><strong>Emily POV<strong>

I was vaguely aware of my surroundings. I could hear people yelling. I couldn't understand what they were staying, but I could hear them. I opened my eyes as much as I could; they were so swollen. Someone's face came into my view, and I shied away. I could clearly remember my foster father's voice, "You ever say a damn thing again and I'll kill you. Then I'll find your siblings you talk about so much and kill them too." I had to stay silent. I couldn't talk, or he'd kill them. Just remember that, don't talk and I could still protect my siblings, at least in some way. Don't talk.


	6. Realizations

**Emily POV**

I opened my eyes, and saw a white ceiling. I looked around white everywhere. Where was I?

I sat up, and winced in pain. I looked around some more and realized I was in a hospital. I started to panic. My foster father said that if I ever left, he'd torture my siblings. I couldn't breath. What was happening? Why was I here? I just wanted to go back. I just wanted to be left alone. I pulled my legs up to my chest, and laid my head on my knees.

A few minutes later a nurse walked in. I panicked again. I started breathing heavy, and my vision started blurring. I could barely hear the nurse, "Honey calm down! You're ok now!" More doctors rushed in and that didn't help; it made it worse. The nurse continued talking, "She's hyperventilating! We have to get her breathing under control now!"

A doctor reached in a drawer and pulled out a syringe. I tried to back away from them but I was too weak; I could hardly move. The doctor plunged the needle into my IV, and I started to lose consciousness.

The cycle went on like that for a few days. They put me in restraints after the second time. That just made it worse. They finally took the restraints off after one of the officers who brought me in told them that I had been bolted to the wall.

I was laying here, my head turned towards the wall, hoping that my foster father had not touched my siblings, that maybe he'd come back for me instead.

* * *

><p>The doctors finally noticed I was physically not able to speak. They already had me on pain meds for all my other injuries, so they gave me ice chips. Someone sent a therapist down to my room daily.<p>

I didn't speak until two months later when they forced me to join the group therapy session. There were six of us, sitting on hard plastic chairs arranged in a circle. It was so cliché. I had finally gained enough strength to walk on my own, so I arrived early. I looked at the time. I was two hours early. Oh well, at least I didn't have to sit in that room any longer. I refused to talk in group therapy too. The police became frustrated because I wouldn't give them my statement of what happened to me.

About three sessions in to it, a soldier joined our group. He had damage to his voice, so he signed. He had an interpreter, but I understood sign language. He described to us all how he had been in Iraq until recently. The explosion that he was in damaged his vocal cords. He was also in a wheel chair. His thighbone had been broken. I rushed out of there after that session. I went back to my room, and curled up in my bed. I didn't know why, but he made me uncomfortable. The next session was the same. He sat next to me, asked me a question, didn't react when I didn't respond, and I ran out of the room when it was done. The session after that he came early too. His interpreter didn't show up until the meeting started though. We just sat there in silence until then. The meeting after that he brought me a coffee. I didn't drink it because of how the caffeine would react with my medication.

The meeting after that he brought me a candy bar. It was my favorite; twix. I tried not to remind myself of my siblings, and just enjoyed the gift. At the end of that meeting I waited before I left. He noticed and waited too. I signed, 'Thank you,' and then left.

Two hours later he wheeled into my room. My eyes widened in shock. He started to sign, 'My name is Nick. Why do you not talk in the sessions?' I noticed he whispered the words as he signed.

I shook my head and assessed him. He was pretty muscular, and I could guess he'd be tall. He couldn't be much older than me. His brown hair wasn't much darker than mine. His green eyes seemed to be constantly searching for more.

'What is your name?'

I uncurled my knees from my body, and sat up more, 'Emily.'

He smiled, 'How old are you?'

I hadn't thought about that since I had been here. I still didn't know how much time I had been with my last set of foster parents. I looked in Nate's eyes, 'I do not know.'

He didn't seem as shocked as I thought he would, 'Well do you know what year you were born in?' I nodded and told him. He thought for a second, 'You are 17.'

Had it truly been less than a year? 'That is not possible.'

His head tilted to the side, 'Why not?'

It seemed even in signing I had the capability to stutter, 'I-I was tortured.' I paused. 'I do not know for how long.'

He looked in my eyes then continued, 'Would you like to me to prove it to you?' I knew he wasn't being condescending; that he honestly wanted me to know. I nodded and he reached for my hand. 'If I tell you where to go, can you wheel me?" I nodded. 'Good.'

He instructed me through hallways, around corners, and up the elevator but we finally arrived at a room. I stopped just outside; I didn't want to interrupt whoever was in there. Nate waved me inside, so I pushed him in further. I rolled him next to a chair, and he rolled himself in further. He waved for me to sit, so I did. I made sure I could see the whole room though, and the door. He rolled over to the dresser and pulled out a little binder. It was leather bound. He rolled back over to me, ad handed it to me.

'Open up to the date you last remember.' I flipped through it until I found the date I entered the foster home. That was the only day I was completely sure of. He looked in my eye, then slowly flipped through the months. When he got through six months, he pointed to a date. 'That is today.'

I shook my head, 'No.' I started crying, small tears at first, but then they grew into giant heaves. I started sobbing. How would my siblings ever forgive me? They probably hated me right now. I had missed that much of their life. I had missed both their birthdays, and Christmas. Did they get gifts?

Nate rolled his chair next to me, and pulled me into his lap. I could hear him whispering, "It's ok Em, it's all gonna be ok."

When I stopped crying, he motioned for me to get up on the bed. 'Do you have nightmares?' I nodded. 'You can sleep in here with me tonight. I cannot sleep on those beds anyways. They are too uncomfortable.'

I nodded. 'How long were you in Iraq?'

I saw him faintly smile, 'You don't beat around the bush do you?'

I shook my head, 'Why should I? It wastes time.'

He chuckled. 'True. Well I was over there for almost a year. I joined the army on my eighteenth birthday, and they shipped me out six months later. I had four months left on my tour when they sent me home for medical reasons.'

'What reasons?'

'Well you told me so it is only fair I tell you huh?' Before I could ask what he meant he continued, 'I was tortured too, not as long though.'

'But you said it was an explosion?'

He nodded, 'That was the only reason I was found. The building next to the one I was in exploded. It knocked the wall of the room I was in off. My rescuers said it was by pure chance that I was found.'

I nodded, 'Me too.'

We talked until a nurse came in. Immediately I stopped signing. I put my hands in my lap and looked down. Hopefully she noticed I wasn't here. I noticed Nate take a whiteboard and start writing on it. Then he showed it to the nurse. I could feel her look at me, "Ok dearie, you can sleep in here tonight. But don't do this too often ok?" I nodded and she left.

It was a few days later when Nate came over next to me and slowly grabbed one of my hands. He pointed to the scar on it. I took a deep breath, 'They are both an 'X'.'

He nodded, "I can see that. Why?" We spent all of our time together, and the nurses let me sleep in his room most nights. The nights they wouldn't Nate would sneak up to my room and sleep on the couch.

I knew he meant why did I get them. 'My foster father did that. He did not liked it when I signed after he forced me to drink acid.'

Nate lifted my chin up so he could look in my eyes. "None of that was your fault you know." His voice came back a few days ago.

I shrugged my shoulders, 'I still deserved it.'

Nate looked over his shoulder, "If I show you something will you promise not to tell anyone?" I nodded. He shut the door and started to take his shirt off.

I panicked. I backed away from him and into the corner, 'No, no, no, no, no.' I started mouthing the words then started crying, 'Please don't. I'll be good.'

Nate stopped, 'What's wrong?' I shook my head and started sobbing again. He came closer to me and I whimpered. "I promise I won't hurt you Em." He grabbed my hand and held it. He let me calm down, then pulled me to his chest when I stopped crying. "I could never hurt you Em." He started stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry Nate." My voice came out very cracked and quiet, but it was still there.

Nate pulled me away from his body, "You have nothing to be sorry about."

I nodded, "Yes I do. I shouldn't have freaked out on you. I'm sorry, it's just I had a really bad nightmare last night." I lowered my head and let my hair cover my face. We hadn't ever talked about my nightmares before. I knew Nate knew I had them though because he would often be sitting right next to my bed, pretending to be asleep. He would always make sure he was in my line of sight when I woke up though.

"How bad were they?" He slowly got up on the couch next to me. Nate had regained some strength in his legs, but not enough to walk around; just enough to move from chair to chair easier. I could see his arms flex as he tried to use them to support himself. He winced as he lowered himself on to the couch.

I pulled my knees into my chest, "As bad as they were before I met you." My voice was slowly coming out more even, with less cracks in it.

He turned to face me more, "You've never told me about them before."

I paused, "I know. They were really bad. The only time I slept was when the nurses gave me sleeping pills in my food." I waited. "It's like I'm back there, except worse. I know I can't get out. And I can't protect my siblings his time either."

"Em, can I show you some of my scars? Just so you know you're not alone?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"I'd just take my shirt off to show you the scars. The moment it makes you uncomfortable I'll put my shirt back on."

Finally I nodded and he did so. It made me nervous when he took his shirt off, but he didn't move towards me at all. I looked at his chest then reached my hand out. I noticed the pink slash marks across his chest. Some of them had faded to white. When I had almost touched his chest, I pulled my hand back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to- I didn't realize-"

Nate interrupted me, "Hey it's okay. If you want to touch them you can. Just be gentle, some of them are a little sore with pressure put on them."

"Ok." I whispered.

I lightly put my finger on one of the scars, and noticed some stubble. "Did they shave your chest hair off?"

"The doctors did to stitch them up."

I could feel the vibrations of his chest. It looked like there were only three lines. Two looked like they were in an 'X' across his chest, the other was haphazardly from his heart down to the opposite hip. "They were trying to access your organs." I felt across the last one then pulled away. "Thank you."

Nate nodded and smiled, "No problem. Do you have nay questions about them?" I shook my head. "How did you know they were trying to get to my organs?"

"Oh, that. Um the first few weeks here I would go to the library daily. I looked up torture; a lot."

He nodded, "Makes sense."

"Well, I stumbled upon an article about torture in the middle east verses torture that was used at Guantanamo Bay." We talked about that for a while longer.

When the nurse told us we could go get food at the cafeteria, Nate looked at me, "How come you call me 'Nate'?"

I stuttered, "Oh, if-f you don't want me to c-call you that I won't."

He grabbed my wrist, "No, I like it. It's like me calling you 'Em.' I was just wondering why. Most people call me 'Drew' or something."

We continued walking, "I don't know. It's what popped into my mind when you told me your name. It's just like my brother Sam. His real name is Samuel, but that's too long for him. He's too care free for that. Plus when you first signed our name I thought you spelled 'Nate.' My sign language was still a little rusty." I stopped and put my hand up to my mouth. I wasn't supposed to talk about my siblings ever. If I did the nurses would find out and tell them to come here and my foster father could find them and kill them. I could get in so much trouble.

Nate stood up and walked over to me. He put his hands on my shoulders. He looked down to my face, "Hey, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Just tell me what's wrong."

I shook my head, "I can't. He'll kill me if I do." I saw a flash of anger in Nate's eyes and that made it worse. I tried to slide down the wall, but Nate held me up.

"Hey now, you're all right. He can't hurt you anymore."

I shook my head, "Y-you don't know that. He said he'd kill them."

"I won't tell anyone. I promise. You can trust me."

I shook my head, "He said he'd kill them if I ever talked about them again."

Nate lifted my chin up, "I promise I will always protect you. I think of you as a little sister Em. I'll make sure no one ever hurts you again. Got it?"

I sniffled and nodded, "So does that mean I can't talk about you too now?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "No hun. He never knew about me. You can talk about me, to me, or at me all you want."

I nodded, and wrapped my arms around myself, "Good. I don't think I could lose you too."

"Glad we got that one down. Now will you help me down into my chair again? My legs are shaking from trying to stand up."

"Oh! Sorry! Yeah, of course!" I grabbed his arms and helped lower him to his chair. When he was finally sitting I could see the pain on his face. "Sorry."

He looked up at me with a smirk in his eye, "I'm going to make you pay me every time you say that from now on."

I gave him a small smile, "Yeah, out of my million-dollar trust fund. Let's go get lunch dork."


	7. Unexpected News

**A/N: Hey guys! You enjoying the story so far? Please leave a review!**

**Emily POV**

A few days later the doctor came into my room. I hadn't seen him in awhile. He asked Nate to leave, and I nodded. "I'll be in the weight room when you're done." Whenever Nate would work out, or go to physical therapy, he'd let me sit in the room with him.

The doctor moved to shut the door, "Don't please."

He whipped around to look at me, "Good to see you talking. Would you care to tell us your last name now?" My eyes went wide and I shook my head. He sighed, "I thought so. The man who kidnapped you is in jail you know." I nodded. He continued, "He can't hurt you anymore. You can tell us who your family is. I'm sure they miss you."

"No. They probably didn't even notice."

"I doubt that. I'm sure the police would like to talk to you now that you're talking to us."

I thought it over, "Do I have to? I'm sure the pictures of my injuries are enough."

"How did you know we took those? I thought you were unconscious."

I gave him a wane smile, "Trust me, I was conscious."

He nodded, "I'll add that to your chart. You had a slight allergic reaction to the morphine we gave you. It seems that was also a side effect." He wrote on my chart, then looked up to me. "Emily, there's something I have to tell you. It's about what your foster father did to you."

I shook my head, "No. I don't want to talk about that."

He held his hand up, "It's ok, you don't have to. I just want to talk to you about some of the long term effects on your body."

I was confused, "You mean like the scars on my back? The one's that trace my shoulder-blades?"

He slowly nodded, "Kind of. I was thinking more of the effects on your muscles, and other internal organs."

"Ok."

He explained that he wanted me to start physical therapy now that my body weight was close to normal. He also thought it would help to retrain the muscles that had been cut up. He took a deep breath and paused, "Emily, the next thing I have to tell you is some bad news. But I want you to let me finish talking before you react, ok?"

"Ok," I said in confusion.

"Emily, I know your lower abdomen sustained no injuries from a knife, but there was substantial bruising. In fact, we almost had to remove your liver. But there was further damage." He took another breath, "I know you're still a teenager, but you will no longer be able to have children. Some of the medication we have been giving you is artificial hormones. In the future, with the research scientists are doing now, they may be able to restore your ability to have children, but as of now it's not likely."

I was stunned, "Um, ok. Is there any chance?"

The doctor looked at me, "As of now? No." I didn't hear anything after that. When he left I sat on my bed for a few minutes. I needed Nate. I had to go find Nate.

I went up to the weight room. I saw Nate in his usual corner. He liked it back there because he could watch other people, but most people couldn't watch him. I went to the corner opposite him, and sat against the wall. I drew my knees up to my chest, and put my arms around them. Nate would see me when he was done. I could wait.

It wasn't much longer when I heard, "Hey Em. What'd the doctor have to say?"

I didn't look up. I heard him set his weights down, and slowly walk over to me. He didn't look like he was in pain either. "You're walking."

He smiled, "Yeah. I was going to surprise you later today. It's great isn't it?"

I tried to smile, "Yeah."

He sat down next to me. He knew I would talk when I wanted to. "You know, you're going to have to help me up from here."

I nodded, "Yeah."

Some of Nate's army buddies walked over, "What's wrong Emily?" We had all gotten pretty close considering we spent almost all our time together. I mumbled the answer. "Come on honey, we can't understand you. Can you speak up?"

I looked to the only girl in the group. I had gone to her when I realized I wasn't having my periods. "I-I-I." My throat froze up. Nate just put his arm around my shoulders. "I can't have kids." She came and sat on my other side. She put her hand on my knee. I rested my head on Nate's shoulder. "I had never wanted kids because I had already taken care of my siblings. But now?" I just stopped.

"I understand honey. Now that it's a definite answer you feel jipped. You at least wanted to make the decision." Sara said.

Joe decided to pipe up, "Besides, any one of us would marry you in a heartbeat if you said yes. We'd all give up kids for you." I snorted. "I'm serious. You may not realize it, but you're a heartthrob. If you're not married by the time you're 35, I'll marry you. How's that?"

I laughed. "Joe, you're a dumbass."

He tried to look offended but failed. "You words hurt me Emily, truly they do." I laughed again and shoved him. We all knew it wasn't very hard but he pretended to fall down all the same. Then all the boys started to wrestle. I just stayed by Nate for the rest of the day though.

When we walked up to my room Nate turned to look at me, "Hey, are you really ok? Do you want me to leave?"

He was still sleeping on my couch, "No. I think I'll be fine. But if I have a nightmare tonight, will you wake me up? That always helped Katie when she was little. Then I'd sing her to sleep."

He smiled, "Yeah Em. I can do that."

I was almost asleep when I asked him, "Can you teach me how to lift weights?"

It was a few minutes later, and I hardly heard his reply, "Yeah."

* * *

><p>Nate and I were lifting weights. He was spotting me. I could almost lift as much as he could now. He had taught me how to lift almost a month ago now. We spent most of our day here. I was determined to lift as much as him before he left the hospital. He told me that if I didn't want to contact my family I could go live with him after I got out. The doctor said I could leave in two weeks, as long as I kept going to both types of therapy. I was planning on sticking to that.<p>

"Ok, we're done for the day." I let him take the weight and put it on the rack. We walked back to my room. I took a shower while he went to his. I sat on my bed and read a book while waiting for him. I heard voices out in the hallway and raised my mead to look. Four people came into my room. I slowly got up from my bed, and the book fell to the ground.

"Oh God." I went over to the smallest two, and collapsed to my knees. I pulled them into a hug, "Katie, Sam. I missed you so much." Tears were falling. Someone was sobbing, but I couldn't tell who.

"Emily. Where have you been? We thought you were dead."

I shook my head, "No. I couldn't leave you like that. I've been here for a while."

Katie pulled back and sniffled, "Where were you before that?"

My smile faltered, "That doesn't matter hun. I'm here now." I realized I was only wearing a sports bra. They could see my scars, and obviously did. They were staring right at them. I went and put a sweatshirt on.

"What happened to you?" It was one of the adults who had spoken.

I looked up at them, "Who are y-?" I stopped, "It's not possible. You're dead. I was at your funeral." It was my father's parents. I stood up and put Sam and Katie behind me.

My grandfather spoke up, "No honey. You're father tricked you. We've been alive the whole time. We live in the city. We actually live twenty minutes from here." They lived right next to Ney York General Hospital the whole time?

"What?" I made sure at least some part of me was touching Sam and Katie. I still couldn't believe they were here. I shook my head, "That's not possible. I was at your funeral."

Sam spoke up behind me, "Emily I checked into it. They have no death certificates. Granddad's actually the fire commissioner. We've lived with them since two months after the last time we saw you." I paled. That was the same day I went upstate. My heart started beating faster. It got harder to breath.

The next second Nate rushed in. He grabbed my shoulders and led me to a chair to sit, "It's ok Em. It's ok." He turned to my grandparents, "Just go to the cafeteria for a minute."

They stood there for a second and I started wheezing. I really couldn't breath now. They nodded and left. Sam and Katie turned to follow them, as Nate grabbed an oxygen mask for me "NO!"

He turned to them, "Stay where she can see you. Don't come any closer though." They nodded. Katie's eyes were wide; she looked scared. I tried to remove the mask, but Nate stopped me. "Em, you need this. You're on the verge of an anxiety attack. You have to calm down." He started rubbing circles on my back. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall. This didn't help. I thought of the first day my foster father started to torture me. The memories just got worse and worse. Nate pulled my head to his chest and slowly brushed my hair with his fingers. Eventually I stopped crying.

Katie slowly walked over to me. When she stopped in front of me, she pulled me in for a hug. I smiled, and hugged her back as hard as I could. "I'm sorry you were hurt Emmie."

I smiled, "It's not your fault bug."

Sam came over and pulled me onto the couch next to him. Nate started to leave, but I looked at him with fearful eyes. He nodded and sat in the chair next to the bed. "Can you teach me how to drive Emily? I just got my learners permit." I was shocked. He had waited for me to teach him?

"Sam, I don't even have a license. Besides, I'm pretty sure you have to drive with someone over 21 in the car." I looked to Nate for confirmation and he nodded.

"But you know how to drive. When we'd go out in the country when we were little you'd drive us everywhere."

I chuckled, "Sam, that was only because we knew the sheriff out there. He knew if I didn't drive us, no one would. I'm pretty sure no one in the city would let me get away with that."

We talked like that for hours. They told me things that were going on in their life that I had missed, and I told them about Nate and his friends. I wouldn't tell them about anything else. Eventually Sam and Katie fell asleep curled up next to me.

About a half hour after they fell asleep, another person walked in my room. "Oh hell." This was just too much for one day. I felt like I was going to throw up. I put my head between my knees.

"Lee, do I need to get your doctor?"

Shit, I was going to puke. I ran into the bathroom and shut the door. I threw up everything I had eaten. They subsided into dry heaves. I couldn't decide which was more painful. After about ten minutes of this I wiped my face off. I could deal with him, right? I opened the bathroom door. Nate was leaning up next to it with a skeptical look in his eye. I nodded my thanks for him not letting anybody come in.

A nurse walked in, "Is everything ok Emily? Do these people need to leave?"

I gently put my hand on my stomach, "No. There's nothing left to come up. I'll be fine." She gave me a look then left the room.

I sat on my bed. Katie and Sam crawled up next to me. I could feel Nate standing behind me. "Frank, what do you want?"

He paused, "I was one of the officers who took you out of our last foster home."

Maybe I did need him to leave. I had already rediscovered my siblings today. Wasn't that enough progress for one day? I didn't have to jump back into the world with both feet. I put my head between my knees again. Nate put his hand on my shoulder, and leaned to whisper in my ear, "Does he need to leave? I don't care if he's the deputy commissioner, I'll make him leave." I shook my head and took deep breaths.

After a minute I sat up again. "I didn't know that." I ignored the fact that this was the first time I'd seen him in years.

"It was really bad Lee."

I snorted, "You don't have to tell me that. Some of the scars are just healing."

He rubbed the back of his neck, "How are you doing?"

Nate talked before I could, "How do you think she's doing? She just started talking about within the last few weeks, today is the most I've ever heard her talk. All she does all day is work out she's still so frightened of that man."

Had it really been less than a month since I had met Nate? I shook my head, "You can ignore him Frank. He's temperamental." I turned to look at Nate, "Settle down." I whispered, "He won't hurt me."

I turned back to Frank. "You may need to testify at his trial Lee."

I shook my head, "No." I never wanted to see that man again.

He sighed, "None of the other girls will."

I was confused, "There weren't any other girls." I was starting to get nauseous again.

Frank leaned towards me, "Lee, there were five other girls there. They were all younger than you." Nate squeezed my shoulder hard, "There were bodies buried on their property." I started to get tunnel vision.

"Isn't that enough? Why does she need to testify?"

I could've done something to save those girls. I should've kept his attention more on me, and away from those girls. "How many of them died while I was there." I didn't phrase it as a question.

"Lee you don't need to know that."

I looked up at him, and could tell he could see the pain in my eyes, "How many?"

He checked to make sure my siblings were still asleep, "Three." My face paled. Three people had died because I did nothing. I accepted my fate. I didn't try to save myself. If I had done so, I could've saved them.

Frank knew what I was thinking, "I saw the chain that kept you bolted to the wall. The only reason we got you out of there is because an officer shot through the link. They removed the rest when we got you here. You couldn't have done anything to help them."

Tears started falling from my eyes, "I could've done something. I should've found a way."

Frank moved his chair closer to me, "No honey, you couldn't have. Quite frankly your lucky to be alive."

I heard Nate speak up, "Em if you had, what would've happened? He probably would've killed you. You're my only family left Em; I need you. Look at Sam and Katie; they need you. Even if you could've done something I'm glad you didn't."

I looked at the two of them, then at my siblings. What if my foster father ever got free? He wouldn't hesitate to kill them all. Frank and Nate could hold their own, but what about Sam and Katie? I couldn't let them die. I looked at Frank and wiped my eyes, "I'll testify on one condition." He nodded, "The only people from my family that are allowed in the courtroom are Nate."

"Lee, they already know most of what happened to you."

I nodded, "That's bad enough. If they ever need to know more I can tell them. They don't need to hear the exact details."

Frank looked at me. "Maybe not now, but when they get older they will."

I looked back at him, "Maybe."

Two weeks later I went to my grandparents house. Nate would visit daily, but they'd never let him stay the night. On my eighteenth birthday I joined his army battalion. I was kidnapped again, and tortured for three days. Nate and Sarah stayed in the hospital the entire time with me, and somehow managed to get an early release. I went and stayed with my siblings, but would stay over at Nate and Sarah's place more times then I could count. Nate made sure I didn't fall back into the depression I was in the last time.


	8. All Grown Up

**A/N: MAJOR time jump here; Emily's now in her 30s. Review?**

**I own Emily, Sam, Katie, Nate, Nate's friends, everything you don't see on the TV show, and the plot line. **

**Emily POV**

I twirled the chip in my fingers, ten years now, almost eleven. I was sitting in a meeting, listening to the others speak. Three months, two days, eleven years, they were all different. I had come close to a relapse so many times, but I couldn't.

Jared came to the hospital not long after my siblings did. Except he had proposed to a different girl. He said they started dating after I quit school. He married her after they finished college. They had a baby not long after that.

I have been an alcoholic since age eighteen. It increased when I got out of the army. I was given a medical discharge when I was in an explosion that cracked my shoulder blade. The irony was that that was what saved me from being tortured even further. I used alcohol as a pain medication. Becoming a firefighter at age twenty didn't stop it either. The one thing that made me realize I needed to quit was the attacks on 9-11. I was there that day, and my whole squadron died. Jared was in my squad, and his wife was on the top floor of one of the towers. They had left me sole custody of their two-year-old daughter, Julia Lee Adams. The moment I picked her up from daycare that day I knew I had to quit drinking for good. Thankfully I lived with Sam. I brought her home to him, then went right back to the rubble.

I came back to the present when my sponsor walked over to me, "You haven't been to a meeting in a while Emily." He sat on the folding chair next to me. It seemed the meeting was over. "Everything okay?"

I nodded, "Just really busy at work lately. Preventative measures for the coming summer and all."

He nodded, he was the sponsor for a lot of New York's finest. He knew the risks that came with being a firefighter, even though he wasn't one. "You haven't had a drop in almost eleven years, I think you're doing good."

I nodded. After a minute I said, "Julia's birthday's coming up. She's asking more about her parents."

He nodded, "She should know." He worked with her parents briefly. Jared was the contractor for his home. Most firefighters had a second job to supplement their income.

I looked at him, "She should know that I was basically in love with her father, and he just left me for dead while he went and buffed my friend?" I shook my head, "No she doesn't need to know that."

"You tell her you're an alcoholic."

"Because she needs someone to blame occasionally."

"Now that's not fair. When has she ever done that to you?"

"Never, she's the perfect daughter."

"See? Maybe just tell her a little bit at a time. Tell her you dated her father before he met her mother. That's enough for now."

I nodded, "Yeah, thanks." My sponsor was also my sounding board when Nate didn't have the time.

Nate married Sarah, from the battalion. They were perfect for each other. They had two kids. Nate was in the position directly under me as a firefighter. I was the Captain of our firehouse. Nate was one of the top most Lieutenants. The only reason Nate wasn't any higher up was because he refused to be promoted. The only reason I was Captain was because our Captain got promoted to the Battalion Chief. He insisted either Nate or I take the position. I was just glad I had never finished high school. That prevented me from getting promoted even further.

I heard my pager beep so I grabbed it. It was the station. I was on-call tonight. I looked over to Jan, a member of one of the trucks I was in charge of, and nodded at her. She excused herself from her group then came over to me. "What's up Cappy?" That was a common nickname for Captains.

I showed her the page. It read, "10-14-17." I knew that meant there would be an engine and a ladder company on route. I dialed the communication board.

"Fire center communication board, please identify yourself."

"Hey Lisa, it's Emily."

"Hey chief, did you get the page?"

"Yeah, what's the location?"

"It's the tunnel. You're closer than other on-callers. Are you busy?"

"Nope. I've got Jan with me to. I'll send her back to the house. I'm on my way." By house I meant the firehouse.

"Ok. I'll let both teams know to be on the lookout for you."

"Radio the police on scene. Let them know I'm coming in civies. I'll need a spot to park my car."

"Got it. Bye."

I hung up and told Jan what the conversation was about. She nodded and ran to her car. I went and got in my SUV. It was great for times like these when I needed it clear I was a fire chief, and needed to get on location fast. I turned the lights on, and sped off.


	9. A Beautiful Man

**A/N: Hey guys, I could really use some reviews. I absolutely love this story so I'll continue writing it, but I'd love some reviews. **

**Enjoy!**

**Emily POV**

I pulled up on scene and jumped out of my car. There was a line about a mile long of cars. It seemed this fire was taking up a lot of the tunnel. I jogged to the fire. I pulled up to the line of police officers and stopped. One of them held out his hand for me to stop, "Ma'am you can't go past here. There's a fire up ahead."

"Yeah I got that. That's the reason I'm here." I reached into my pocket for my shield, and the officer reached for his gun. I held my hands up in a submissive position, "Hey now, I'm the fire chief. Just let me by and we won't have any trouble."

He looked me up and down. "I'm sorry ma'am, but without any identification I can't let you by."

Isn't that what I was just trying to do? "Ok then. I'm going to reach into my pocket and grab my badge." I felt around in my pocket. Shit, it wasn't there. "Ah, officer, I must have left it in my vehicle. But that fire going on up ahead seems pretty bad. I'm sure my teams need me."

He shook his head, "I'm sorry ma'am, there's nothing I can do."

Well shit. How was I going to get past this asshole? I looked at his nameplate, "Look, Officer Reagan, do you want me to call the fire chief to verify my credentials?" I'm sure my granddad would love the interruption, but he didn't need to know that.

He gave me a wary look, "Ma'am, we've had some trouble with civilians misidentifying themselves as firemen. I can't let you in without identification."

I sighed, then I whistled as loud as I could, "Nate! Get your ass over here!"

He turned to look, then walked over, "What are you doing Captain? We brought your outfit. It's in the truck, get changed and come on."

"Wait! This officer won't let me by without identification."

He gave me a weird look. He walked over to the officer and took off his helmet. "Rookie, this here is one of the best fire captains in the tri-state area. That help?"

He paused and his partner walked over. I recognized him as Sergeant Renzuli. "What seems to be the problem over here Reagan?"

He explained the situation as I leaned around him to look at the fire. It was pretty big to be in this tunnel, but not too bad. We would need to get the other cars out of here in case it spread though. "Yeah, this is the fire chief. Just let her by Reagan, it's ok."

He paused, the waved me by. I dropped my keys in his palm, "My SUV's about a mile back. You can move it closer to here. Then get all of the cars out of here. I don't care if they have to drive backwards, nobody's getting through here for at least four hours, maybe more." He looked confused. I waved him off, "Go. I'll need some of the things in my trunk soon." He looked to Renzulli for confirmation and he nodded. Then he took off at a jog. I raised my voice so he could hear me, "I need the SUV before you move the cars!" Renzuli chuckled. I looked at him, "You and your partner stick around until I can talk to you both later."

He looked at me, "Give the kid a break. We're helping out in this bureau today, he has no reason to recognize you."

I shrugged my shoulders, "Not my problem. Stick around." I turned around and put on my protective clothing. Then I walked over to Nate, "What have we got?"

He pointed to each individual car as he described it, "Three car pileup. One must have had a gas leak because it exploded. We got everybody out, and they're in the ambulance or okay enough to stay on scene. Another car blew up right before you arrived. We're trying to spray the other car enough that it won't. It looks like it's about too though."

I nodded, "How long since the crash?"

"Almost a half hour." If the last car exploded it would be soon.

"Has anyone gotten a look at the gas tank yet?"

He shook his head, "Nope. It's been too hot to get close enough."

I shook my head. This was not good. Depending on how much gas was in that tank, it could be fatal to one of my firefighters. "Get into the tunnel plumping system. Use some of the water there or we'll run out soon enough. I'm gonna go closer to the cars."

I flicked my radio on and listened to the reports my team were giving. Most of it I already knew. "Hey, whose getting closer to the fire?"

I sighed, "Probie it's me." It was a shorter version of probationary agent.

"Hey Cappy, what took you so long?"

Nate came in, "Don't ask Probie. You'll just get her started."

"Yeah, yeah, now get back to work. We want this fire to be out before sunset." I snuck around the edges of the fire, but every time I tried to get closer, a lick of flames seemed to jump out at me. Finally I saw my opening, but I'd have to be quick. I jumped towards the car, and had myself well covered by the time the flames hit me. "Come on guys."

The moment I said that water started spraying towards me. That helped me maneuver around a little. I got a good look at the gas tank, then jumped out. I felt the hose spraying me, almost pushing me back into the fire with the force off it. "Ok, ok enough already." I walked over to where my team was huddled, waiting to know what I saw. "We need to get all the officers back. That car has a full tank of gas. It could go up any minute." They all nodded and each went to a different officer. I turned to the one nearest me, and saw the officer I met earlier, except he was now soaked with sweat. Why couldn't I remember his name?

"Hi," He panted. He pointed over beyond the curve, "Your SUV is right there. I kept it back in case the fire grew."

I nodded, "Ok, get Renzulli and get your car further back then that."

He shook his head, "I can't do that ma'am."

I sighed, "Really? Are we going to go through this again?"

Renzulli walked over and saw that I was annoyed with this officer. "Reagan, what's the problem this time?"

He shook his head, "Sarge, she wants us to move the cars back."

I looked to Renzulli and said, "That car might explode any minute. I don't want any other fuel lines nearby. Get the car out of here now." He nodded and looked to Reagan.

"I'll go move the car back. Listen to whatever she has to say, and then follow it to the letter. Got it?" He nodded, and Renzulli jogged off.

I looked back to the fire, and saw it had gotten bigger. A few members of my team were still spraying water and other chemicals on it to make it stop, but it didn't seem to be working. I heard a few crackles with a metal ting. I looked towards the fuel tank, and saw it was red hot. "GET DOWN!" The moment I said that, every firefighter moved to cover anyone without protective gear on. We heard the explosion, and felt the blast. I jumped to cover Officer Reagan with my body as we landed on the pavement. He was further away than I would have liked for me to cover him. I heard his head hit the ground, and I knew it would hurt. The moment the flames went back towards the car, I got up to make sure he was all right. His eyes were closed. I started feeling up the sides of his body, checking for any injuries. I looked at his cap, and saw it was a little singed, "I need the hose over here!"

One of the guys ran over, turned the pressure down, then sprayed his face a little. Officer Reagan groaned a little. I hoped he hadn't gotten a concussion. I knelt down next to him, and felt the back of his head. I felt a little bump but didn't push on it. "Get me some EMTs over here!" I looked back at the fire it seemed to be dying down now. The fire from the explosion would put out the original fire.

Thankfully some of most of us were trained in basic first aid after 9/11. I opened his eyelids to see if his pupils were different sizes, "Mmmm. Don't."

At least he was aware. "Officer Reagan, it's me, can you tell me my name?"

He opened one eye, then winced at the light. "Captain something. You never told me."

I smirked, "All right smart ass, open your other eye too." He did, and I swore. His pupils were different sizes. "You have a concussion. When the paramedics get here, they're going to take you to the hospital."

He tried to nod, then winced at the pain, "Weren't they here?"

At least he was being logical, "We sent them away when the fire got too much, remember?"

"Mhhhm." I heard the sirens pulling up. They had actually left the scene. Damn, they must be new. When I said leave, I meant go to the back round, not the whole scene. I looked back to my team, they were all okay; no one was hurt. Nate ran over to me, "He okay?"

I got up as the medics ran over, "Concussion. He should be fine though."

Nate nodded. "Let me guess, you want to ride with him?"

I shifted from foot to foot and thought about it, "Yeah. It's my fault he hit his head so hard. I should make sure he's okay."

He sighed, "You saved his life Em, he'll be okay."

I started to take off my gear, "Just make sure this gets back to the station okay. I'll be back later to look at the truck. The engine was making some weird noises." He hauled my things to the truck and I hopped in the ambulance. I looked at the paramedics, "Why did you leave the scene?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "We got called away. Another bus was close in case anything went wrong. We figured you were fine."

I tried to keep my temper in check, "And look what happened. Next time you're on my scene, you stay until I tell you that you can leave. Got it?"

He looked at my t-shirt and saw my rank within the department. He nodded, and turned back to Officer Reagan. When we arrived at the hospital, I waited in the waiting room. I knew the doctors didn't need another person in the room. I was pretty sure the officer was hyped up on drugs by now. He probably wouldn't even remember the ride in the ambulance come morning. About a half hour later I saw Frank walk in. I still hadn't talked to him since the last time I injured one of his officers, and I certainly didn't want to now. I snuck out behind his personal detail, subtly nodding to Lieutenant Baker. She partially understood the relationship I had with Frank, and knew he didn't need the distraction right now.

I took a ride with a different officer outside the hospital once I told him the condition of Officer Reagan. He dropped me off right outside the fire station so I walked inside. Once I had grabbed some food, and did a little paperwork I went down to the garage. We currently had four trucks in there, and one ambulance. We were one of the bigger stations in the city, and the fire commissioner also knew I would do maintenance on the trucks for free. Of course, the fire commissioner also happened to be my grandfather so that helped also.

When I got out of the hospital when I was seventeen, he realized I liked to work on cars. That only increased in the army, despite my alcoholism. When I joined the fire department I learned everything about all the fire trucks we housed. I propped one of the trucks up just the tiniest bit, and slid on a scooter underneath it. I brought some screwdrivers and wrenches and started tinkering around. I was sure that I would be able to see the problem in less than a half hour.


	10. A Relationship

**A/N: Hey all, most of the time I write chapters ahead of when I post them so then I can have a few days break in between. But now my prewritten supply of chapters has ended, so it may take a little longer for updates. But just to let you know, the more reviews I get, the faster I post chapters. That's why the update schedule is so weird. I would LOVE reviews! **

**I do not own Blue Bloods, just everything that isn't on the show.**

**Emily POV**

I finished with that truck quickly enough so I moved to the one in back that needed more work on it. I was pretty sure it needed a whole new engine, but the department couldn't afford that right now. I told them I'd fix it up as much as I could. Given that I could only work on it during my free time at work, and if I ever came in on my days off, it was slow going. I was pretty sure the thing was going to collapse in on itself any day now. Julia liked seeing it every time she came in, and said it was a good way for me to teach her about cars.

As I rolled myself underneath it I tried to stifle my laugh. For a fourteen-year-old, she had some peculiar interests; firefighting, and cars. I guess it came from growing up in a house full of firefighters though. Sam joined for a few years, but then he quit. He became a social services worker instead; saying he could help kids much easier that way. My grandfather spent enough time at my place since my grandmother died a few years back that he may as well live there. I should bring that up to him. Sam, Julia, and I could move into a bigger place, but my grandfather could still have his own space. He needed more people to take care of. I was sure that when Sam finally got in a serious relationship he would move out, and I would need someone to help me take care of Julia when I had to work late shifts.

Nate came down eventually and saw I was underneath the truck. "You want me to turn some music on for you? It's pretty quiet down here." I jerked when he first spoke, I hadn't realized he was down here. Thankfully I didn't jerk too much or I could have bashed my head into the bottom of the truck.

"Shit." I felt some oil drop down on my head so I grabbed the rag nearest me to wipe it off. I didn't have any other clean clothes here besides these, they were all due for a wash. I was currently in a sports bra, with my shirt laying somewhere next to the truck. I rolled out from underneath the cab, and glared at Nate. "This is my last shirt."

He looked me up and down, "I see that. What happened to the officer at the scene?"

I glared at him again, I wasn't in the mood for his games, "You saw it. The car exploded, and I was barely able to get him to the ground in time."

He shook his head, "You hesitated. You were talking to him beforehand. I know you Em, something was up."

I went on sat on the chair next to the wall, "Like what?"

He perched himself on the counter next to me, "Have you gone to a meeting lately?"

I whipped around to face him, "What?" This was out of the blue.

"You heard me."

"I haven't had a drop in almost eleven years Nate, and I'd like to keep it that way."

He looked at the truck, "You haven't worked on this one in a while. In fact, it was right after the last meeting you went too."

I looked at him, "It's been busy here lately. Even you have had a hard tiem seeing your family on a regular basis lately. How in the world I am supposed to see Jewls and go to a meeting at the same time?" I sighed, "I promise I'm not drinking again. I couldn't do that to Jewls. I'd kill myself before I'd ever do that to her."

He remembered what I was like at my worst. He wouldn't let me near his kids in those last months. My drinking was part of what drove Katie to move to Italy with our other grandparents, and she hasn't come back yet. I shook my head to rid myself of the memories. "You sure you ok Em?"

I paused, was I? "I'm just in a rut Nate, I'll be fine."

He looked at me, "You should start dating."

"Not this again Nate. I've already said I don't ever plan on having a serious relationship. I just don't want one. Now if that's all, I'd like to get back to working on the truck."

I could tell he sat there for a few more minutes. "Want any help?"

I sighed again, "No, Nate, I'm fine."

As he walked away I swear I could've heard him say, "But you need one." He turned the radio on and left.

**Jamie POV**

It turned out that I had a concussion. Thankfully it wasn't too severe. Dad rushed into the room once the doctor said I could leave, "How are you son?"

I gave him a small smile, "Fine. You didn't need to come down here. I can get myself home."

He smirked, "I was just in the neighborhood. I heard over the scanner that there was an officer down so I came over."

Yeah, right. "Did Danny call you?"

My dad smirked, "Yeah, he's on his way down."

"You guys don't have to do that. I'm fine, honestly. In fact, I was gong to go to the fire station and thank the Captain for saving my life."

He nodded, "I'm sure the captain knows son, you don't have to do that."

What he didn't know was that I also wanted to see if the captain would like to go out for coffee some time. But like I said, he didn't need to know. "I know, but I just want to show her my thanks."

When I said her, his eyebrows raised, "What precinct? Oh never mind, it couldn't be her."

"Who?" I was confused now.

"No one, son. You wouldn't have known her anyways."

He walked me out to the waiting room where Renzuilli was waiting. "Hey kid, how is it?"

"Fine Sarge. I'll be out for a week, but other than that I'm fine."

He nodded, "You need a ride, or…" He motioned to my father.

"Yeah I need a ride." I didn't need the hassle of my father's detail right now.

We got in the car and chatted on the way to the station house. Before I could open the door though, he stopped me. "Reagan, if I know you right, you're going to go thank that captain, correct?" I nodded, "Don't. It's not her style. She's a hard one, but she doesn't ask for thanks. I also know that you're going to ask her out for drinks or coffee, am I right?"

I couldn't hide my smile, "Yeah. It's worth a shot, isn't it?"

He hesitated, "Like I said, she's a tough one. So I wish you the best of luck with it. Now get out, I gotta get home to my wife." I stepped out of the cruiser, and he started laughing.

I shook my head; everyone was being confusing today. I turned back to the garage, and saw the door at the far end was open. I walked towards it, and went inside. The music was blaring, so I'm sure no one could hear me. I walked around for a minute until I tripped on something sticking out from underneath an old fire truck. I fell, and almost skidded across the floor. I hit the toolbox, and that went flying across the floor.

At the same time this happened I heard someone yell, "SHIT!" When I was sure I hadn't hurt myself I got up, "Who the fuck are you? What kind of dumb ass are you?" I looked down at the truck. It seemed I had tripped over a pair of legs. Well fuck.

"I'm Officer Reagan. Who are you?"

I heard some more swearing, "Pull me out. Carefully." I grabbed the legs and slowly pulled. When the firefighter got all the way out, she sat up. Shit. This was the Captain that helped me earlier. She was bleeding from the head quite a bit. She was only in a sports bra. I grabbed the cloth nearest me, and held it to her forehead. "Help me up."

"Captain, I think you should stay there."

She glared at me the best she could considering blood was running into her left eye, "Help me up Officer. Then go upstairs and find the paramedic on duty."

"I think you should be taken to the hospital. This looks bad."

"Well of course it's bad. I just rammed my head into the underside of an engine. I have oil on half of my head, and my ears are ringing. Go. Find. The. Paramedic." I swear she almost growled at me.

**Emily POV**

I was trying to find the leak in the gas chamber when I felt someone jerk my legs to the side. I jerked my head up, and rammed my head into the truck, "SHIT!" I leaned back carefully, trying not to get blood everywhere. I had cut my forehead right above my left eye. I kept swearing until the noise stopped. Even then, my ears were still ringing, "Who the fuck are you? What kind of dumb ass are you?"

"I'm Officer Reagan, who are you?" Fuck, not this guy again.

"Pull me out. Carefully." I could feel him grab my legs and slowly pull me out. I sat up slowly, trying to keep the room from spinning. Maybe I had hit my head harder than I thought. As soon as I sat up, the blood that had pooled on my forehead started to run down my face. "Help me up Officer. Then go upstairs and find that paramedic on duty."

He didn't move, "I think you should be taken to the hospital. This looks bad."

No shit Sherlock. Despite the fact that he disobeyed a direct order, he just seemed an outright dumb ass. I tried to glare at him again, "Well of course it's bad! I just rammed my head into the underside of an engine! I half oil on half my head, and my ears are still ringing! Go. Find. The. Paramedic." He nodded shortly then ran upstairs. The idiot, he could've just called up the opening for the fire pole. I slid over the chair I sat in earlier and leaned my head against the wall. I closed my eyes against the pain, and hummed to try to distract myself.

A few minutes later I heard the swish of clothes against the fire pole. "Cappy what happened?" Three more people slid down.

I heard Jack yell up, "Look, you were the one that did this to her, get your ass down here now." I smiled a little knowing that the Officer couldn't ride a fire pole. Jack came over next to me, and took the cloth from me, "Let me look at it."

I opened my right eye, "It's not bad, just kinda deep." He touched it, and I yelped, "Hey! Watch it!"

He poked some more, and I bit my tongue. "I know you feel less pain than the rest of this gangly crew so shut up while I work."

I looked over to Nate, "I'm fine. I was surprised when Officer Reagan tripped over my legs. I jerked my head up, and hit my head on the engine. I probably cut myself on a loose screw. It's not as bad as it looks."

He nodded, "I know, head wounds always bleed more. But try explaining this to Jewls."

"Shit." I hadn't thought of that. I always called her to let her know I was all right. How was I going to explain this?

Officer Reagan looked at me, "Whose Jewls?"

"My daughter. She's at school right now."

He nodded, "I could explain it to her. Then she'd know it was just an accident."

Jack grabbed my jaw with his fingers and pulled my head to look at him, "Are you listening to me?"

"Hey! And no, I wasn't. You said not to talk to you."

I pulled my chin out of his grasp, and he poked my cut, "This here should be stitched up at a hospital. I did what I could, and there'll be an ugly scar if you don't get it fixed in the next few days. I know you're off in an hour, so I could drive you over when I pick up more medical supplies."

I stopped my shudder at the mention of the hospital, "I don't need that. Just do what you can and I'll be fine."

He swatted my hand away when I tried to feel what he did, "Don't touch. You've got oil all over your fingers." I grumbled a response but he ignored me. "You know Julia will force you to get it fixed. You may as well do it before she gets off school."

I glared at him as he wiped blood out of my eye, "You tell her about it and you won't come to her birthday party this year."

He chuckled, "Go to a fifteenth birthday party? No thanks. I've had my full of teenage girls. Mine are in college anyways. I'm done with that."

Nate spoke up, "Jake, you'll be there. Emily, you'll go get Jewls from school then go get better stitches. And you will take whatever pain meds they offer."

I grumbled and crossed my arms, "You'd think I wasn't the boss anymore."

Officer Reagan spoke up, "If we go back to my precinct I can drive you."

I shook my head and winced in pain as Jack pulled on the edges of the cut. "Fine, but we can take my car. It'll be easier." I looked at his precinct number, "Besides, there's a few of you that I'd like to avoid over at your house."

He snickered, "I can't imagine why."

I glared at him, "I don't have to offer you a ride home."

"Actually it'd be me driving your car home and picking your daughter up for you to make up for the fact that you're going to need stitches because of me." He paused and I nodded, "Besides I came over here in the first place to thank you for saving me from the explosion."

"Some good it did."

"Yeah, it did." He made sure I was looking him in the eye, "I may have gotten a concussion, but I could have gotten much worse if you hadn't pushed me to the ground."

I waved a hand to dismiss it, "I still gave you a concussion."

He nodded to my head, "And I gave you a laceration."

"That was my fault. I shouldn't have jerked my head so much. If I hadn't moved my head I would've been fine."

"Well let me take you out for a cup of coffee sometime as a thanks and an apology."

At the same time when I said, "It's not needed," Nate said, "She's free Friday."

I glared at him, hadn't he been there for the conversation we had earlier today. He glared back at me, the bastard. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to fix me up with this rookie. Nate repeated, "She's free Friday. Julia's staying at our house that night." Since when?

"She's going to her grandfather's the next day."

"He knows where I live, he can come get her or I can drop her off."

"She needs to get some sleep this weekend."

"That's what Sunday's are for." John piped in. I thought he had decided to stay out of this.

"She does homework that day."

"Either I or her grandfather will make sure she gets it done." Nate offered.

Jamie decided to pipe in before I killed Nate, "I could cook dinner at my place, and she could come with. That way if she needs help you can help her Captain-" He paused as he realized he didn't even know my name.

"Emily Reynolds."

He smiled, "It's nice to meet you Emily, shall we go find your car?"

I was stunned. Between the two of them, they had managed to find me a ride home, a way to pick up my daughter, forced me to fix these stitches, set me up for a date Friday night, and meet my daughter all at the same time. How was I supposed to feel about this? Clearly Nate knew what I was thinking so he said, "It seems you've found your match Em."

I blushed, "Yeah? Well guess who gets to clean this mess up?" I smiled evilly at John and Nate, then walked up the stairs. Officer Reagan followed me. I sihged, "I guess since you're driving me home-"

He cut me off, "And cooking you dinner Friday."

I smirked, "That too. But I still don't know your first name."

"Oh!" He looked genuinely surprised, "It's Jamie. Jamie Reagan." Surely he couldn't be the same Reagan as the commissioner, right? There were at least two Reagan families that I knew of in the force, plus another one in the fire department.

I went into the kitchen area and started washing my face and hair. Hopefully I could get at least some of this oil out before I took a shower later.

"So how old are you Jamie Reagan?" I paused, "Wait, don't answer that." He's just going to make me feel old. He laughed and I just shook my head.

"Why? How old are you?"

It was my turn to laugh, "Oh no. If I don't know your age, you can't know mine." At least until Friday, then I could spoil it all.

I stood up from the sink, and saw him staring at my back. Shit. I forgot I didn't put a real shirt on. He realized he was staring at my scars and quickly looked away. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, and mumbled, "Sorry." He looked to the floor, then back to my eyes, "How'd you get them?"

My eyes softened, he was really uncomfortable with this. He didn't want to make me uncomfortable either, "It's a long story. If you want, I can tell you Friday night when Jewls is done with her homework."

He nodded and gave me a lopsided smile, "That'd be nice."

I pointed to the opposite end of the building, "That's where my car is. It's different from the one you saw earlier."

He laughed, "Good! I'm not sure I have the best feeling towards that car! It's literally the hardest car to move during traffic. Why don't you get something smaller?"

I smirked, "I do. I have to fix the steering column on my bike though."

If he had been drinking anything he would have choked on it with the look on his face, "Like a motorbike?"

I knew he was trying to picture me on one, so I paused a few seconds as we walked out of the building, "No. Could you picture me on one of those? I'd get too impatient and leave in on the side of the road. It's a motorcycle."

He let out a sigh of relief, "Good. What kind?"

I looked back at him before I pointed to my car, "It's a 72 chopper. I fixed it up."

He whistled, "Do it all yourself?"

"Yeah. I was fixing up that fire truck wasn't I?" I tossed him the keys and we got in.

"I didn't exactly notice as I tripped over your legs and gave you a laceration."

I laughed, "Funny. So what do you drive beyond the police cruise and the occasional fire assistance SUV?"

He chuckled, "My brothers old car. It's pretty nice. You'll have to see it sometime."

He turned off the main road and I directed him to Jewls' school. He pulled up and chuckled. "What?"

He shook his head, "My niece goes here. If her mom wasn't picking her up today I could just do that."

"Hmph." I pulled out my phone and called Jewls. I'm sure I smelled too bad to get out of the car.

She answered on the third ring, "Hello?"

"Hey it's me. I'm in the parking lot. I'll wait inside the car for you. There's a police officer in the drivers seat so don't panic."

"What? What happened? Are you ok?"

I sighed. This was exactly what I didn't want to happen, "Yes hun I'm fine. I just had a little accident while working on the truck, and have a small cut on my forehead. He offered to drive me home."

She paused, "Yeah I bet it's small. How big is it really?"

"It's fine, really. It doesn't even hurt that much." Of course at that moment it did decide to hurt so I had to hold back my wince.

"Mmhhm. I'll be the judge of that." She really could be one bossy almost fifteen-year-old.

I smirked and hung up. Jamie was looking at me with a grin, "I take it your daughter doesn't believe you?"

I nodded, "She'll want to go to the hospital before we go home. I'll find someone to drive the car from there. I'll call you a cab once we get there."

He looked at me, "I said I'd drive you home and I will. Besides, maybe you'll invite me in for dinner then."

Right as he said that the car door opened and Julia jumped in, "Sure. Mom's an amazing cook. Now turn around." I sighed and did so. It was best not to argue with her on this. She looked at it and barely touched it. When she saw my wince she pulled back, "We're going to the hospital on the way home. You should get that looked at."

I turned around, "That's what everybody keeps telling me."

Jamie looked at me and laughed, "Well maybe you should listen to them."

Jewls poked her head into the front seat, "Emily never listens to anyone. Who are you?"

When Jewls said my name instead of calling me mom Jamie looked over. "She's my adopted daughter. Her parents died when she was little so I adopted her."

Jewls spoke up, "My parents died in the towers. My dad was one of the firefighters on scene that day, and my mom was on one of the top floors."

Jamie looked at her in the rearview mirror, "I'm sorry. You must be proud of your dad though."

I gulped; this was tricky territory for Jewls. I gave Jamie directions to the hospital I went to, to try to change the subject. It didn't work.

"Yeah. I mean I guess. I never knew him so it's kinda weird. I miss him, but I am proud of him, ya know?"

He nodded, "Kind of. My brother died a few years ago. It's not the same thing but it's similar. I miss him but I'm still proud of what he did." Well that proved that he wasn't the commissioner's son; his second son had died on the job. It didn't seem like Jamie's brother had died that way.

Okay, so maybe I could actually give this relationship thing a shot. It seemed that Jewls liked him too, so that made it easier. But why did I have this nagging feeling in the pit of my gut? What was it about Jamie that gave me this feeling?


	11. Insensible Laughter

**Emily POV**

Friday came faster than I wanted it too. We were really busy at the station all week, and as a result I got behind on paperwork. I hated doing it, but it was a necessity of the job. We were on our way back from a house fire that had spread to two other houses. It had taken too long to control the fire, and as a result, people got hurt. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the fire truck forcing my eyes to stay open on the way home. We were all exhausted; we had been up for 36 hours straight. From the moment we arrived at the station we were going nonstop until now. The only reason we weren't working overtime was because it had rained at the last minute, stopping some of the fire. We had contained the rest, and put it out within the hour. But that didn't mean we weren't tired because of it. We pulled into the station, and everybody got out of the truck.

"Ok everyone, go home. Get some sleep, enjoy your families, and eat. Enjoy the time off while you can." Everyone groaned at the last statement. No one wanted the reminder that they'd have to be back here on Tuesday. Because we had so many trucks we were able to take longer breaks between assignments sometimes. I knew I'd be back here Monday to finish paperwork, but I'd let everybody else have the rest.

Nate spoke up before they all left to clean up before going home, "Everyone bring your extra clothes home this weekend and wash them. We need to keep the laundry here down to a minimum with everybody being gone from the station so much lately."

I looked at him, "Really? Everybody's bone tired and that's all you have to say? Go home and do work that should be done here?"

He glared at me and waited for everyone to leave. People knew that when I was cranky it wasn't a good idea to get in a fight with me; it would potentially lead to blows. "I get it, you're tired and you miss Jewls. Calm down."

I shook my head at him, "I'm fine. I'll get to see her tonight."

"So you don't want to go on the date?"

I laughed, "It's not even a real date. It's just dinner."

"Oh no. Don't you start. You promised you'd give it a chance."

I interrupted him, "When did I promise that?" We walked over to clean up our gear.

"When you introduced him to Jewls. When he came here on Wednesday. It was a wordless promise. You would never introduce somebody to her who you didn't think stood a chance."

I paused for a second, "Fine. But that's not it."

He sighed, "If you really want to spend some time with Jewls you can just reschedule the date. What's his name will understand."

I wasn't even going to start this game, "No. Come up to my office and I'll explain."

We took our time going up the stairs, and stopped to get some food in the kitchen. When we got to my office I had Nate shut the door. "You can't tell anyone this; even Sarah."

"I don't know if I can promise that." He promised Sarah and I years ago that if anything was wrong with either of us that he would always tell the other. He would never promise to keep a secret from either of us.

I gave him a look, "It's not like that. It's about here, dumbass." He looked relieved, "I'm not an idiot. I wouldn't ask you to keep a major secret from Sarah." He gave me a look that clearly said 'Yeah right,' "Ok I wouldn't anymore."

"Anyways, continue. What is this secret about the station that's so bad that I can't tell Sarah?"

"I have to get rid of two trucks and their crew." We currently had about seven crews so this would be devastating to the station.

He sat down with a thump, "Wow. That's sure some big news."

I sat down across from him, at my desk, "Yeah."

"Are you going to fight it?"

"I don't know how much I can."

He started twirling his chair. He only did that when he was nervous, "Have you thought about it?"

I knew what he was thinking, "I won't fire you Nate. Our engine's safe. They're the best in the whole department."

He twirled his chair some more and grabbed the foam basketball I had. Het started throwing it against the wall. "What if you consolidated a few?"

I thought about it for a moment, "How?"

"Assigned more people to less trucks. People could rotate shifts more, and we'd have less engines."

"That could work."

He spun towards me, "Does your grandfather know about this?"

"I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders, "For all I know he could be the one mandating this." I hated to lie to him, but this was something small.

"Come on Emily. Why would he do that?"

I got up and started pacing, "I don't know. Why on earth would he let me take this position? Why would he have let me join the department in the first place?" I raised my voice at the last question. Nate joined because I joined to keep an eye on my, and it just stuck. If I was questioning why I joined I knew he'd get mad. But I wanted him mad.

He started raising his voice too, "Really? We're doing this now? You decide to have a midlife crisis in your thirties? This is crap. I've got to get home to my wife and kids."

He started to leave but I egged him on. "That's bullshit. Since when am I the type of person to have a midlife crisis?"

"Well I never thought you were the type of person to become an alcoholic either!"

Now I was pissed. He knew very well why I was an alcoholic.

**Jamie POV**

I called Emily and didn't get an answer. After she got her forehead stitched up she did invite me up for dinner, but I settled for coffee. I got her number then, and the number of the firehouse. I called the firehouse after I called her and was told that she was on the way back from a fire. Apparently everyone at the station had heard about our date because they said I could just head over now and that she'd be ready by the time I got there.

I drove Joe's old car, hoping the antique would impress her. She told me that she'd ride with someone else in the morning so that she wouldn't have a car to drive home. I was nervous the whole way there and kept tapping my fingers on the steering wheel.

Once I got there I went in the garage entrance hoping to see Emily on her way back. I noticed the garage was full, so I assumed she was back. I walked up the stairs, avoiding the pole for people to slide down on, and arrived in the kitchen. I heard yelling coming from another room, but nobody seemed to worried about it. I recognized a few people from Emily's crew and asked what was going on.

"Oh mom and dad are having a fight." It was one of the girls who answered me.

"What?" I was completely confused.

A guy walked by me, "It's the nickname we use for Emily and Andrew. They both like to yell a lot, and at each other frequently, so we call them Mom and Dad behind their backs. They know about it too; pisses them off 'cause they're like siblings."

Ok then. It seemed Emily and Andrew yelled a lot. I didn't know if that was good or bad. I think that as long as she doesn't yell at me I'll be fine. Either way I was in for it good with this girl.

Someone led me to Emily's office and I stood outside it, waiting for the yelling to stop. "Nate don't you dare go there." Emily's voice was low. I didn't know whether to go in and stop this, or to let them have it out.

**Emily POV**

"Nate, don't you dare go there."

"Why? I never thought you'd question joining the department but now you are? It's the best decision you've ever made besides adopting Julia!"

I lowered my voice even more, "Nate you bring her into this and I'll do more than just yell at you." Now I was actually getting mad. I needed to calm down.

"Fine! Then don't go questioning why you're here!"

" 'Don't go questioning why you're here?' This isn't a fucking philosophy class Nate. What do you think I'm doing?" What was I doing?

"Like hell I know!"

We were both standing, facing each other, across the desk. It's a good thing the desk was between us too. Nate and I had come to blows too often to count, but it was only because we both had one hell of a temper when provoked. "Well?"

He snorted out a breath and shook his head. "Like hell if I know," he repeated.

"Screw you Nate." I really needed him pissed off if he was going to help me keep the engine, or at least the people working on that engine. I wanted him to direct that anger at our boss, and his boss, and then his boss's boss. I wanted him to be mad at my grandfather.

"God dammit Emily how you got this position over me baffles me very time!"

Good, he was starting to get mad at the right people, "Well just think about it Nate. Would they really put you in this job?" We both knew he was the first choice for this job too. Well, for a few people anyway.

He stormed towards me and I made sure to move around him. I didn't want today to end in violence. "Emily I'm warning you."

"What Nate?" He looked me in the eye, and I smiled. He finally got it.

"God damn your grandfather straight to hell!" Nate was catholic and knew how to evoke swearwords when he needed to. He stopped and stood up stock straight. "He wanted this didn't he?"

I nodded, "Yes. He doesn't want to make me get rid of a single engine, but he also doesn't want to be the bad guy."

He sat down again, "So why didn't you tell me that in the first place?"

"He made me promise not to. But he didn't make me promise not to let you realize it."

"Son of a bitch."

"Yeah. He threatened both of our jobs to keep me quiet."

"Bastard."

I chuckled, "Can you come up with a response that consists of more than just swear words?"

He gave me the stink eye, "Screw you." We both chuckled.

"Well now that our argument has come full circle will you help me figure out a solution to this problem?" He nodded his head and waved his hand for me to continue. Just as I was about to add something someone knocked on the door. Nate yelled for them to come in. Jamie walked in. "Shit." I hadn't even had a chance to shower.

Nate looked at me then back to him, "How much of that did you hear?"

"All of it." He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck, "Sorry. It seemed like a pretty intense argument. I didn't want to interrupt."

Nate snorted, "Yeah right." I threw the stapler at his head. He ducked, and then threw it back at me. "You're lucky that didn't hit me in the head."

"Like you'd care. It'd give you something to bitch to Sarah about."

Jamie started laughing, "Do I need to break this up?"

Nate snorted, "Yeah Officer, do your job; be a peacekeeper."

I started laughing too. It took us all a few minutes to calm down. It was a bad joke but I was pretty sure Nate and I would laugh at anything given how tired we were. Jamie just shook his head at us. "You ready? We can pick Julia up on the way back to your place. I assume you want to shower."

Nate piped in for me, "That's just a nice way of saying you smell."

I shoved his shoulder as we left my office, "Like you smell like a bunch of roses buddy." I turned back to Jamie, "That would be nice."

The rest of the night went smoothly, and nobody noticed my antsiness about the station house.


	12. Date Night

**A/N: I apologize for the nerdiness of this chapter. You can thank my dear friend LittleRed. She was reading Harry Potter out loud to a few of us while I was writing this chapter. You should go check her story out. It's her own creation that takes place in Camelot and modern day America. Arthur and Merlin and Uther are all in it. It's really good. I'll post a link to her profile at the bottom of the page. (It's still on fanfiction, just in the mythical section.) Ok that ends my shameless story recommendation. **

**Emily POV**

The ride home was quiet. Jamie was making sure he didn't get lost on the way back to my apartment, Jules was apprehensive because I had never brought a guy home this many times so quick after meeting him, and I was just dead tired. I was trying to keep my eyes open and not fall asleep on the way home. Thankfully there wasn't much traffic so the ride home didn't take that long.

We walked up the stairs and I fumbled with my keys. Jewls huffed at me, "Thankfully it's Friday."

"Why?" Jamie looked confused.

We walked in and I just collapsed at the kitchen counter as Jewls responded, "She can sleep this weekend and not function."

I laid my head down on the countertop and closed my eyes, "I can stay awake long enough to help you with homework."

"Yeah and I'll get accepted into Hogwarts this birthday."

I chuckled, "Didn't you know they moved the acceptance date to the 15th birthday?"

I could hear Jamie walking behind me, "I take it you're both fans of the movies?"

My head shot up; Jewls was going to lay into him for this, "The MOVIES?" She screamed.

I got up to take her shoulder bag. I could at least make sure she had nothing to throw at Jamie. She didn't even realize I took it from her either. I touched her shoulder and guided her to the kitchen stool. I got out the takeout menus, "Let's just stay here and have dinner. There's no food in the fridge because I had planned on going shopping tomorrow. We can just order Chinese or something."

"How can you care about food when your boyfriend didn't read the Harry Potter books?"

I walked past her and took her coat, "Pick some food and then you can debate the merits of books versus movies."

She pointed to her usual items on the menu and I grabbed the phone. I turned to Jamie, "I'll have the same."

Once I hung up I pulled another stool over for Jamie to sit. "Have you even read the books?" I asked. Maybe I could settle this without too much blood being shed.

Jewls turned to me, "Even if he did, you don't ask if you've seen the _movies._ You ask if you've read the books."

Jamie decided to actually defend himself; "More people have seen the movies than people who have read the books."

She threw up her hands, "And that's why people are so illiterate lately!"

He snorted, "You're what fourteen? Maybe fifteen?"

I smiled, "My point exactly. She claims to have lived this entire lifetime and doesn't even have her drivers permit yet."

She turned to me, "Harry Potter was my childhood! I was so sad when the last book was released!"

Jamie turned to her, "At lot of people were really nostalgic when it came out."

She turned back to him, "So you read them all?"

He chuckled, "So many times I lost count before the sixth book came out."

Her face lit up, "How old were you when it came out?"

Jamie turned to me. Was he actually going to tell me how old he was? "I was in undergraduate school then."

I put my head in my hands and Julia laughed. I groaned. Was he really that young? Jewls looked over to me, "You're a cradle robber!"

I groaned again as Jamie looked at me, "How old are you?"

I could tell this could end up bad. Thankfully the Chinese place rang the bell and called up saying they were here. "I'll get it," I fled the room. Thankfully my phone was still in my pocket. I called Nate on the way down.

He answered on the first ring, "Please don't tell me the date's that bad."

I paid the delivery guy and leaned against the wall, "Well that depends on your definition of bad." Either way I was screwed. Jewls was right; I was a cradle-robber.

"What happened?" I could hear his sigh as his kids laughed in the back round.

"Hand the phone to Sarah." I knew he wouldn't understand but she would.

"Just tell me Em, it can't be that bad."

"Just do it Nate." Why was he always so damn stubborn?

"Fine." I could hear him hand it to Sarah as he went to play with his kids.

"What's up hun?" Sarah was one of the few women that I would ever tell my problems to.

"It's Jamie." She had come to the station yesterday and brought me coffee. We talked about him for a little bit before we talked about the kids.

"Is he cute? Is he smart? Does Jewls like him? Aren't you still on a date with him? Nate said you smelled. Have you showered yet?" She was also one of the few people who could get away with calling Andrew Nate. She only ever did it when she was talking to me for some reason though.

"Well that adds to my problems now. But yeah I'm still on a date with him. We're both tired so I just ordered Chinese. I'm down in the lobby picking it up."

"Mmhhhm. That's not it, is it?"

"No. Jewls was talking about the Harry Potter books and asked how old was he when one of them came out."

"Uh oh." She paused as she told one of her kids to behave, "What did he say?"

I rubbed my hand along my face, "That he was in undergrad when the 6th one came out."

She paused to do the math, "What year did that one come out in?" We had both read it because Jewls read it, and her oldest was five years younger than Julia and had just started reading it now.

"2005."

She blew out her breath, "Wow."

"Yeah." Neither of us could think of anything to say.

"So he's what, eight years younger than you? That's not that bad."

"It's probably closer to nine."

"That's not really that bad."

"It might even be about ten." I tried not to laugh at the irony of it all, "Jewls called me a cradle-robber. I bet right now she's calling him a grave-digger or something of the sort." I didn't hear anything on the other line, "You still there?"

"I'm just trying to figure out why you would leave Julia alone with him after a conversation like that. What else did she tell him?"

"Shit!" I hung up and flew up the stairs. I had never climbed nine flights of stairs so fast in my life. I burst in my door, and leaned over out of breath. I really should've taken the elevator.

"Oh good the food's here!" Jamie said. He sounded nervous. He looked down to me, "You okay?"

I nodded, "should've taken the elevator."

Julia smiled, "What did you think we were doing up here?"

I laid the takeout bags on the counter and pointed at her, "I know exactly what you're capable of. It's why you keep saying you're going to become a lawyer for the firefighters union."

She just smiled at me and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, 'Yeah but I'll never admit it.' When she did decide to make a comment she said, "Well it's either that or actually become a firefighter." I was proud of her for wanting to follow in my footsteps but no mom wanted to even think of their daughter being in that much danger.

Jamie decided to change the subject, "I went to law school. I didn't take the bar though."

Julia's eyes lit up, "Really? What was it like? How was it? How hard was the LSAT? What law school did you go to? Why didn't you take the bar?"

I held up my hands, "Let the man eat Jewls. Eat some of your food too." I grabbed mine out of the bag and sat on the stool across from the two of them. Jewls was almost literally bouncing up and down in her seat from excitement. "Fine. Jamie, what law school did you go to?"

He slowly started answering Julia's questions. After she had calmed down some Jamie started going into more personal topics. "I never took the bar because my brother was shot on duty." I dropped my fork in surprise. Thankfully I didn't start choking on my food.

"How did your brother die?" I needed him to say it. I needed the certainty.

"He was shot on duty by a bunch of corrupt cops."

Fuck. I was dating the police commissioner's son. I wanted to bang my head against the wall. "I'm sorry for your loss." He didn't need to know about my personal relationship with his father, at least not yet.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Thanks. It's been a few years though and we solved who did it." Yup, definitely the commissioner's son. I was screwed.

"So why did you join the academy?" Thankfully Julia had a never-ending sense of curiosity.

"It's the family business. I thought that by becoming a defense attorney I could help people, but then I realized that I'd just be helping people like Joe's killer."

"One of my friends think she wants to be a lawyer. It's either that or be a cop she says."

He laughed, "She's got a long time to decide though."

Jewls smiled, "Yeah. Sometimes it seems like too long though."

"Hey, don't go talking like that with your old mom here. I don't wanna think about when you move out." Jewls smiled at me and rolled her eyes.

"How old are you anyways?" Jamie asked.

I thought I had dodged this question for tonight. "Old enough." Maybe that would settle it for awhile.

"Hmph." Thankfully it did. "How long have you been in the fire department?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Since 9/11." He just didn't need to know that I was there before that. Hopefully he had forgotten that Julia's father had been there that day.

He nodded, "A lot of firemen joined up after that." I had to stop myself from correcting him on that. A lot of people joined up out of patriotism. I just happened to already be on the force. There were better people in the world than me.

Jamie could tell I was uncomfortable with this topic, "So do you have any family in the fire department?" Well he might as well know now.

"My grandfather is the fire commissioner." What he didn't need to know was that our fathers got on each other's nerves a lot. And I mean a lot. They both argued about budgets all the time. And when they weren't arguing about that, they were arguing about who needs what equipment and other such things. So basically my grandfather and his father hated each other but were too much of gentlemen to admit it so they just always said they were at odds with the other.

"Oh." His eyes didn't go wide so I took it to mean he didn't know his father hated my grandfather.

"Yup."

"Her brother used to be on her crew but then he became a social services worker."

"Oh that's cool. I suppose he wanted to help children." He seemed to realize that it was kind of a dumb statement so he added, "Any other siblings?"

I told him a little about Katie and how she was still mad at me. I refrained from telling him about my alcoholism though. I didn't need to completely scare him off tonight.

After we cleaned up I went to take a shower while Jewls pulled out her homework. I told her she could do it in front of the TV so we could help her if she needed it. Once I got out of the shower I put on some light clothes. Jamie had brought sweat pants and a wife beater t-shirt so I had on a tank-top and flannel pants. It seemed we were having a comfy clothes night. Jewls had changed out of her school uniform into her pajamas too.

Jamie put a movie in and sat on the couch. "Hang on, I'll be right back." I went into the kitchen to grab something.

I came back with three small buckets of ice cream and some spoons. I let Jamie pick the flavor first because this was a date afterall. I sat close to him so I could lean on him but still look at him.

Halfway through the movie I had learned about his siblings, helped Jewls complete two math assignments, and had Jamie's arm around me.

Three-quarters of the way through the movie I was almost falling asleep. We had all finished our ice cream and it was sitting on the table. Jewls was leaning against me and had fallen asleep. It wasn't even ten minutes later when I fell asleep against Jamie.

**A/N: Phew! Ok here's the link to my friends profile. I would seriously suggest checking it out. If you do, and either PM me or leave a reply that you read it, you'll get a spoiler of the next few chapters! You'll like it I promise. She's a growing author, and you can see her work getting better as the chapters go on. I highly recommend it! Just copy and paste it into your browser, and erase the spaces! Enjoy!**

**http: / www . fanfiction . net / u / 3371170 / Littelred**


	13. Coffee

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! You don't know how happy it makes me that every chapter after 10 has reviews! **

**Emily POV**

Thankfully I was the first one to wake up. Jewls was laying on the floor and had grabbed one of the pillows. I couldn't remember when she had stopped leaning against me. I uncurled myself from Jamie and went to make breakfast. It wasn't until I opened the fridge that I remembered that we literally had no food. I rifled through our cupboards to see if we at least had instant pancake mix. We had every kind of mix except pancake mix. It figures we would run out of food the one night I needed to play a good host. I grabbed my keys and ran across the street to Nate's and Sarah's apartment. It was still pretty early so I didn't have to worry about any traffic in the street.

I took the elevator up this time, remembering what happened last night. Once I got to their door I just used my key. If they weren't up I could leave a note. I got into the kitchen and saw Sarah drinking coffee at the table.

"Is everything ok?"

I froze; I was caught. "Yeah." I gulped. How was I going to explain this, "I need breakfast food. I have no food in my house."

She pointed to the fridge, "Everything you'll need is in there." She just smiled.

I grabbed the eggs, some peppers, ham and cheese. Then I turned to grab coffee and orange juice. When I had all this in a bag I turned back to Sarah, "Thanks."

"I take it the date went well."

I just knew she was going to say something, "Yup."

She waited for me to say more. "I don't get any details?"

I shook my head, "Our clothes stayed on all night."

"Oh so something did happen!"

I shook my head again, "No time! They could wake up any minute!"

She shooed me out of her door, "Well go then! What are you waiting for?"

We both laughed and I ran back to my apartment. I was surprised I hadn't seen any of her kids or Nate; Nate had probably kept them up late so he could spend as much time with them as posssible. I turned the stove on and put the orange juice in the fridge. Within ten minutes I had made two plates with omelets, and was making the third.

**Jamie POV**

I fell asleep with Emily curled against me, my arm around her shoulders, and Julia leaning against her. The only thought I had before I fell asleep was that this was great.

This morning I woke up and Julia was on the floor with a pillow and Emily was nowhere to be found. I put the blanket that was on the back of the couch on Julia and went in search of Emily.

I headed towards the kitchen. Immediately I smelled omelets, and melted cheese. My stomach rumbled and thanked God that Emily knew how to cook. Could this woman get any better?

I went in and sat on the stools we were on last night and watched her cook. She munched on cut up peppers while she cooked. Occasionally she would move to flip the omelet or to take a sip of her orange juice. She passed by me once and I heard her humming to herself. I finally cleared my throat so she would hear me. Instantly she turned around, moved back, and had a steak knife pointed at me. I held my hand up in a defensive position and stayed where I was. "It's just me Emily. You're okay."

She gave me a wane smile and put the knife down, "Sorry. You scared me. I thought you were still asleep."

I moved towards her and turned the stove off. "The omelet's going to burn."

**Emily POV**

"Oh." He was really close to me; the closest he's ever been. He leaned in and I looked straight at him. We were the same height. He moved me against the counter and leaned in a little more.

"How long do you think Julia will sleep for?"

"What?" That was not what I wanted him to ask.

"How long?" He instisted.

"At least until the coffee's done. And I haven't even put it on yet."

He smiled, "Good." And he leaned in to kiss me.


	14. Kissing and Laughter

**A/N: Ok I realize I am a horrible person for leaving the last chapter like that, but I just can't help it sometimes! I enjoy suspense! **

**I own everything you don't see in the show.**

**Jamie POV**

I leaned in a little further and rested my head on her forehead. I needed her to be sure this was what she wanted. I needed to bes sure I wanted to have our first kiss with her kid in teh other room, ready to wake up any minute.

After a minute she leaned in and kissed me. I smiled and deepened the kiss. One of my hands wrapped around her head, pulling her closer to me, and the other wrapped around her lower back, preventing her from leaving me.

We only pulled apart when we had to breathe, and her face was lit up. I had never seen her smile this big; even when shelaughed at me earlier this week. On Wednesday I couldn't stand to wait any longer so I dropped by her station house with lunch. She was working on the fire truck again and I made sure to announce myself when I walked into the garage. _"Hello?"_

_She rolled out from underneath the truck. "Hey." She gave me a small smile, "What are you doing here?"_

_I shrugged my shoulders, "I have the week off from the concussion remember?"_

_She smiled, "I remember. I'm not the one with the concussion." _

"_So it's okay to make jokes about my injuries now?" I laughed._

"_Perfectly acceptable, even encouraged." __She wiped her hands on the towel, "You hungry? We're just cooking lunch. It's Nate's day to cook so it should be edible." _

_I held up the bag I had brought, "I've got lunch here. I was hoping you wanted some too."_

_She waved to the counter and hopped up, "Come on up. We can eat down here."_

_The countertop was a good five feet off the floor and she had made the jump so easily, "All right but don't make fun of me if I can't make it on the first jump."_

_She pointed to a small stool, "Use that if you can't get up." She snickered._

"_Oh so it's a challenge now is it?"_

_She tried to hide her smile behind her hand, "If you can make it." I tried to jump up on the counter, and almost fell on my ass. She started laughing and helped pull me up on the counter. She dug in the bag and pulled out the sandwiches. She handed me one and took the other. Then she proceeded to pull out the fries. She flattened the bag out on it and dumped the fries on that. "Now it'll be easier to get them." I nodded and took a bit of my sandwich. "Any pop?"_

_I pointed to the other bag. "There's also chocolate shakes in there." She laughed softly and shook her head. "What?"_

"_I was just thinking of the last time a man served me this meal."_

_She was still smiling softly so I assumed it was a good memory, "When was it?"_

_She turned to face me and I was surprised she didn't fall off the counter. She seemed to have the agility of a cat. "Right as my siblings and I were put into foster care."_

_I knew she was telling me this when no one else was around because there was more of a story behind it. "Why?" I knew this would be enough. _

"_My mom died when I was young. My father beat her, and ended up killing her. He beat me too."_

_I moved a little closer to her, "Did he ever touch your siblings?"_

_She shook her head, "Only a few times. Every time he did I would hit him. Katie was never touched, and the time where he almost broke Sam's arm I started hitting him. It got me a broken shoulder blade and cracked ribs. Some of the scars you saw the other day were from the surgery trying to fix it."_

_I nodded, "How long had he been hitting you for?"_

_She looked at the spot next to my ear, "A long time. He never really stopped hitting me, even when I fought back."_

_I scooted close to her so my thigh was touching her feet. "Do you remember a time when he wasn't hitting you?"_

_She looked me in the eye before she responded, "No."_

I came back to the present when she leaned in to kiss me again. This was just a slight peck on the lips, but it was as effective as the first one. "Where did you go just there?"

"I was thinking about lunch on Wednesday."

"Oh." She grabbed my hand, "Are you mad I told you this soon?"

I smiled, "We just had one hell of a passionate kiss and you're asking about too soon?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

"I'm not mad. Don't worry. I just have a few questions is all. But you don't need to answer them now."

"I want to. Anything you want to know."

**Emily POV**

I meant it. If he wanted to know about the times I was tortured, I would even tell him that. Whatever he wanted to know.

**Jamie POV**

"Ok." We sat down at our plates and Julia came in to get her food. She went back into the living room to watch TV and let us talk. Emily told me about the first sixteen years of her life while I told her about the last sixteen years of mine. We both realized we each had our own demons, but that we could handle them if we were careful.


	15. Evading the Truth

**A/N: Hey guys, what's up? Any specific scenes from either Emily or Jamie's childhood you would like to see in here? I'll try to work it in if possible.**

**Emily POV**

I shut the door and leaned my forehead against it. I couldn't stop myself form smiling even though I had just told Jamie about some of the worst times of my life. We had talked all throughout breakfast, and even while we were cleaning the dishes. I told Jamie the briefest information about each foster home until the last one, and he told me about undergrad and law school and then when his brother died. The entire time it didn't seem to matter the differences in our ages.

I stayed like that for a few minutes until I heard a tap at the door. I opened it and saw Sarah. She smiled, "So, how was it?"

Jewls came into the room, "Yeah; dish, how was it?"

I smiled and shook my head, "You two are unbelievable. He literally just left. How did you get over here so fast?"

Sarah started making herself a pot of coffee, "Jewls called me when she noticed Jamie was getting ready to leave. I came over and waited in the staircase until I saw him leave." She shrugged her shoulders like it was that simple. "So how was the first date?"

Jewls looked at her and smiled, "This wasn't the first date."

I wanted to bang my head on the table; again. I had hoped nobody had noticed that.

Sarah looked at her, "How do you know?"

"At my lunch-break on Wednesday I went to the station house to see if Mom wanted to have lunch, but when I got there, Jamie was already there. So I went up and had lunch with Drew instead."

I looked at her, "Honey, you know you could've came and had lunch with me right? I would've made Jamie leave."

She gave me a small hug, "But I saw how happy you were Mom. I knew that I could come back for dinner with you that night; and I did. Besides I missed Uncle Drew."

Sarah nudged me, "Stop trying to change the subject. Tell me everything."

"It was….nice." I wasn't really sure how to describe it. Sarah wouldn't understand why I had told him so much about my life so fast, and Jewls didn't need to get her hopes up that I was finally finding a guy I could bring home; besides the fact that I had already brought him home.

"Well did you mean to have him spend the night?" Sarah asked.

"Maybe?" I wasn't really sure in the first place, "I called him yesterday mornign to ask him if we could go to a movie or something instead of going to his place because I was exhausted. So he said he'd bring some sweats or something and we could just hang out around my house. I don't think he meant to fall asleep here, but I'm glad he did." I couldn't hide my smile.

Jewls smiled, "He kissed you didn't he?"

I shook my head, "I don't kiss and tell, even if it did happen." I needed to be sure about Jamie before I got her hopes up that I could actually have a functional romantic relationship with a man. Or I at least needed to talk to Frank and ask his advice before I let Julia know we kissed.


	16. Hello Mr Commisioner

**A/N: Ok, this is the last chapter for a few days. I felt so bad about not posting for awhile, that I used up my suply of prewritten chapters. I'll try not to go as long without posting this time, but it's been hard because I've been working 65+ hours a week for almost two months. Thankfully at one of my jobs I have a lot of downtime or else you woldn't even have had all these chapters yet. Enjoy!**

It was two weeks before I had the time to go see the commissioner. Jamie and I had gone out nearly every day, or he had come to the firehouse with dinner. On those days Julia would get a ride over and have dinner with us.

I pulled up to One Police Plaza and parked. I just sat in my car; waiting. Why did I have to tell him? Isn't this between Jamie and I? I hadn't even told my own grandfather yet, so why was I telling Jamie's father?

I knew the answer to that without even thinking. Frank deserved to know this from me, especially because this was a big secret to keep. Frank had helped me out more times than I could count with Sam and Katie, and then again with Jewls. Finally I realized that not telling him would cause more harm than telling him would. I opened my door, and walked over to the building.

The elevator ride up was one of the longest ones I've ever taken. It seemed someone had to get off at every floor. Now I realized why a lot of police officers were over-weight. By the top floor I was almost pacing in the elevator. I held on to the side railing just to stop myself. I heard the ding of the elevator, and I burst through the doors. "Lieutenant Baker." I nodded a hello.

"Captain; are you here to see the commissioner?"

I nodded, "Is he busy?"

"Well considering you didn't just barge in his office this time, you can see him in five minutes. His meeting should be finishing up now and he should have everyone out of his office by then."

I nodded and sat in one of the chairs she pointed to. I had never sat in these before. Frank and I had either gone out to lunch before, or I had been too furious with one of his officers to wait and had barged in to his office, no matter the circumstance. I started to fidget after the five minutes, and Baker just looked at me and rolled her eyes. I never had any patience when it came to Frank.

"Do you want me to let him know you're here?" I nodded, and she got up and knocked on the door.

Only a few minutes later a few people walked out of his office. I made sure to stay in my corner so no one noticed me. Even after all these years I was still wary of letting the police notice me. Frank was the last one to come out. He looked around the room, and then finally settled on where I was. "I don't think you've ever sat in those chairs. The few times Lieutenant Baker has been able to make you wait, you've paced the room the entire time."

I chuckled, "I figured I'd play nice this time."

He motioned for me to enter the room first, and I went and sat across from his desk. "You're even sitting in the right chair." Normally I sat on his couch. I knew the desk was there just to assert his power over his officers. It was why most of the time his meetings were always in the conference room. I figured he needed someone to bring him back to earth every now and again.

I shrugged my shoulders, "There's always a first time for something."

He sat down, "How's Julia?"

I smiled, "Good. She's making more friends at the school this year, so that's good. She's no longer just the fire chief's daughter. How's Nikki?"

"You probably know anyways with how close those two are."

I laughed, "She slept over at my house one night this past week. The girls loved it. I'm surprised Erin allowed it on a school night." He raised his eyebrow, "You convinced her didn't you?"

He nodded and chuckled, "She can be overprotective sometimes, but she's just being careful."

He made sure to look at me when he said that, "Hey! My over protectiveness is for a reason!"

"Yeah sure." He just nodded and I tried to ignore that. The moment my father stepped out of prison Jewls would be in danger. The same went for my last foster father. I don't know how, but they had both found out about her. The moment they were out of prison it was only a matter of time of whether they went for me, or for Julia. Frank could see where my mind had gone, and tried to reassure me, "You'll both be protected if they ever get out, and you know that." I nodded. What he didn't know was that my cabin up north was basically a bunker. Only Sam, Nate, Jewls, and a few other people knew how outfitted it was. Everyone else just thought it was a regular cabin.

"Anyway, how are you Frank? I had the day off and thought I'd come surprise you. Let's go to lunch."

He didn't even bat an eye. "Just tell me what you have to say now, and then we'll go to lunch."

"How do you know I have something to tell you?"

"Because you never surprise me. You hate being in 1PP. The only times you come here are to yell at me, or to pick me up for lunch. And even then you still try to avoid being here." Well it seems my aversion to the police had not gone unnoticed. "It's all right Emily, I understand. It's been conditioned into you your whole life to not trust the police. And your grandfather doesn't exactly help that either."

I harrumphed, "It's not like I'm a kid Frank."

"Conditioning that strong will have life-long effects and you know it."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Don't change the subject Emily." He leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. "How bad is it?"

Well that depends on how you look at it, but hopefully he wouldn't be too mad at me. "I started dating again."

"Well that's not so bad. Which officer is it?"

He laughed when my face lit up in surprise, "How'd you know?"

"Well if it was just anybody, you wouldn't have taken so long to tell me; it had to be a police officer, and someone I know. Julia can stay over at my house anytime you like."

"Thanks. Does your son still live with you?" I was actually curious about this.

He thought I was changing the subject, "No. He only stays over when I ask him to now, or after the occasional Sunday dinner when he doesn't want to drive back to his place. But how many times have you seen this officer?"

"A lot in the past two months; sometimes every day. He brings dinner to the station house a lot. He's even cooked dinner for the whole crew a few times. I don't know how he managed that with a success, but he said it was his grandfather's famous meatloaf." I hoped this would give him the hint.

"And you want to know if he's actually a nice guy."

I shook my head, "I already know that. He's been to your family dinners a lot." If Frank didn't get this hint wouldn't be as smart as I thought he was.

"Danny's old-partner? The one who went with him when they transported that old mobster?"

Okay I could give him that one. He actually could be a possibility. "Nope. He's one of your sons." I just let that sink in.

"Linda would never let Danny cheat on her, and you know Joe's dead right?" He really thought I was dumb if he was asking me that question, and I told him so. "Well Jamie never told me he was in a relationship with a firefighter. He just said he wanted to thank the firefighter who saved his life a few months ago in a fire in a —"

"Tunnel." I cut him off.

He just stared at me, "Wow."

I gave him a small wave, "Hi, I'm the firefighter who saved your son, and then wasn't smart enough to realize he's your son when you showed up at the hospital that night."

"I don't know what to say." He looked dumbstruck.

"And then I also didn't put it together when we pulled up to Julia's school and he said his niece went there." I waited a few seconds, "And again when he said his brother was dead. But to be fair on that one, he never said he had another brother or that the first brother died on the job."

He snorted a laugh, "You were really in denial weren't you?"

I nodded and rubbed my hand on the back of my neck, "yeah. I finally realized he was your son a few weeks ago when he told me how Joe died."

"I can see why you were in denial. You're not in the best position are you?"

I shook my head, "I really like him Frank."

"Are you looking for my permission, or asking my approval?"

"Neither. This isn't the 1970s."

He chuckled, "I'm aware of that."

"I just wanted you to hear it from me. And I wanted to ask you a favor." He waved for me to continue, "I want to be the one to tell Jamie about the last foster home and the alcoholism. He deserves for me to tell him."

He nodded, "That's not exactly father son conversation."

"I also want to be the one to tell him how screwed up I am because of it."

He paused, "Oh." I knew he would only want to protect his son, even if it meant protecting him from me. "You have to tell him before he brings you to a Sunday dinner or I will."

That gave me a few weeks at best. I knew how important the family dinners were to Jamie, because I did something similar with Jewls. We had our own date night once every month, and more often than not it was twice a month. "I can do that. I'll let you know when I tell him." I knew Jamie would need to talk to his father about all of it.

"That would be great."

We both thought over our conversation, "Do you still want to go to lunch? I did say I was going to surprise you."

He smiled, "That would be nice."

**Frank POV**

I had never guessed that Jamie would end up dating Emily. They were a lot alike, but I never thought Emily would even think of settling down; raising Julia not counting. I had especially never thought of the two ending up together because I thought of Emily as family; even though she refused to meet any of the rest of my family. She said that family was sacred and she didn't want her problems screwing up my family's life. Now it looked like she had no choice. If I new Jamie, he wouldn't let Emily go too easily; especially if he liked Julia.


	17. Getting Arrested

**A/N: So yeah, my resolve to have this chapter wait a few days didn't even last ten hours. Pretty sad huh?**

I went to see Jamie the next day. I decided to ignore the people I didn't want to run into at his station, and went anyway. I knew he was on desk duty today to catch up on paperwork. I signed myself in so I wouldn't get into trouble, and asked directions to the desk Jamie was using.

I turned the corner and immediately saw the person I was trying to avoid. I couldn't even remember his name because I always called him Bozo. His name was Gonzo or Gordon, or something like that. He was always giving me crap, and would always cause more complications at every fire he was at. When he had transferred to this precinct I was glad.

He walked over to me, "Well crappy, what's up?" He shoved me. I always tried to keep my temper with him, especially because his wife was one of Julia's teachers. I didn't want them causing problems for her. He always called me 'crappy' because my people called me 'cappy' sometimes.

"Nothing Bozo, now leave me alone. You wouldn't want me to have to write complaint against you, would you?"

"Then I guess you wouldn't want your daughter to get an F would you now?"

He pushed me some more, and I pushed him back. It seemed I had hit a nerve because I usually just walked away from him. I can show restraint sometimes. He swung at me, and I ducked and went for his legs. He stumbled, but came at me again. I saw some people running towards us, and I backed up. I knew this would get him in trouble. Unfortunately, they were all still at the other end of the hallway. I knew I would need someone to vouch for me, or else I would get blamed for this until someone looked at the security tapes. I yelled, "REAGAN," as loud as I could. Bozo swung at me a few more times, but I continued to back up. I kicked him in the groin, and he went down like a rock. I backed up against the wall, and held my hands over my head; I knew the drill. I had been in plenty of bar fights before I had gotten sober.

A few officers came over to me and held me back. When they saw I wasn't resisting, they just put me in cuffs. I probably wouldn't have been put in cuffs if I hadn't kicked Bozo. Jamie ran up and saw I was in cuffs, "Take those off her." Because he wasn't exactly the most senior officer here, no one did anything. I knew they wouldn't listen to him until Bozo was taken care of either.

"If you reach into my back pocket, my fire captain ID is in there. I was just here to visit Officer Reagan when this officer attacked me."

An officer I didn't know spoke up, "Why would he harass you?"

I smiled, "Because I beat him up in middle school and he still hasn't gotten over it. His wife is my daughter's teacher and they've been threatening to harass her for years once she finally reached his wife's grade." To be fair, he was picking on Sam. He had started to get physical one day when I stepped in.

I heard Bozo whisper, "She's a lying bitch, I've never seen her before in my life."

It was then when I saw Bozo's commanding officer walk over. I knew him, and he knew how bozo had harassed me for years, but that I could never prove it. I had filed many complaints about Bozo to him. "Tell them he's lying." All civilians had been cleared of this are, even though some had taken a few pictures. I knew that would come back to haunt me, but right now I didn't care.

His C.O just nodded, "We've been trying to get Bozo fired for years. Let her go." No one moved because there were other people who had more rank. "At least put her in an interrogation room without the cuffs until we get this sorted."

I spoke up right away, "I want a phone call to my lawyer too."

Jamie snorted and had to hide his face. I had told him a few days ago that Katie was my lawyer, even though she lived in Italy. Lately she had only talked to me as my lawyer. She was still mad at me for being an alcoholic. I had missed one too many birthdays for her. In reality, I had missed two. And on one of those, I was working and couldn't get out of it. She was still mad at me for leaving them during foster care, and was mad at me that I wouldn't tell her what happened at my last foster care. I had told her that I was tortured, but I knew she wasn't mature enough to handle the rest. She was furious that Sam knew and she didn't. She was also mad that I hadn't let Julia's grandparents take her in. Julia had never known them, because Jared's parents died before she was born, and Julia's maternal grandparents lived up in Canada, and could hardly take care of themselves at the time. I wasn't much better, but at least I could pick her up. Basically, Katie was mad about a lot of things, and had run away to our grandparents in Italy and had refused to deal with her anger. I knew I wasn't much better with most of my problems, but I still remained a functioning individual.

"Fine. Giver her that." I knew they were thinking of the potential law suit with an officer attacking me, and just wanted to make me happy.

"She's in Italy right now, so it'll be a long-distance call."

Jamie chuckled, "She can use my phone if I get to stay in the room with her."

Now it was my turn to chuckle, "Sorry Jamie, another person present when a person talks to their attorney voids attorney-client privilege." I winked at him to let him know that I would tell him what Katie said later.

They sat me down in the interrogation room, and let me have my privacy. IT took a few minutes for Kate to pick up, but eventually she did, "Hello?"

"It's me. And before you hang up I need you as my lawyer, not my sister." I hated saying that, but I needed her to talk to me somehow.

"What did you do now?"

I rolled my eyes, "This time it wasn't actually my fault-"

She cut me off, "Bull shit. You've started drinking again haven't you?"

I tried not to get mad, "No. It'll be 11 years this September." I sighed, and tried not to think about it.

"Sure. Well tell me what you want or I'm hanging up." Her voice was getting mean.

I tried not to wince, and continued, "Do you remember the officer whose wife is Julia's teacher?"

"Yes." Her answers were curt.

"I saw him while visiting someone at his station today."

"I told you to just stay away from that station house, why can't you ever listen?"

I had done a good job with raising Sam, but being separated from Katie for so long had devastating affects on her. "Because I was visiting my boyfriend." Wow, had I really just given Jamie that label?

"You told me you would never have a boyfriend, just have meaningless relationships." That wasn't exactly what I'd said but I let it pass.

"That's what I thought, but Jamie's different."

"You met him at an AA meeting didn't you?"

She acted like everyone who was an alcoholic was a scum bag. "No." Now I was getting mad. "I saved him at a fire one day, and we just hit it off. We've been seeing each other ever since then." I didn't even let her get a word in, "He's Frank's son."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I was visiting Jamie during his lunch break."

"Isn't he a little young for you? He's what, my age?"

I gave her a short laugh, "Probably. We've sorting been dancing around the edges of that issue." She didn't say anything so I continued, "Near as I can figure, he's 28."

She sighed, "That's not too bad."

I heard a knock at the door, "Hurry up. There are some people here to talk to you."

It seemed Katie had heard that too, "Ok so tell me what you need." She was a little nicer now, but I could still tell she wanted to get off the phone.

I explained the situation to her, "I just need you to call that buddy of yours at your old law firm."

"Yeah I can do that. It might take a day or two."

"There's kind of a rush. Sam's still in Africa for a week. I need to get home to Jewls."

"How is he?" Her voice softened. I knew they talked more often than she talked to me, but Katie was still stubborn.

I ignored her questions, "How are grams and gramps?"

She refused to tell me anything about them, and they hardly ever talked on the phone. The last time I had talked to them was a year ago when we went to Italy for a week. "Fine. I have to go." And she hung up. I sighed and put the phone down. "Ok, I'm done," I yelled out the door.

An officer that wasn't involved in the scuffle came in, "Stand up, we're putting the cuffs back on you."

"What? Why?" I thought we had this taken care of.

"The commissioner wants to talk to you, and we have to make sure he's safe." I just stood up and didn't cause a fuss.

He left and shut the door. Immediately I started working to get the cuffs off. Thankfully I had a hairpin in. I straightened it out with my teeth, and got to work.

Twenty minutes later Frank came in. I waved to him, and the cuffs fell off. The officer who put them on ran over to stop me, but Frank just waved him away, "She doesn't need cuffs. She's not the one who through the first punch."

"So you looked at the security tapes?"

He shook his head, "I've read all the complaints you filed against Officer Morales in the past." Well I was completely wrong on his name. "I've known about them for years."

I chuckled and rubbed my wrists, "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"IAB was contacted about three years ago and they've been looking into him and a few other officers for police brutality. They're here today to bring up charges against the officers. It seemed Morales got a heads up, and was on his way out when you showed up."

"Well don't I have a knack for being in the wrong spot at the wrong time?"

"He probably would've skipped town if you hadn't stopped him. By the way, you have a black eye."

I put my hand up to my eye and felt the bruise, "It's not too bad."

There was another knock at the door, and Jamie stepped in, "They said you wanted to talk to me?" He was surprised that I was still in the room.

Well I definitely couldn't put this conversation off any longer. I threw him his phone as a distraction, "Thanks. Katie was as friendly as ever." I knew Frank wanted to hear about her, but I held my hand up for him to wait. "Jamie, you may want to sit down."

"What's wrong? They aren't charging you are they?"

Frank explained about the situation with IAB to him, and then let me continue, "You're father and I are friends. We have been for years." There was no other way to say it other than to spit it out, "He's taken me out of every foster home I've been in except two." I gave Frank a pass for when I lived on the streets and the home before that. He took me out of Jared's home though, even though he didn't want to.

Jamie thought for a moment, "The last one too right?" It seemed Jamie was as smart as his father.

"Yeah." I was paused and looked at Frank, "He didn't know it was me at that one though." I really hoped Jamie just left it at that for now. This was not a conversation I wanted to have with Frank here.

Jamie knew that too, "Ok." Hopefully he trusted that I would tell it all to him later.

I waited a few seconds, "And he basically hates my grandfather because they argue over who needs a bigger budget all the time. Plus with how much trouble I cause it doesn't make the tension easier." Frank just laughed at my last comment.

"So? We can just make them hate each other more by dating." Then he smirked, "I was told to bring you home."

I laughed and shook my head, "You volunteered for it, didn't you?"

He nodded, "Did you bring your car? I don't have mine."

I looked at Frank and he just nodded his head. I knew my timetable to tell Jamie what happened to me had just gotten shorter.


	18. Tears

Jamie came home with me that night. I cooked dinner for him, and even had Julia stay over at Nate's house. I sat him down once I had finished cooking. "There are a few things I need to tell you." He nodded for me to continue, "The biggest thing is that I'm a recovering alcoholic."

He nodded, "I kind of figured. You have no alcohol in the apartment, not even mouth wash. You also don't smoke, and the only reason you take pain medication is when people force you to." He noticed that I tried to stay away from all addictive substances.

I rubbed the back of my neck, "It's that obvious huh?" He nodded, "Are you mad I didn't tell you?"

He laughed, "If there's one thing I've learned about you, you don't tell people things about yourself in the order they happened. You tell them in the order you think is important and don't care what other people think is important. That's fine with me, but Nate cornered me last week and finally told me. He said you were being too chicken about it and I deserved to know."

What? Nate had never done this with any of the guys I dated in my twenties. But then again, a lot of the guys I dated in my twenties were not fit to bring home to show off. Quite frankly I was lucky I didn't get and STD from a few of them.

"He did?" Jamie nodded, "Oh. What else did he tell you?"

"That was it. He said you had to grow some balls and tell me everything else." Well now I had two people giving me deadlines on when to tell Jamie things. It was a good thing I had planned on doing so tonight.

"That sounds like Nate. But just because I'm an alcoholic doesn't mean you're not allowed to drink around me. I usually have enough self control not to want to steal someone's drink." I just went after the bottle they had open.

"But you'll go after the bottle, right?"

I laughed, "Yeah. When we go out to eat, or if we ever go to your place, you can drink. I just ask that you don't drink here."

"I can do that. Besides, this may be healthy for me, not being able to drink all that often."

I shook my head, "That's not my intention. It's your decision on when and where you drink, if you do at all. When the whole crew has barbecues, we have alcohol there, but there is also a separate bowl for the few of us who are alcoholics. And we are watched like hawks the entire time to make sure we don't drink."

"I'm sure people don't do that. They're probably considerate enough to let you have some dignity."

I smirked and shook my head, "I'm one of the people who watch the other alcoholics every time they take a sip, so I would know." He was kind enough not to ask their names.

"Ok, anything else I should know?"

I sighed, "About this? No." He waited for me to continue, "But I should tell you about my last foster home." I took a deep breath and told him the whole story. "How in depth do you want me to go on this?"

He looked me in the eye, "I want to know everything." I thought he would.

"Ok." I made sure to look him in the eye the entire time, and slowed when I could tell he needed to process what I just told him. "This wasn't the first foster home I was abused at. Do you remember me telling you that?" He nodded, "The only one I wasn't abused at was when I lived on the streets, and then at Jared's house."

He interrupted me, "And Jared is Julia's biological father."

"Yes. Basically we dating before I had to leave his house. He was my first kiss. But after a month or so, his mom couldn't afford to keep me in her house, so she had to put me back in foster care. I was placed in a home near the border. It turned out that that home was an underground human trafficking ring; specifically teenage girls." I let him process that. "Because the family wanted to get into the foster care system to harness the girls there, they kept me. The first week they started torturing me. My foster father was a sadist." I had to stop to take a deep breath. I continued to tell him everything I had told Nate those first few months in the hospital. When I told him what my foster father had done with the tazer he just gasped. I told him how I was so malnourished that Frank didn't even recognize me when he found me. I told him how I didn't speak for months, and how even now if my vocal cords are strained, my throat closes up and I can't talk. Then I told him how I was tortured again in the army. "My shoulder blade was cracked. Even today I still have trouble with it sometimes. It's been broken two more times since then." I asked if he wanted to see all the scars and he nodded. I took off everything except my bra and underwear and moved out from behind the counter. He saw the cuts to my ankles, the permanent scar from the shackle on my wrist, the faint scar going down the middle of my stomach, and little knife marks on my thighs. I lifted my head up and pointed at the scar that ran along my jawbone. "This was from my father. He nearly broke my jaw with that one and this was from corrective surgery years later."

I showed him the burn from a fire I got caught in before 9/11. "I had been in the department for three years when 9/11 happened. I'm almost 33 Jamie." He smiled a little bit at that. "I've been in the department for 13 years."

I could see the shock on his face, "I was there on 9/11." It seemed I was telling him this secret too. "I was hung over that day. My captain told me to stay by the truck and help people coming out while the rest of the team went up." I wiped a few tears from my eyes while Jamie handed me my shirt and led me to the couch, "None of them came down alive." He just pulled me to him and let me lean against him, "We never found some of their bodies. They were just incinerated." After a few seconds I continued, "There was one of our army buddies who was in the hospital the same time Nate and I were. He joked that if I wasn't married by the time I was 35, that he'd marry me." I didn't mean to scare Jamie with that, but it just slipped out. "We had been dating on and off since then. He would only stay with me when I was sober, which wasn't often."

"There's more, isn't there?" He said after a few minutes.

I nodded, "Yeah. That's one of the reasons I haven't dated in years. I tried a few times when Julia was little, but it never worked out. They were scared off by my past." I dried my eyes, "I can't have kids because of all the harm done to my body over the years. I have just enough eggs to keep my hormones in balance most of the time, but the doctors said that the egg will never be able to attach to my uterine wall. About half of the time I have to take additional hormone supplements to account for it." I sat up and pulled away from him.

He just gulped. "Ok. But there are other options too."

I shook my head, "I'm too screwed up to ever be aloud to adopt, and my eggs are damaged so they could never hold in another person's body. I don't want kids Jamie. Julia is enough for me." I wiped my eyes some more. "I've known about this since I was seventeen Jamie, and I never wanted kids before that. I won't change my mind." I took another breath, "If this is a deal breaker for you, I understand. But you need to be gone when morning comes if that's so."

I walked away from him into my bedroom. Jamie and I hadn't had sex yet, and I needed him to know this before we did. I sat on my bed, curled my legs into my chest and let the tears fall; afraid of what would come in the morning.


	19. Potential Resolutions

**Jamie POV**

Emily can't have kids. And I want kids. But I want Emily. Maybe I could change her mind? That wouldn't be fair to her though. She'd only raise a child she didn't want, and she knew what that felt like. I thought about how badly I wanted kids. I knew it was expected of me to have kids; that's just how it was in our family. We were so big that it was never considered we wouldn't get bigger. But did I really want kids? Could I give them up for Emily? Could I give Emily up to have kids sometime in the future? I could hardly go a day without seeing her now, and I slept over at her apartment more often than not. The only reason we hadn't had sex before now was because Emily had been exhausted from working so many hours at the department, or Julia had been over. I was fine with that, as long as Emily was comfortable.

But this was a different issue entirely. How could I decide in one night if I wanted kids or not? I mean, I had never fully pictured it, but I had always liked the possibility. But then I never thought I'd be dating someone who was almost seven years older than me. I was fine with her age, it wasn't even that big of a difference if you thought about it, so could I get over this? I could never have kids.

I sat and thought about it for a few minutes, and then realized I wasn't as devastated about the news as I should be. I was already really close to Julia, and was incredibly close with Nikki and Danny's kids. They were enough for now, weren't they?

I tried to picture my future. I could see Julia and Emily sitting next to me at one of the Sunday family dinners. I could see us happy. But could I see us with a baby? Was Emily the type of person to carry a child for nine months?

I thought about and realized the answer. Emily already gave up so much of herself to others, and even more in the fire department, that she wouldn't have much left to give a child. It was amazing that she had survived this far with her demons. Even if Emily could have a child, she was the type of person who never would. And I realized that with her, I was that type of person too.

I got up and went to her room. I opened the door and saw she had fallen asleep with her head on her knees, leaning against the headboard. I could tell she had just stopped crying. I climbed across to her, and rubbed her arm to wake her up. She had told me that sometimes when Nate did this she jerked away in fright, but she had yet to do so to me. She lifted her head and looked at me. I needed to see her smile; I needed to feel her laughter, I needed to feel her. I knew tonight was the night. After a conversation like this we needed to feel each other on a deeper level.

"I guess this means I can throw away all those condoms I bought awhile ago huh?" She just smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I was so glad I had only given her back her shirt; it made everything easier.


	20. New Recruits

The next day I was kind of skittish around Jamie I didn't know where to sit, or what to do. It had been a long time since I had had sex with a man, and I wasn't sure what to do. Finally Jamie just looked at me, "Come here." He had me lay down with my head on his lap like I had done so many times before, and he started playing with my hair. We sat and just watched TV for the rest of the day, and ordered a pizza. Life was back to normal.

The next week went great. My grandfather had stopped asking me to cut an engine, and we weren't working as much at the station. I was at the training station today because I was told I had two pick two more probies to train in who would rotate shifts with a few of my people. I knew the potential dangers of this because we needed those experienced firefighters to help train the probies.

I looked at them running the course. I mostly looked at the men, because females had a lower fitness test. The females on my team were not allowed that; they had to be as good as the men. It was harsh, but we traveled to other states as relief teams for other firefighters. We were some of the best in the country, and I didn't want one of my people getting killed because someone couldn't carry their oxygen tank as long as the others could. The training officer came over to where I was leaning on the fence, "There's a few that might make your team." The fitness test for my team was higher than the normal one.

"Who?"

He pointed to them as he named them off. They were the three in front, and all of them were burly males. I pointed to the guy in the back helping another recruit walk. It looked like they had sprained their ankle, "Whose that guy?" Then I pointed to the female right behind the three guys, "Whose she?" I only needed two, and I did not want the cockiest two of the group.

Nate, Jack, and Amy walked over. Jack was the firefighter directly under Nate and Amy was the only other female on our crew. There were more females in the house, but none of them were as good as she was. I looked at them and Amy spoke up, "The usual test?" I nodded and she got ready.

The training officer whistled for them to come over, "Captain Reynolds here is looking for two new recruits. You will be under her watch today and tomorrow. You will do anything and everything she says. Failure to comply will result in a lower firehouse." We all knew that meant they would be stationed in the least busy of all the bureaus.

He nodded for me to take over, "All right. I'm Captain Reynolds, this is Liutenant James, Sergeant Rivera and Technician Adams." They responded with the appropriate greeting to senior officers. "My rules are simple. We will run you through multiple series of tests. If you beat all four of us, you are guaranteed a spot on my crew. If you beat one person, you are allowed back tomorrow to compete against your fellow recruits for spots. Those of you who beat two of us will get to compete first tomorrow. If there are any spots left, those of you who only beat one person will get a chance to compete. One of us will be out of every exercise to observe you all. You cheat, or try to screw with another person, and we will know." I let them process this, and smiled when I saw a few police officers stroll over.

They liked to watch because all four of us were the most fit in our entire bureau. No one on my crew was aloud to be even slightly obese, or they were transferred out or given the option to get back into shape. Like I said, I was harsh, but there was a reason I had only lost one firefighter since 9/11. "In the off chance that there are more than two of you who pass, you will compete against each other, or prove to me that you can be of use to my crew. Keep in mind that we travel frequently and are often gone for months at a time with wildfires." I started walking around to get a better look at the trainees. "But you will be safe on my crew. I cannot promise you much, but I can promise we all do our best to make sure every single person makes it out alive. We do have a higher rate of hospital visits than most crews, but our firefighters get less burns." I knew what everyone worried about was the scars. "If you do not want to be on my crew, you leave now." I had to hide my smile. Every new class heard of the things my crew did, and how great we were. No one even batted an eye.

"There are a few things you have to deal with at my station that you may not have to deal with at others." I could tell everyone was curios. I looked back at my current crew, and they had to hide their laughs. They had heard this all before. "Spouses are aloud to sleep at my house. As long as you don't disturb anyone else, you can have sex on duty." I knew the dangers of having a horny firefighter thinking about his wife instead of the current job, "There are separate sleeping quarters and bathrooms for men and women. This does not mean that we don't share. Our plumbing backs up regularly and my crew would rather spend the money on safer gear than regular plumbing." I could see a few women gulp.

"You will be expected to learn how to cook, and do others laundry when there is the time." Not that there was much time for that lately. "You double check the tanks are full after every run." If an oxygen tank was low, and a fire took a turn for the worse, it could be deadly. Everyone nodded; they thought this was common sense. I continued, "There are a few alcoholics in my station. You will not make any crude jokes about it, nor will you judge them for it." I knew I wasn't the only one who had seen a person's skin melt of off them. At one point or another, alcohol was the only way these people could deal with it until they became fully sober. "You may not even find out who these people are, but you keep your comments to yourself." I wouldn't tell them I was an alcoholic until they were given the option to join my crew.

Nate decided to pipe in this time, "You ever have a drop of alcohol on the job, or come to work drunk-"

Jack interrupted him, "Or too hung over to work-"

Nate continued, "You will be transferred and/or fired on the spot."

I nodded and looked at the male recruits, "If any of you have a problem working with females you do not even try to join my crew. I guarantee you that Sergeant Rivera will outsmart you every time you try to mess with her." She just smiled at this, "She will be my first choice over you any day."

The female recruits smiled, "Ladies, do not think that just because I defended Sergeant Rivera here gives you any advantage over the men. You will be expected to be their equals, if not their betters, in every thing you do. Because we are thought of as weaker, we will be expected to do better." The girls all nodded.

"And one last thing before we start," The training officer just laughed, "My grandfather is the fire commissioner, and my battalion chief has been my superior officer since I joined almost 13 years ago so don't even think about going over my head with any issues you have. If you have a problem with me, you come to me, got it?"

They all chanted as one, "Yes ma'am Captain Reynolds."

"Any Questions?"

It was one of the three guys who were in front who spoke up, "Why don't you just talk to our training officer and see who the best is and decide from that? It will be obvious." He smirked.

I walked over to him, and stood as close to him as I could get, "Because I don't look at the obvious. I look to see whose the best. I look to see who can outsmart the others. I look for those who work well with my team. I look for those who don't over estimate their worth." I turned around to face everyone else, "Did everybody hear this?" the chanted their assent, "Then lets run some laps." I could tell the three men who were in front would cause some trouble.


	21. Mosquitos

It was the last test for them all. More people had lasted to the second day than I thought would. We were racing on the track again, and they were all exhausted. Nate walked around and told some people to leave; that they had done their best but we wouldn't need them. I was at the head of the pack, and people were trying to beat me. I was the fastest runner on our crew so if they could beat me, we knew they were good. But so far everybody was at least fifty feet behind me. I had finally learned the three guys names who were at the head that first day. Roman was the only one close enough to finish with any consideration in this test. I could hear him trying to gain some ground on me, but I just kept running faster. I sped up a little more, and listened to him fall behind again. I looked across the track from me and saw the slowest female. I couldn't remember her name but I admired her for trying to get into my crew. It was obvious she would barely make the department's fitness test, let alone come close to mine.

She started to slow down out of fatigue. She ran like that for a few minutes and then sped up again. Someone was gaining another lap on her, and she didn't want to be that far behind. I slowed down so I could watch them. It was the third guy from that first day; the biggest of the three. He caught up to her and stuck his leg out to trip her. I knew with how close she was to the turf this would not be good. "Hey!" I ran over.

Everyone stopped except Roman and the guy who tripped her. She skidded and rolled onto her back. I stopped in front of her, and leaned over her, "Where are you hurt?"

I could see she was trying to hold back tears. "My ankle." She didn't even notice the skid marks on her arms and legs.

I knelt down next to her and felt her ankle. She whimpered at the contact as the other female leaned next to her, "Don't let the guys see you cry." They both looked me in the eye and I nodded. In any other circumstance I would contradict her, but not here, not when they expected her to cry.

Nate nudged me and pointed to Roman and the other guy. They were running equal to each other now and ignored us. "GET OVER HERE NOW!" I yelled at them. I was furious. Not only did they ignore a fallen team member, but they were the cause of this.

They ran over, "What's wrong?" I told Nate to bring this girl to the hospital, that it was a bad break, and looked back to the two.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" I knew they had planned this. They wanted to get ahead of everybody no matter the cost. "You purposefully tripped her!"

They both shook their heads, "I wasn't even near her," Roman said.

"I didn't see anything," said the other one.

I looked at both of them, "Leave now. I will not put up with this. Not only did you purposefully harm another team member for your advantage, but you completely ignored a hurt team member." They both shook their heads, "Because of this, your buddy can leave too." I pointed to all three of them, "Get out; now."

The training officer came over, "What's going on?"

I explained the situation to him, "Do you have any proof?"

I was shocked. Even though this was just a training exercise it was shocking that they would go to this degree to win. "I don't need it. They are not going to be on my crew."

He shook his head, "That's not true. The only reason you're still allowed to select people like this is because you produce results and make everybody else for the other crews." He lowered his voice, "The department would get sued if you weren't so clear on your rules. This will be very bad for everyone." We looked at the three guys, "Pick one of them. They are the best of this year's selection for you."

I rubbed my temples, "How bad would it be if I didn't pick any one of them?"

"The commissioner told me that if you didn't play by your rules this year that you'd have to drop one engine and it's crew."

I whistled, "Damn he's got some big cahones trying to pull a stunt like that." I thought it over and went and talked to the members of my team that were present. I explained the situation to them.

"You have to pick one of them. Besides, Roman looks like the least harmful of the three. He might actually have had nothing to do with this."

I shook my head, "He's too dense. He can't think fast enough for our crew."

"So make sure he's always with someone, or always by the truck. In a few months you can transfer him out and take the other person from here that you really want." I had told them I wanted the fastest girl, and the guy that had helped the person with the injured ankle on the first day.

I nodded, "Fine." I really hated the politics of this job.

"Roman, you can stay. No one saw you do anything except follow orders. The other two of you can leave." I told everyone else who wouldn't make the crew to leave. We were left with Roman, and the two people I wanted on my crew. I told the three of them that they would be competing for the spots on my crew. I picked the hardest obstacle on site and told them to go for it. The first person to stop was out of the crew. Because they hadn't had a break between the last test and this one, this wouldn't take long. This was a sucky way to make them compete because I knew the girl would be the one to drop first.

It took about 45 minutes, and I was right. The girl stopped and then the guy dropped not one second after she fell. They were evenly matched, he just had longer strides so he could go further than she could.

Roman ran a few more feet than stopped, "So did I make it?"

"Yeah." I shook my head and left. I knew this would come back to bite me in the ass.


	22. Mistakes

It was a few weeks before the arrogant probie made his first mistake. I was inside an abandoned building that was up in flames. "Boss, what's it like?" Nate said. With a fire this bad it was imperative to stay in contact as much as possible. I looked around for Roman. The four of us at the training center had agreed that he would only be partnered with us; we couldn't put the rest of the team at risk. I tried to have him with me as much as possible to keep an eye on him.

"It's bad. We need to do one more sweep, and then we'll come out." Probie was lagging further and further behind. I yelled at him, "Get up here!"

I ducked as the fire flared up. I coughed as smoke got in my mask. The fire flared up again, and I could hear the building creak. My radio fizzled in and out. "Boss…status…..location….-ger." I coughed some more and backed towards the window. I knew that if I needed to get out fast, that was the safest way. Outside my team could get the ladder over to me. I assumed probie was following me, but he was in the opposite direction; the worst place to be in a fire. I motioned for him to come over here, but he couldn't see me. I skirted my way over to him, stopping whenever I heard the floor creak. It would give away any second.

I reached him, and he was bent over coughing. Jesus Christ, he was going to get both of us killed. I hooked his arm around my shoulder and led him towards the window; except there wasn't a window there. It was a poster of a window. Shit; how were we going to get out of here now?

I started coughing more and more. We shouldn't be coughing this much; our oxygen supply prevented that. I cursed again and looked at our tanks. Mine was bordering on empty, and the probie's was almost as bad as mine.

"Chief, I need your location now. Where are you?" Thankfully the radio was clearer now.

"We're up against the far wall; the fire's gotten worse. We can't scan the building any more. We need to get out. Our oxygen's almost gone." Immediately I heard the appropriate codes go over the radio. It meant firemen in danger, get them out now.

"How close to a window are you?"

I coughed some more, "I'm not sure." I could barely talk there was so much smoke, "Find our heat signatures." If we were as close to them as I thought we were they would be able to tell the difference between our heat signatures, and the heat of the fire on the infrared.

I waited a few minutes and turned us towards the wall. I hoped that we could use the oxygen that would naturally seep through separations in the walls. We were laying flat on the floor, nearly on top of each other.

"Boss I got you! You're close to it!"

"Which direction?"

"South. To your left. Get up and go, the fire's moving towards you."

Great; I really wish he hadn't told me that. I pulled us up and moved towards the window. I stayed to the side of it, and broke it open. The flames reared up for a second, but then died down a little. I could see Angela on the ladder, and I moved probie towards her. He climbed up on the ladder, and started moving down. I looked back at the fire and saw it getting closer. I knew we were supposed to have someone on the ladder to help us across, but there wouldn't be enough time between getting probie all the way out of the way, and then climbing up safely. I propped myself up on the windowsill and jumped. I started to fall down the ladder, but I caught myself. My arm wrenched and I cried out in pain. I didn't want to move it in fear of it being broken.

John rushed up the ladder to help me disentangle myself, "come on. The fire's coming out the window's now."

He tried to steer clear of my arm, but it was impossible. You couldn't climb down this ladder one handed. He had to help me the entire way down. At the bottom I was sweating more from pain then from the heat of the fire. Nate started to come over but I motioned for him to take over command. I couldn't do anything more. I was still coughing, and I was sure my arm was at least dislocated.

John pulled his arm from around my shoulders when I sat down on the ambulance. Immediately they took off my helmet and put the oxygen mask to my face. With my good arm I held that up while they worked my coat off of me. About five minutes later it was finally off. They started feeling the extent of the damage.

An hour later the fire was almost out. Another crew had arrived with more support. Nate let them take over and walked towards me. "How bad is it?"

The paramedic answered, "It looks fine. She shouldn't be out more than a week or so. It was just a bad sprain."

I pulled the mask away from my face, "Who the hell didn't fill the oxygen tanks?" I seethed.

Nate put the mask back on my face. "You know who."

"Fuck. We would've been out of there sooner if it wasn't for that." I shook my head and tried to calm down. "Where is he?"

Nate stopped me from getting up, "At the other ambulance. I told him not to talk to you until we got back to the station." That was a wise choice. It wouldn't be good to rip him a new one in front of reporters, or the public.

I asked the paramedic when I could leave. He said now as long as I took it easy tonight and would go to the hospital if I felt any signs of oxygen deprivation. He also gave me a sling for my arm. I headed back to the truck, and didn't even look at probie. He knew he was in for it.

The moment we got back into the station I said, "Everyone beside's Roman upstairs." I turned to look at Roman as they all walked up the stairs, "And everyone fill up their own oxygen tank tonight!"

Angela walked over and grabbed my tank, "I got it boss." She pulled it over to the refilling station, and they all got to work. Thankfully there were enough recharging stations that they could just leave them and come back later to unplug them.

Roman looked up at me, "I'm sorry-"

I cut him off, "Stop. I don't give a crap if you're sorry." I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. "Not only did you almost get yourself killed, you almost got me killed. I have given you multiple chances here."

"But you never wanted me here."

"That doesn't matter," I shook my head, "I didn't originally want Jack here, but he's proved me wrong more times than I can count. You earn a spot on my team, and you fight to keep it."

He nodded, "What do I do?"

I sighed, "One more mistake and you're out of here." He nodded, "From now on you will only be paired with me, or you will stay by the truck. Any funny business and you're out."

He hung his head again, "Yes boss."

I could see he was still ashy from the fire, "Now go shower. Don't come in for your next shift, you'll need the rest."

He nodded and proceeded to fill up his oxygen tank. As I walked up the stairs I could see him checking every tank in the garage to make sure it was 100% full.

I walked up the stairs to the rest of the crew, "I'm heading home. I'll be in the next few days for paperwork, but other than that only call me in if there's an emergency."

Angela walked over to me, "Go home boss. We've got it here. Don't come in for the next few days."

I looked at my watch and saw the date. Shit, it was September 11.


	23. Introductions

I got in my car and drove home. I looked at the clock, and saw it was almost seven in the morning. We had all been at the fire longer than our scheduled shift, simply because we wouldn't leave until the job was done. Then add the complications and my shoulder injury, and that means we can be at a fire over half a day than needed.

Every September 11 I would pull Jewls out of school. We would visit ground zero, and her parents graves. Then we would visit the rest of my crew's graves. Julia could ask me any questions about that day, my old crew, or her parents.

I pulled into the garage of my building and sat for a second. I wondered if Jewls would make me wear my uniform today. It was always up to her, and sometimes she made me wear it simply because she liked seeing me in uniform. That always made it harder for me because people would stop me and thank me for my service that day. Or they would ask if I had lost any friends that day. The worst ones were the little kids that stopped and saluted me. Little did they know I didn't deserve any of it.

At the end of the day, I would bring Julia to a meeting with me. I quit cold turkey eleven years ago today, but it didn't mean I haven't wanted a drop since.

The first few years were the worst. Nate and Sarah would come with us and bring their family. I knew the only reason they came with was to see if I wanted a drink. When Julia turned six, Sarah realized I would never voluntarily drink again. I was in the hospital that 9/11 because my shoulder was cracked. It was the same one that always had problems. I was supposed to stay in the hospital that day, with pain meds getting pumped into me through an IV. Nate had said that if I refused pain meds, they would strap me down. But on that 9/11 I signed myself out of the hospital, and picked Julia up like we always did. I nearly collapsed in pain multiple times that day, but Jewls never noticed. She held my hand the entire time, and asked me every question she could think of. I let her stay in the hospital that night with me, and she was afraid when they put the needle back in my arm.

By this time I had taken the elevator up to my apartment. Julia was just walking out the door. She looked up and gave me a half smile, "I thought you'd forgot." She wrapped her arms around me.

I hissed in pain, "Never honey, never."

She backed up and looked at my shoulder, "What happened?" She looked at me in fear.

It was always worse for her when I got hurt around this time of year. "Nothing babe. My arm got caught in the ladder. I was stuck inside the building, and had to jump onto the ladder, but I slipped. I'm fine though." I looked her up and down. She had gotten so tall, and looked more like her father every day. I told her so, and she smiled.

"Ready to go?"

I nodded, "Yup. Just let me grab a bite to eat quick."

She pointed to the countertop, "I already made you a sandwich. You can eat it on the way."

I chuckled, "Particularly anxious today?"

She nodded, "Yeah. It's just I have a few more questions this year than usual."

"You can always ask me hun. You don't have to wait until today to ask your questions."

"I know. But it's just easier to ask questions today cause we're both prepared for it, ya know?" I nodded, "Plus it seems that as I grow older, the questions get harder to answer for you. So I try to think of easier ways to phrase them."

I laughed, "You just mean make sure I can't wiggle my way out of your questions."

She chuckled, "Yeah." We got to the car, "Are you going to teach me how to drive or will gramps?"

I snorted, "There's a reason people drive gramps everywhere. I'll teach you."

"So are you saying gramps is a bad driver?"

I laughed, "Everyone is saying my grandfather is a bad driver."

We sat in silence as I finished my sandwich. Jewls turned to me, "When is Uncle Sam coming back from Africa?"

I sighed, "I'm not sure sweetie. He's one of the best social workers I know, and with his psych degree, he's helping a lot of people over there right now. But he knows you need him back here, so he'll be back soon." I hoped within the month. Jewls was getting bounced around from my place to Nate's to my grandfather's more often than I liked.

"Mhmm." She thought it over for a few more minutes, "Can I go visit him?"

I shook my head, "I'm not even sure which part of Africa he's in hun. He's not allowed to tell us." He was teaching people how to effectively run a statewide fire department. Even though he quit the department years ago, he would still travel doing training seminars. In certain cases he would also teach people about our social services system for children.

She nodded, "Where should we go first?" I brought her to the memorial towers.

We parked the car and got out. We walked over to the fountain and sat at a bench. We just stared into the water for awhile. "I dated your father before your mother did." It was time I told her the whole story, "It was before my last foster home. I've told you generally what happened to me there, and I will tell you exactly what happened by the end of today, but not right now." I paused and she nodded, "I dated him when I was seventeen. We were each other's first love, and first kiss. His mother let me stay at his place when she realized how horrible my foster home was." I smiled at the memory. "But she was a single mother. His father died when he was little, and his pension wasn't enough."

"What kind of pension?"

I laughed, "Fire-Fighter. He was the reason I joined the department, not my grandfather. Jason was originally going to join, but your mother talked him out of it. She said it was too dangerous. And when she got pregnant with you, he agreed."

"I already know my mom was pregnant with me when they got married."

I sighed, "I never knew if they got married just because she was pregnant. I do know that your father loved your mother though."

She waited a few seconds, "You two never broke up before you left his house did you?"

I shook my head, "No. We promised each other that when I turned eighteen, we would move in together." I had had this conversation with Jamie the other night.

She asked the same question that he did, "Were you saving yourselves for each other?"

"In a way we were. We never talked about it, but we knew that we didn't want to sleep with anybody else. I knew we wouldn't wait until marriage though. I think he was just waiting until I turned 18. He was six months older than me." She waited for me to continue, "It was when I was moved upstate that he started seeing your mother. We were friends before I left too." I shook my head, "They never told me when they started dating, but I was in that foster home, and the hospital after for about eight months. They came to see me about seven months after I left his house. They were engaged."

I could see her doing the math in her head, "That doesn't add up though. I'd be older than I am if I was born around that time."

"Smart girl. She said she had a miscarriage, but he swore she had an abortion." I shrugged my shoulders, "Either way, their marriage was falling apart. But he wanted to make it work, so he gave her a second chance. Then about a year into their freshman year of college, they got pregnant again. He told her that if she had an abortion again he would leave her."

She nodded, "Did she want me?"

I turned to look at her, and hugged her. "Yes. Once she saw you, you were the world to her. She just had to grow up a little."

"Mhmm."

I rubbed her back, "Honey, your mother wasn't healthy. She had some psychological problems that she wouldn't get help for. It didn't mean she didn't love you though."

She looked up at me, "He left you, didn't he?"

I grimaced, "Yes."

"Have you forgiven him for it?"

"I think so. I'd like to hope I have. It's one of the things I worked on when I was getting sober."

"Did I make you get sober?"

I laughed, "You make it sound like getting sober was a bad thing!"

"Sometimes I think, that for you, it might have been. You aren't happy. Well you weren't happy. Even your sponsor knows you were happier when you were drunk. Or on drugs."

I showed her the track marks on my arms, "Getting sober was one of the best things I could do for me, and for you. Besides, I was known to be mean when I was drunk."

She laughed, "Were you drunk that day?"

I sighed, "No. I wasn't drunk on 9/11. But I was hung-over. There is the possibility that I was high too."

She nodded, "Did you go in the buildings?"

I could still see them in flames, "Not at first. My chief knew I was hung-over. He made me wait by the truck, and help people leave the buildings. It wasn't until they were up about twenty flights that I went in. I got as many people out as I could, but then we heard the foundation shake. I got out of the building, and dove under the truck."

She grabbed my arm and held me close. I knew she needed to hear this. A few people had stopped to listen. I could see Jamie walking up. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, "Hey. You ok?"

I nodded and he sat next to me, "Jewls, I hope you never have to hear the sound of steel crumbling like that. Out of all the fires I have been in since, that is the worst sound." I sighed, "They had just reached your dad's floor when the towers collapsed. They put him on the radio. He said that I was a pussy, and unless I got my ass up there to help him, I was no longer invited to your birthday party in a few months."

She laughed, "Really?"

I nodded, "I think he knew what was going to happen. He wanted me to have something happy to tell you when you got old enough." I hugged her again, and Jamie grabbed my hand. "Your parents were good people Jewls. That's all you need to know. Forget about anything else. Just remember they were good people who did their best to love you with all they had."

"Even if my father left you?" She was trying to imagine what her life would be like if I was her biological mom.

"Even if he left me. I'm happy now Jewls. I have you, and to make it even better, I have Jamie now too." I looked at him, and he smiled. The people who watched us had dispersed by now.

She pulled me up, "Come on. Let's go say hello to my parents." She pulled Jamie's hand too, "Can I introduce you to my parents?"

He nodded, "I'd like that. A lot actually."

**A/N: So this is way past September 11. I wanted to post this to honor those who died that day, and those who continue to serve in the armed forces, police officers, fire fighters, and the many doctors, nurses, and paramedics that helped that day, and continue to help so many people. Thank you for doing what most of us could not do. You will always be remembered.**


	24. Names

**A/N: Wohoo! Thirty chapters! YAYYY! Aren't you excited that I updated so soon? Does that earn me another review or five? Please? It's ok if you don't, I just really like them, and they make me want to write more. But I think I finally figured out how I want this to end, so I actually know where I'm going with this story now! Anyway, enjoy!**

We walked towards the wall of names. I let Jewls lead the way because she could point out exactly where their names were. I always stopped and read the names along the way, and we didn't have time for that today. She took us the long way, and I paused at every name I knew. When I got to the firefighters names, I stopped. I looked up to see where Jewls and Jamie were, and they had almost gotten to the other side before they noticed I stopped. I ran my hand over every name. It seemed like I could name them by heart, and I probably could. When I got to my original crew's names, I sighed.

Jamie came over and wrapped his arm around my waste, "You ok?"

"My name should be there with them." I curled into him. I needed his comfort.

"No; it shouldn't."

Jewls came up and grabbed my hand, "I'm glad it's not." She squeezed my hand, "You've told me about the foster care system. I would not survive in there. You know as well as I do that my grandparents would not have been able to take me, and still won't be able to."

When I got to Joe's name I stopped. "We never found his body. I was his only family, and I couldn't even stay sober for him."

Jewls never knew what to say when I talked about Joe. But I was surprised when Jamie spoke up, "He sounds like a good man. He would not have wanted for you to change for him."

I nodded, "He told me that I had to get sober for me before I got sober for him."

Jamie nodded, "That's right."

I laughed, "You're so smart for someone who has never been around an alcoholic."

He laughed, "My brother comes close enough."

Jewls laughed at this, "I doubt it. From what Nikki says he's just fine."

His head whipped around to look at her, "What?!"

"Um…I forgot to tell you that Nikki and I are friends…."

"Okay? I guess?"

I shrugged at him, "Don't ask me. I told her she got to tell you that."

He shook his head, "Any other secrets I should know about?"

Jewls and I laughed, "I don't think so."

"Good."

I rubbed my arm. I had taken the sling off after we got out of the car. It was more hinder some than helpful. Jewls looked at it, but didn't say anything. I sighed; I knew we would have to have a conversation about it before the day ended. I stopped and saluted the names, and then we went to Julia's parents. Thankfully we had found most of their bodies so they at least had a headstone too.

"Hi mom, hi dad."

I pulled Jamie back a step. "Shh." He nodded.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited in awhile. I've been learning more about you lately." She pulled her arms around her chest, "I'm not so sure I like it. I love Mom, but I don't know how you could do that to her. What did she do to you in the first place?"

I wanted to help her, but I knew she needed to process this on her own.

"Mom, I've even talked to all of your old friends." Oh, I hadn't known she had done that, "They all say bad things about you after I ask them the truth. Most of them were surprised that you weren't a junkie with the way you acted a few times."

I had not known that either. Jamie looked at me. I just shook my head. I would explain all this to him later.

"Dad, you tried. Everyone says you loved my mom more than my real mom." I had not known that either, "I think she's forgiven you. I'm glad, but I wish she was my real mom." I smiled at that, "I wish I could know what my life would be like if you were still alive. In a way, I'm glad I don't though. I love Mom, and Sam, and even sometimes Katie; even if she is really immature most of the time." I laughed at that. "I like who I am now. I will never understand why you had to die, but I can deal with it now."

I whispered to Jamie, "There used to be nights where she would wake up in tears. I would hold her until she fell asleep again."

He nodded and kissed my cheek, "I wish you two had never had to go through this."

I nodded back. I wish no one had had to go through this.

Jewls continued, "I will always miss you. I want you to know that I am fine here, and to not worry about me. I will see you eventually, but hopefully not too soon. Have fun in heaven until I get there mom and dad. Tell Uncle Joe that Mom misses him."

I smiled at the last part. I think she knew I was listening, but I wasn't sure. She was amazing in every way.

She came back over to us, and I put my arm around her shoulder, "Ready to go?"

She nodded, "I don't need to go to the graves this year. This was enough."

I nodded, "We can always go there a different day if you would like."

"Mhhm. But right now I'm hungry."

Jamie shook his head, "You are two of the weirdest girls I have ever met."

Jewls laughed, "Get used to it."

I could hear him whisper, "I plan on it."

We got into the car. "Jewls, about my shoulder-"

"Don't even ask. I know what you're gonna say."

"I know. I ask it every year, but I have ot make sure that you're ok with me beign a firefighter."

She nodded, "Mom, I know. If I ever want you to stop, or to totally quit the department, I just have to let you know."

I looked over to Jamie, "I have this running deal with Jewls. I can stay in the department, but every year I ask her if she wants me to quit."

"I had her do it one time, just to see if she really would quit it for me. It was two weeks later that I realized she needed the job. I couldn't make her quit."

"But if she ever wants me to, I will." I looked at Jamie, "Julia is the only person I would quit the department for."

He nodded, "I would expect that."

Well, at least we had gotten that conversation over with. "Would you quit for anybody?" Not that I wanted him to, but it was nice to see where we stood.

"I don't think I could. It would be different if I ever wanted a child, but I don't want one now."

I cringed when I heard him say, "now." I hoped that wouldn't lead to problems later on.


	25. Sammy's back!

It was a few days before I saw Jamie again. Our schedules had gotten so messed up that we ended up on opposite shifts. We were at a fire when I saw him next. I was yelling for more hoses, or else this fire would get out of control.

He tapped my on the shoulder, "Anything I can do to help Captain?"

I turned and laughed, "No, not now. How long have you been here?"

"An hour or so." He looked around. "The pedestrians keep trying to get closer. It makes things difficult for crowd control."

I heard Jack come over the radio, "Almost cleared boss. We need to get out soon though."

"Right. Everyone who does not need to be inside the building, get out. We need to get everyone out or else we'll just have to let the building burn down." I hated it when we had to do that, it meant we couldn't do our jobs.

"Why would you have to do that?"

I looked back at Jamie, "The water's low in this area. There's been too many fires lately, and not enough water to fill the supply. We either have to get this fire controlled now, or let it burn down."

He nodded, "What should we do?"

I looked back at the crowd, "Get them further back. We may have to pop all the windows so the glass doesn't explode."

He nodded and ran off. Thankfully we left the fire an hour or so later, but Jamie had left by then. We all piled back into the truck, and went back to the station. I was working a triple today and went to get some sleep. Everyone else either decided to sleep or watch TV. A few of the wives were here cooking, and I waved my hello. They waved back and mentioned that they would save me some food. I waved my thanks, and crawled into my bed. I hadn't slept in the last 20 hours, and I could tell that I wouldn't be getting much sleep in the next few days. I swear it was twenty minutes later when the alarm for another fire went off. "Fuck!" I rolled out of bed, and went to get ready.

Angela came up to me, "Get any sleep?" I shook my had, "Same here. Are you on a triple too?"

I nodded, "How many of us?"

"I think the whole crew. The next shift has the stomach flu or something."

"Great." When we were all in the truck I signaled for us to leave.

We went to another house fire. This one was small, but we still had to clear the whole building. That took us maybe two hours, but right as we got back into the station, we were called out to another fire. This one was in an eight-story apartment building. That took a few hours, and thankfully we all got out safe.

At this point we had all been up for almost 40 with barely any sleep. I looked at the time and realized Jewls would be getting out of school soon when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Emily, I'm back from Africa."

"Sam!" I yawned, "When did you get back?"

"Just now. I'm in Boston. The plane will be arriving in New York in a few hours."

"Shit. I'm on a triple now." I was too tired to deal with this.

"I can just take a cab when I get back, it'll be fine."

I sighed, "Sam, I always pick you up from the airport, or I send one of the guys. I'll find someone to pick you up."

He let me know what time he was getting in, "Ok. I'll send Jamie. He should be off by that time tonight."

"Whose Jamie?"

Shit I was waiting to tell him that. "Um….Well…fuck." I leaned against the wall. "I've been seeing someone."

"How serious? And I'm gone for seven months, and you immediately start dating someone, or what?"

"Sam, I'm sorry. I should've told you. But to be fair, I did tell you about him a little bit. He's Nikki's uncle."

"No you didn't. You just said you were spending some time with…" He faded out, "Oh shit."

"Exactly smart ass. I told you a little bit, I just didn't want to tell you the whole story until I actually saw your face."

He laughed, "Fine, I deserve that. I promise I will never leave for this long again."

"Good. Will Darren be with you?"

"Yeah we got on the same flight."

I nodded and then remembered I was talking on the phone, "Okay." I really needed some sleep.

"I'll tell him what time you'll be there." What I wouldn't tell him was that Darren was Sam's husband.

I hung up with Sam and called Jamie.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Hey, what's up? Want to get dinner after your shift?"

I laughed, he was always trying to spend more time with me, "I'm actually still on the triple. I was wondering if you would do me a favor."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I need you to pick Jewls up from school today."

"Sure. I can pick Nikki up to. Should I bring them to your place or mine?"

"Either. But then I need you to do something else for me."

"Sure."

"I need you to pick my brother up at the airport tonight at almost midnight."

He laughed, "Yeah. I'll drop the girls off at my dad's then just come sleep at the station for a few hours."

I smiled, "I'd like that." We hung up, and I walked up to the bunk room. Had we really been dating for six months? I wondered when Jamie would ask me to one of his family dinners.


	26. Right?

**Whoa, two chapters in one day?! Who won the lottery?**

**Jamie POV**

I picked the girls up and dropped them off at my dad's. They would spend the night there, and then either I or Emily would grab Jewls tomorrow. I drove to the fire station to get a few hours of sleep with Emily before I went to pick up Sam. Angela pointed to the bunk room, and I walked right in.

I walked back to Emily's corner. I leaned down and rubbed her arm, "Hey," I whispered.

She opened her eyes and gave me a small smile, "Hey. When did you get here?"

"Just now."

She sat up, "Have you eaten yet? I could see if there's some leftover food?"

I took off my shoes, "Honestly all I want to do right now is climb into bed with you and sleep. I'm exhausted."

"Oh thank god. I was willing to do it if you were hungry, but I just want to sleep, and curl into you."

I smiled, "Well then move over."

She chuckled and did as I asked. I rolled to the back of the cot and laid down. She laid down, and I pulled her close to me, "How come you always sleep with your back to the wall here?"

"It's a habit left over from when I was little. I'd face the door so I could hear when my dad, or Sam and Katie, were coming. Now it's just so I'm out of the door one second faster if someone needs me." She paused and I could tell there was more, "There was a time when sleeping in a fire house was not safe for women. Go in any fire house, and the women's beds will most likely be in the corner." She yawned, "I'm sure there were even a few women who were raped as a power struggle. Not me, not then." I reminded him of my past, "By that time I was tough enough that no one messed with me in that way."

I nodded, "Then hat did they do?"

She chuckled, "I've had frigid water thrown on my face a few times when it was 30 below. I've come back from a run and my bed was on a different level. One time I rolled over into a pile of warm piss. Nate and I were probies in the same house. They were picking on him because he's always stick up for me. We shut them in the captain's office. But before that we had filled it with rats. One guy had his shoe eaten off before they could get out."

Once we finished laughing she continued, "I was working a different shift one day when they tried to tackle me when I slept. I put a guy in the hospital because of that. No one dared to mess with me after that."

"Is that why the beds in the middle are all guys?"

She nodded, "Usually those beds are reserved for probies in bigger fire houses. In smaller houses there's enough for to have all the beds against the wall with the end in the middle, but not here. There's a rule in this fire house that women are not allowed the middle beds; so far no one has tried to fight me on it."

"How can you have that a rule? Wouldn't someone fight you on it?"

I could feel her laughter, "Angie did when she first started. I was a Lieutenant then. I told her to go ahead and take it. Two weeks later she wanted the bed against the wall."

I laughed, "What did they do to her?"

"Not much. Every time they tried to do something, she'd do something back. For her it was more of the fact that you hear every single person walking by and it's hard to get sleep."

"So it's like when a cop sits in the back booth of a restaurant, facing the entrance?"

She nodded.

"Mhm. Ok." I put my arm around her stomach and went to sleep.

It wasn't much longer later when I heard the alarms going off to single a truck.  
>Alarm *Blare* Fire *Blare* Truck *Blare* and then it repeated. Emily was out of the bed before the first word of the alarm was finished.<p>

She turned to look at me, "Go back to sleep," she put her pants on. Why she slept with her pants off was a mystery to me, "No one will bother you while you're in my bed."

I had gotten used to the meanings of the different alarms here. "Be careful. Remember there are people here who need you. Let your team do their job, you don't always need to go inside the fire."

That stopped her. She looked at me and kissed my forehead, "I'll be careful. I promise." She kissed me on the lips, and ran out the door.

I noticed she didn't promise to stay out of the building.

**Emily POV**

The truck pulled up to the fire. I looked around and saw we weren't the first truck there. I walked over to the other chief, "Got any building plans for me?" He nodded and handed them over.

"Fire seems to be centered on the south side of the building. Security said there's a hidden staircase in the back."

I nodded my thanks. WE both knew his team would fight the fire from the outside while we would locate the people, "How many inside?"

"Three; locations unknown."

"Shit. Thanks." I walked back over to my team and relayed the information.

Nate spoke up, "Where would you like us?"

"Probie stay with Rivera. Nate and Jack check the third floor. Johnson and Smith the fourth. Then start over until the eighth floor. Rivera check the second. The first should be good, but Johnson and Smith can check that on their way out. Try to keep the fire from spreading if at all possible."

"Got it boss. We'll let you know if we need you in there."

I winced. I had purposefully not promised Jamie that I'd stay away from the building, but it didn't mean I had to like it. "Try to handle it on your own. I'll only come in if you all can't fit into one of the rooms." Sometimes a beam collapsed across a doorway, and people were too big to get through the gap. I was skinny enough that I could get through, even though my muscles were still bigger than Jack's.

They nodded. We heard a window blow out from the pressure and covered our heads. Nate looked at me, "You okay boss? You normally love going inside."

"Yeah, I just have a feeling that we need to be careful on this one."

He nodded, "By the book; got it." They all put their helmets on and ran inside.

Every five minutes or so I could hear one of them clear a floor on the radio; eventually all but the eighth floor was cleared. Roman came over the radio, "Boss, we've got a problem here. The roof caved in on the hallway, right outside where two of the people are. There's a hole to get through though."

I sighed, "Let me guess, all of you won't fit Probie?"

"Yeah. We're really sorry boss."

Was he actually apologizing for his size? God damn he really must be trying to stay no the team. "I'm coming up. Nate get out here and take over." In situations like this you always needed someone in charge out side of the fire. I preferred to go into a fire with Nate, but one of us had to be in charge. And Angie would be there; she was just as good as Nate. Everything would be fine, right?


	27. Through the Looking Glass

I walked into the building. I could hear the roar of the fire all around me. The radio squawked in my ear, "Boss, where are you?" It was the probie.

"I'm on my way. I'm only the second floor. You're on the eighth?"

"Yeah. Hurry up."

This probie was seriously missing a few screws if he thought he could order me around. "Shut up probie."

I walked the last few flights of stairs, and Angie opened the stairwell door for me, "We're not even sure if you'll fit."

I walked over to the small hole in the wood. "Can we make it bigger?"

She shook her head, "Every time we try the building shifts a little. We have to make his quick as it is."

I leaned down and peered through the hole. I could see a body about five feet from the hole. I seriously hoped it wasn't one of the kids that were supposed to still be alive. "I think I can make it. I don't know if my gear will fit through at the same time. I'll go first, then you can ease it over to me." I knew it was a bad idea, but it was the only thing I could think of. We had to get out of the building now.

Angie helped me out of my gear, and held it for me. "Be careful Boss."

I nodded and started my crawl. I had to do an army crawl to even get through. I was about halfway through when I heard the building shake. Well I felt it more than heard it. "Angie!"

"Boss! You okay in there?"

I tried to move and was glad the walls had fallen even further on top of me. "Yeah." I had to yell to be heard. It seemed the area behind me had closed off. "I can still get through. Is it safe?"

"It's your only option. You won't be able to fit back this way. I'm not even sure I'll fit your oxygen tank in."

"Shit." I started moving, and pulled myself out. I looked around and saw the fire hadn't reached this room yet, but I knew it was in the rooms next to us. I pulled myself up and was glad that I hadn't gotten any scrapes. My jacket usually protected against that, but there were sometimes when it couldn't.

"Boss, you need your tank!"

I leaned back down, "Ease it through. I'm going to crawl in a little to pull it through."

I heard the radio crackle some more. Today would not be the best day to have it fail. Thankfully it stopped. "Ok, just be careful."

I squeezed through once more and stopped about half way through. "We're just starting to push it through boss."

"Ok. I'm about as far as I can go. Push it in more. I can't make my arms that much or else I won't be able to move."

I heard some of the wood shifting and saw my tank come into view, "Can you grab it yet?"

I reached out just a little bit, "A little further." They pushed it in some more, "Got it, stop pushing." I slowly started inching backwards. Every few inches I would grab the oxygen tank and pull it closer. I got all the way out and stood up. I noticed that the valve had opened a little, and that I had lost most of the oxygen. I would need to get out fast. "Get the ladder over to the nearest window. I'll have to make a hole in the wall."

"Got it." I could hear Nate on the radio telling people what to do.

I looked back at the room and saw the two children. I checked the body for a pulse before moving to them. One of the children was unconscious, and the other was just scared. They were in the back corner. "Hi honey, what's your name?"

She whimpered and moved further into the corner.

I took my helmet off, "It's ok. I need you to tell me your name." I knelt next to her, "Is this your brother?"

"Yeah. Is he ok?"

I felt for a pulse. "Yeah, he'll be fine. He's just sleeping right now." They both couldn't be more than 6 or 7. "I'm going to put my mask on your brother's face to help him breathe. Then we'll put it on your face. Is that ok?"

"Yeah."

I held my mask against the boy's face, "Can you hold this here?" She did and I opened my jacket. If I was going to give them the air I had left I needed to cover my face with. I could rip off part of my shirt to at least stop the smoke from getting in my lungs.

I heard the floor creak some but knew I couldn't move the children until the ladder was up against the window. Looking around I saw it was on the opposite side of the room. "Boss the ladder's halfway there. Start moving over."

I looked down at the girl, "I have to move you honey. I'll carry your brother but you have to crawl next to me okay?" She nodded and I picked her brother up. I crawled on my knees, keeping as close to the floor as possible. It took us a few minutes, but we eventually made it to the window. I sat the boy down for a second, "I'm going to have to break open the window. When I do, the fire will come our way for a second. I'm going to block you two from the most of it, but I need you to hold your breath for a second, okay?

She nodded. "Mmkay."

"Nate, we're by the window. Can I break it yet?"

"Do it now. The ladder's two feet away."

I broke the window and felt the heat come towards us. I covered the kids the best I could, but even I knew I would be a little singed after this. After it went back to where it was I looked up. I could see Roman on the ladder. I smiled at him, "Nice job Probie." He smiled back and reached out for a kid. I handed him the boy first, and he handed him to Angie who was behind Probie. Then I handed the girl across, "Be careful sweetie."

Roman looked back to me, "Where's your oxygen tank?"

Shit. We never left that in a fire because if that exploded, it would add pressure to the fire, and could probably cause other things to explode. I looked around the room and saw the girl had dropped it by where we were. "I'll be right back. Have the ladder clear for me to come down." He nodded and started heading down. I readjusted the cloth over my face, and crawled across the room.

The floor creaked at the same time the radio did, "Grab it and go boss. We need to put water into that room now."

"I know Nate. I got it. Heading back to the window now." I stood up so I could get a better look at the room. I double-checked to make sure no other people were here. Right as I started to walk back to the window, I fell through the floor.


	28. Airports and Phone Calls

**Jamie POV**

After Emily left I couldn't get back to sleep. I drove back to my place and changed. I cleaned a little, and rearranged some of Emily's things. We mostly spent the nights at her place, but about once a week we would stay here. I emptied out the fridge, and started some laundry. I paid some bills, and I still had time to kill before I had to go pick up Emily's brother. I was going to make Emily go to a family dinner with me for this, and she knew it too. Eventually I just gave up. I could sit at the airport and read a book.

Traffic was light at ten at night so it didn't take me long to get there. I parked easily, and found Sam's terminal easily. Hopefully talking to Sam would be just as easy. Sam's flight seemed to be on time, so I set my alarm for ten minutes before he would arrive. I bought a coffee, and sat to read my book.

My alarm went off ten minutes early as planned. I found a blank paper near me, and wrote "Sam" on it. Hopefully it would get him to smile, and maybe even like me. People started walking out, and a lot of them were looking around for other people. I kept my eyes moving, looking for someone who looks like Emily. I saw him before he could see me. He was about the same height as me, maybe an inch or two taller. He had short brown hair, almost the same color as Emily's. He looked at a man next to him and smiled. I briefly looked at the man, but didn't pay him a second though until I saw him grab hands with Sam. Did Emily forget to tell me something?

I held my sign up further, "Sam!" Well this would explain the photos of Sam and another man. I had just assumed they were family friends because there were a few pictures of him and Emily too.

Sam walked over, "Hey, you must be Jamie."

I nodded, "Yup. Got any bags?"

He shook his head, "Nope. They're getting brought to the apartment tomorrow. This is Darren. He's my husband."

I shook Darren's hand, "Hi, how are you?"

"Good. Tired, but I bet you are too considering you're sleeping with Emily."

He laughed and I just blushed. Sam looked at me, "Don't pay him any attention. He gets really protective of Emily when she's not around."

"You're worse than me. At least she told me she was sleeping with him. She hadn't even told you yet."

This was news to me, "She didn't tell you we were together?"

Sam looked at me, "Oh, that's not a bad thing. She wanted to tell me to my face. That's a good thing. It means you mean enough to her that she's taking you seriously."

We started walking towards the car. This was all still a bit much for me. Darren let Sam walk ahead and stayed by me, "I'm going to take a wild guess and assume Emily didn't tell you Sam was gay."

I shook my head, "I don't care either way, but I would have, I dunno…..like to known."

He chuckled, "I would've liked to know they all live together and that Emily had a kid. They're not really forthcoming with information. It doesn't help their grandfather's the same. He's a pain in the ass. Have you met him yet?"

I shook my head, "But apparently he and my father get on each other's nerves a lot."

"Your father's the commissioner right?" I nodded, "I thought so. There's only so many Reagan's in the police force."

"Should I be worried that I haven't met him yet?"

He laughed, "Dear god no. She's trying to spare you from him. He can be a mean son of a bitch when he wants to. He's overprotective of her, especially considering everything the three of them went through. Can I at least assume she's told you that?"

"Yeah, she made sure to tell me that before we went any further with our relationship."

He nodded, "Good. The only other thing I can think of to tell you before we catch up with Sam is that they're all crazy. They'd do anything for each other, even Katie. She may hate Emily right now, but she'd still do anything for her."

I laughed, "I kind of already figured that out."

We were a few steps away from Sam when he spoke again, "Oh and one last thing. She'll never quit the department for anyone besides Julia. Trust me, we've tried."

I nodded and Sam opened the trunk of my car. The car ride was silent. All of us were too tired to speak.

We got to the apartment, and I helped them bring their carry-on's up. I stood their awkwardly for a few seconds wondering if I should just go sleep in Emily's bed, or if I should leave when Darren spoke up, "Just go ahead. She'll think we kicked you out if you're not here when she gets back. We're too tired to do anything but sleep so you won't have to worry about that."

I blushed, I hadn't even thought of that. "Ok. Do you want me to send Emily in to your room when she gets here?" Apparently what I thought was just a door that led to the next apartment but was locked was the door to their half of the apartment. I peeked in quick and saw that they had an office, a master bedroom, their own bathroom, and a small reading area. Exactly how much money did they all have that they could afford this?

I went to sleep not long after that. About an hour after I fell asleep though my phone rang. "Hello?" My voice was scratchy from sleep.

"Jamie? It's Nick. You need to get Jewls and go to St. Barts hospital."

I flew up at that, "What happened? Is Emily okay?!"

"We don't know. She fell through the floor at a fire. We're still in the process of getting her out of the building. I can't talk anymore. I'll ride with her in the ambulance. But go get Julia. Keep her calm."

"Okay, I got it. Go, I'll get Julia."

I hung up and couldn't think for a moment. Emily fell through a floor. Emily fell through a floor, shit! I got out of bed and started getting dressed. Just as I was about to leave the apartment I remembered Sam and Darren. Would they want me to wake them? Of course they would. They had left the separator door open, so I knocked on their bedroom door.

Darren opened the door, "Yeah?"

I could tell he was still half asleep. In the room I could hear Sam, "What is it? Just come back to bed Dar, everything's okay."

I looked at Darren, "Emily's being taken to the hospital. She fell through the floor. I'm going to go get Jewls and I'll meet you there. She's being taken to St. Barts."

Sam was up and putting his pants on, "I'll go get her, where is she?"

I shook my head, "She's at my dad's spending the night with Nikki. She'll panic if I'm not the one to get her."

Sam started to argue but Darren interrupted him, "Just let him go, he's right. We've been gone for too long, it'll make her think Emily's hurt worse than she is."

Sam nodded and waved for me to go. I grabbed my keys and ran out the door. I've never driven that fast in my life.


	29. Stairs

**Emily POV**

I groaned and opened my eyes. I was sure I hadn't passed out yet. I looked up at the ceiling, or well the floor that I was just standing on. I saw a very large splinter of wood dangling by a thread. I rolled over as fast as I could the moment it started to come down. My whole body groaned in pain at the movement, but it was either that or go home with wood in my abdomen.

I started coughing as my throat started to close up. Ever since my last foster home my throat would close up at the most inopportune moments. I looked around the room without trying to move. The fire was in the far corner of the room, but I knew at any moment it would start crawling towards me.

**Jamie POV**

I reached my dad's faster than I ever have before. I threw the car in park, and was out the door even before I had the lights off. Thankfully I had brought the right set of keys with me so I could unlock the front door. It was maybe five a.m; If I was lucky, my dad would be up.

I went straight to the kitchen, and I was right; dad was up. Pops was too. They both looked at me, "What's wrong son?"

I looked in between them, "Where's Julia?"

"In Nikki's room." I started to head up but Pops stopped me again, "What's wrong Jamie?"

"Emily's hurt. They're bringing her to the hospital. They don't know how bad." They both paled. I ran up the stairs to Nikki's room. I opened the door and tried not to disturb Nikki. I knelt next to Julia and shook her awake. She rolled over, and her eyes grew wide.

"How bad?"

"I don't know. I'm sure she's fine. Nick called me right before they pulled her out of the building."

She shot up and grabbed her clothes, "If she's not walking it's bad."

I looked at her. She was immediately prepared for this while I was panicking. "We can get your stuff later, let's go."

We ran down the stairs. We stopped and looked at Dad and Pops. Pops was really pale, and I couldn't figure out why. Dad just looked anxious, but I could understand that considering he's known Emily since she was little. I shook my head. I didn't have time to figure this out now. I need to get Jewls to the hospital now.

Dad seemed to sense that I didn't know what to say, "Go. Call me later and I can drop Julia's things off wherever she would like."

I nodded and we rushed out the door. I wish I had my sirens on our way because traffic was just starting.

**Emily POV**

I groaned in pain again. I had shitty luck lately. For some reason I still had my helmet on, yet my oxygen tank was nowhere to be found. I could barely hear my radio, but what I did hear was complete panic.

"Nate."

"Probie what the hell happened, get back up on that ladder and find her."

"Probie do not listen to him. That whole floor is compromised now."

"Emily is that you?"

Seriously how stupid were these guys, "No, it's my ghost. Yes it's me Nate. Who else would it be?" I didn't wait for him to answer, "That floor is officially off limits. It's pieces are still dropping onto the floor I'm on. You need to come to the seventh floor and help me out."

"Where are you hurt?"

I started coughing more. This talking was not good for my throat, "My throat's closing up."

"Shit. Angela and Probie get your ass up there now."

"No. Probie's still outside. Angie and Jack can come up." I started coughing more. I rolled over a little more so that if I coughed up any blood it would not get caught in my throat.

I waited for a few minutes and then I heard people coming into the room. I sat up a little and saw that it was Angie. "Over here." My voice was incredibly hoarse by now. Angie leaned down and helped me up. Her and Nate put my arms around their shoulders and lifted me up. I groaned again, "Careful."

She put her oxygen mask over my face but I shook it away as I kept coughing. They helped me stand up straighter as we walked, hoping I could get more air to my lungs. "Just take it slow Boss, you're doing fine."

"Oh shut up Jack. I know damn well that if we don't get out of this building now, we're screwed."

Angie laughed, "Can you speed up at all? We kind of do need to rush."

I started walking a little faster and we finally reached the stairs. I took a deep breath, "No matter what, keep going got it? If you need to, lift me up to get us down faster." The more stairs we took the faster we got. By the third floor I could almost walk on my own.

We were on the last flight of stairs and I could barely breathe. I started coughing again and they stopped. I couldn't move I was coughing so bad. Angie and Jack hoisted me up further, and rushed me down the stairs. The moment we got outside I leaned on the step railings. My coughing stopped a little with the fresh air, so I leaned over to catch my breath.

I hissed in pain and clutched my side. Nate rushed over, "Are you okay?" He helped me take my jacket off and swore when it was all the way off. He yelled for the paramedics to get over here.

I moved my arm from my side and looked down. I stood up and swore when I felt blood run down my side. The paramedics put an oxygen mask to my face and helped me to the ambulance. I laid down on the bed as Nate jumped in. I gave him a questioning look, normally one of us had to stay at the scene to be in charge.

"Don't question it. You and I both know it's been awhile since you've actually drawn blood at a fire. Plus your throat hasn't swelled up in years, so why now? I'm coming with."

I nodded and looked back to the paramedic, "No pain meds. I'm allergic." That was only partially true, but either way I would refuse medical attention if they tried to drug me.


	30. Waiting Rooms

I closed my eyes until we got to the hospital. I hissed in pain as they lowered the bed out of the ambulance. I coughed again, and the paramedics pulled the oxygen mask away. They rolled me inside the building.

"Mom!" I heard Julia.

"Stop." They kept rolling me, "I need to see my daughter." I looked at the paramedics. They knew that this would be the only chance she would see me for a few hours. They also knew what it was like waiting to hear of any news about someone you loved.

"Fine. She can be in the room for two minutes."

They waved her over as they rolled me into the room. "Mom," she whimpered.

I hissed in pain, "I'm fine baby." I coughed again and moved the oxygen mask myself, "I'll be okay."

"But you couldn't walk."

I rolled a little to look at her and closed my eyes at the pain, "I'm fine. I'm talking aren't I?"

She nodded. "What happened?"

"The floor collapsed. I'll be fine. Now go wait outside, I'll see you in a few hours."

"Ok." She kissed my cheek and left the room.

I turned back to the doctors, "I'm an addict, and I've been clean for a decade. Use minimal amounts of pain medication, I can take it."

"We need to give you some."

"Not that much. I can handle pain better than others. I won't scream; you'll be fine."

"What drugs?"

"I never took drugs often enough to become addicted. I mostly used alcohol with recreational consumption of meth and oxy."

The doctor nodded, "Ok. We're going to use an IV." She rolled up my sleeve and saw my faded track marks. "Will we even be able to find a vein here? I'm not going to give you oxy; I'll give you something else."

I glared at her, "Like I said, it's been over a decade. You'll be able to find a vein, or else I will."

She stuck the needle in, and set the IV bag up. Within minutes I could feel the effects of the drugs. I became drowsy, and the pain was muted. "How much did you put in there?"

They kept working on me, "Enough."

I closed my eyes. I think they put enough in there to make me fall asleep. Shit. This much made me puke. Thankfully I fell asleep before I could.

**Jamie POV**

Julia came out of Emily's room and sat next to me. We were on a couch in the waiting room. I pulled her to me and kissed the top of her head, "She'll be okay sweetie."

I could feel her nod her head, "I know. But she's not going to take pain meds, and they'll have to force her. Then they'll give her the wrong kind."

"What do you mean Hun?"

"She's allergic to most of the types of pain meds that she didn't abuse. The others make her sick. Basically it's a bad idea for her to take pain meds anyways."

"Should we tell the doctors?"

It was then that Nick walked over, "Nope. She needs to learn to tell them right away. She probably is trying, but being really evasive about it. Eventually the doctors get sick of her talking so they put her to sleep anyway, and that's if she doesn't pass out from the pain."

I nodded, "So there's nothing we can do."

He nodded, "There's nothing we can do." He took out his phone and I could hear him talking to the fire station. He hung up after a few minutes, "Everyone's going to go see their families and then come here. I'll go see if they have a better waiting room."

I had Jewls lay her head on my lap to see if she could get some more sleep. About twenty minutes later Emily's crew came in. They all rushed in. "Where is she?"

Nick stood up, "Quiet." He pointed to Julia, she had fallen asleep. "She's fine. They're working on her now. Besides Julia going in for a few minutes before they started working on her, we haven't had any word. My guess is they have to stitch her side up. Then they'll bring a throat doctor in to look at her throat."

They all nodded. A nurse walked in and told us she had a better waiting room for us. I picked Julia up, and she led us up two flights of stairs, and to the opposite side of the building. "When they bring Ms. Reynolds back from X-Rays, she'll be a few doors down from here."

I looked over at her, "If anyone comes in asking for her, can you send them up here?"

She nodded, "I can do that. Now relax, you may not get word for a while yet." She left and we settled in to wait.


	31. Laughter and Guns

**Jamie POV**

I eventually fell asleep with my head against the wall. I woke up later when the nurse came in again. "She's asleep, but they're done working on her. The doctor stitched her side up, and cleared her throat out. The only thing he think caused her throat to close up was the excessive smoke, and that maybe her helmet pushed on her throat when she fell. Two people at a time can go into her room. She'll be waking up soon."

Before she left Nate spoke up, "You'll need to give her a sea-sickness patch. She gets sick from most pain meds. Or else she'll throw up and rip her stitches."

The nurse nodded and left the room. Jewls got up, "Whose going in first?"

Everyone looked at her. Angela answered first, "We don't need to go in sweetie. You go ahead in. We'll see her in the morning. We can all crash here. I called your gramps awhile ago, he's on his way over. Go on in."

Sam and Damon were in the back corner. Sam got up to go with her but Damon held him down, "We'll stay here. Take Jamie with you. You'll be fine."

She looked back at me and grabbed my hand. For a fifteen year old, it amazed me how young she was sometimes. I led her to Emily's room.

**Emily POV**

I slowly came to awareness. I opened my eyes and looked around. Jewls was asleep in the chair next to my bed, and Jamie was looking at me. He smiled at me, "Hey, how are you?"

I tried to sit up and groaned at the effort, "Fine. I'm sore, but I'm fine." They still had an oxygen system running into my nose a little bit. I felt my side, "How many stitches did they have to use?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm not sure, I didn't ask. The nurse said we could come in and that she'd give you the details later. Everyone's waiting in the waiting room now. Do you want me to go get them?"

I shook my head, "Not yet." I was good like this. "Just give me a minute."

He nodded and sat back down. He grabbed my hand and slowly ran circles on it with his thumb. "Is this normal?"

I laughed and winced as it jerked my stitches, "Falling through a floor?" I shook my head, "Not usually. We just seem to be having more problems lately. And because I'm the stubborn ass that I am, I insist on going into the building. At least we haven't been called out of state to a fire lately."

"Why would you be called out of state?"

"We occasionally get requests to help out forest fires, or wild fires. We're one of the best teams in the country. Most of us prefer to do that, we just work for the city in between the fires."

He looked at Julia, "And you?"

"Ever since I adopted her, I've tried to stay home more. I try not to go out into the fires, just run them from the home base. It can help a lot when you have someone who has a map of the area who is looking for specific points to stop a fire. Thankfully we haven't got called out since a few months before we started dating."

"Is it usual to go six or seven months without getting called out?"

I nodded and yawned, "Yeah. We try to only go to fires that have been raging for at least a few weeks. That way we have a better chance of actually stopping the fire because it'll have run out of ammunition at that point."

"That seems harsh."

"Yeah. But that's also the point where the locals are calling out for help. The longest we've ever had to wait to get called in was a month. When we helped stop the California fire a few years ago, people started to learn that it was best if we got there early enough." I yawned again.

"Go back to sleep. I'll wake you up when everyone wants to see you."

I nodded and fell back to sleep.

A few hours later I jerked awake when I heard yelling. I gasped and held my side in pain, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

I took a second to catch my breath, "Hi gramps. Good to see you too."

"YOU WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED OT BE IN THE BUILDING IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

Julia creeped out of the room. She knew that when gramps was trying to chew me out that it could get ugly. "I know that, but I had to go in." I slowly sat up.

He threw something on my bed as I pulled the oxygen off my face. I picked it up and saw it was an advanced copy of tomorrow's newspaper. How he got these I would never know. The headline was "NYFD Capabilities Falling?" I skimmed the article.

_The granddaughter of the fire commissioner was injured in an accident at a scene late last night. While attempting to save two children she fell through the floor. The children survived, but the integrity of the department did not._

I skimmed the next few paragraphs and stopped when it mentioned Jamie.

_It has been confirmed that this Captain has been dating one of the sons of the Police Commissioner, who is a street officer. It is also known that the two Commissioners are not on the best of terms. Is our city safe if the people who are supposed to protect us cannot even cooperate?_

He started pacing the room, "You know what the press is like, why would you consider doing this?"

I stood up and raised my voice, "Saving the lives of two children? Locating my oxygen tank so it doesn't make a bad situation worse? Or risking my life in the first place so I wouldn't have to add another person to the crew?!"

"Those are different issues entirely. Let's talk about the fact that you're dating the youngest son of the police commissioner, and you didn't tell me?! What were you thinking?"

I walked over to him, "I am 32. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. I was going to invite you to dinner this Saturday to introduce him to you, but I guess this got in the way."

He calmed down a little at that, "How long have Sam and Damon been back?"

"I don't know, a few hours? Jamie picked them up for me."

He harrumphed, "Did you consider how many problems dating the Police Commissioner's son would cause me?"

"Yes I did, which is why I'm dating him, and not you. I don't think the city could handle a gay fire commissioner." I tried not to smile as I heard Jamie stifle a laugh.

He turned around to face me and calmed down a little when he saw me holding my side, "How bad are you hurt?"

"Not bad. A piece of the floor must have gotten stuck in my side or something. My throat tried to close up."

He came over and helped me sit back down on the bed, "When do the docs say you can get back to work?"

"I haven't asked. I'm going to stick to paperwork for the next few weeks though. I have enough to catch up on."

He nodded, "I'll have to hold a press conference."

I looked at him and smiled, "Let me do it. I promise to be civil. But having an injured fire fighter on local television defending herself will benefit the department and make that paper look ridiculous."

He smiled, "You are conniving."

I laughed and hissed when my side moved, "Guess who I learned it from?"

He laughed and shook his head. He turned to Jamie, "So how long have you been dating my granddaughter?"

I smiled and leaned my head back against the bed. I had protected him from my grandfather for as long as I could, now it was up to him. Besides, Jamie had his gun on him if anything went wrong.


	32. Everything's Okay Now

**A/N: Hey everybody! Sorry for the rbeak between the update, I'm really busy with finals and the Holidays. Anyway, have a Happy Holidays! I'll be out of the country for all of January, so I most likely won't be posting. I'll try to get at least one more chapter up before I go though.**

**Emily POV**

I leaned my head back against my pillow. They could have this conversation without me. I kept half an ear on them though.

Jamie coughed, "Almost six months sir."

I tried not to chuckle at Jamie calling my grandfather 'sir.' This would be good.

"Only my department calls me sir. You call me Mr. Reynolds for now."

I opened my eyes, "Be nice. He can call you by your first name." He grunted in response and I closed my eyes again.

"I need to know some more information about you, before you call me 'Walt.'"

"All right, what would you like to know?"

I yawned and my stomach growled, "Before you to do this, tell one of the nurses to bring me some food. I haven't eaten in almost 24 hours."

I could hear gramps walking out. When he came back in he sat on the opposite side of the bed as Jamie. "Let's start with how old you are."

He chuckled, "I'm 28, almost 29."

"Don't worry gramps, I know the age difference. I freaked out about it for awhile and then I realized I wasn't that much older than him."

Gramps moved his chair closer to my bed, "That's not what I'm worried about. How many years have you been on the force?"

"Almost four."

"Were you on the force when your brother died?"

I opened my eyes at that one, "Hey now. That's too far. He doesn't have to tell you that."

Jamie grabbed my hand, but remained looking at gramps, "It's fine. I was not. I joined after he died."

Gramps nodded, "Is that why you joined the department?"

Jamie squeezed my hand before I could interrupt, "Partially. It also made me realize that being a lawyer was not the best way to help people. I use my experiences from law school a lot, but I can do more in the department than I would as a lawyer."

Gramps nodded. He paused for a few minutes; I could tell he was debating on asking the next question he had in mind. He looked me in the eye when he asked, "Were you here on 9/11?"

I jerked up at that and hissed in pain. I closed my eyes as Jamie leaned me back against the bed. "Breathe, just breathe."

I nodded and gripped my hand against my side. Jesus Christ it hurt. After a few minutes I opened my eyes again. I glared at my grandfather, "That's too far. He will not answer that. He knows where I was, I know where he was. You can either ask nicer questions or leave."

I looked at Jamie. He kissed my hand and whispered in my ear, "I'm fine with answering his questions."

I nodded, "I know you are. He can still be nice though. We can go through these questions later."

Gramps looked at me, "Fine. Just get some sleep Emily, we can talk later. I assume you're coming to my house after you're discharged?"

"Not right away. Maybe." I yawned and fell asleep.

I knew they would continue to talk, but I had made my point.

A few hours later I woke up. I looked around and saw Jamie sleeping in the chair next to my bed, and Jewls sleeping on the couch. I tried not to laugh and wake them up. I inched myself up and looked around the room. Nate was sleeping on a cot, and Angie was leaning against the doorframe.

"We wondered how long you'd sleep. It's about time you woke up."

"How long did I sleep?"

"Eighteen hours. We figured you had gotten maybe three hours of sleep in the last fifty-odd hours. Mix that with the pain meds, and we figured you sleep a full day."

I grimaced, "Did Julia go to school?"

Angie nodded, "On the condition that she could sleep here. Sam and Damon went back to the house a few hours ago once they realized we all wouldn't leave."

"Have you seen Kristi? You should go home."

She smiled, "My wife can deal without me for a while. I called her and told her what happened." She laughed, "She basically said that if I didn't stay here until you woke up that she might leave me. Sometimes I'm sure Kristi loves you more than me."

I laughed, and hissed when my side moved. Angie came over to me but I motioned for her to stop, "I'm fine. And don't worry about Kristi, she talks about you all the time at meetings."

Kristi, Angie, and I had gotten drunk together occasionally. We had also done some harder stuff, and unfortunately Kristi and I were the only ones who had never gotten addicted to it.

Angie smiled, "Good." She looked at the clock and then back to me, "But now that you're awake, I'm leaving you to the wolves. I don't want to be here when the commissioner chews you out."

I smiled, "He tried. He and Jamie talked and then I fell asleep."

"I'd be worried about what they talked about if I were you."

I shook my head, "I'm sure it's the same conversation I had with Frank. 'Don't hurt her, or I'll hurt you. I'm sure you're a fine boy, but you're not good enough for her. She's been hurt too many times to count, don't add to it-.' "

Jamie interrupted me, "You hurt my granddaughter and any time any police needs fire assistance, and they might take a minute or two longer than needed, the usual things."

I smiled, "Oh is that the usual talk you get?"

He leaned in and kissed my cheek, "Every time."

Angie laughed, "Like I said, I'm leaving. Bye."

I waved at her, and turned my attention back to Jamie, "How are you?"

He gave me a confused look, "I'm fine. Why?"

"Well I know that must have been a horrible phone call for you. And then having to go get Julia must have been worse. Then facing my brothers? Adding all that and you must be exhausted."

He shook his head, "Meeting your brothers was fine. Damon was funny, and very observant."

I smirked, "No mention of the phone call?"

His eyes drooped. "That was scary. Andrew reassured me fast, but it was still scary."

I raised my hand to his face, "I'm sorry hun."

"Hun? Are you using pet names now?"

I wrinkled my nose, "I don't like pain meds. They make my brain slower."

He smirked, "I gathered that. Andrew said you usually got nauseous from them?"

"Yup. I'm allergic to some too. It makes everything interesting when I come to the hospital."

He sat back down, "Would you like to come to a family dinner next Sunday? I'll go to your grandfathers when they release you."

That sobered me up, "I would like that."

He smiled, "Bring Jewls?"

I nodded. "That would be great."

My grandfather walked in at that point, "Who said he was welcome to our dinner?"

"Oh shut up old man. You know every time I get out of the hospital we have a giant dinner at your house, and anyone is invited. It just so happens that this time instead of bringing the crew, I'll be bringing a date."

My grandfather smiled at Jamie, "We have to get her on pain meds more often. She's more honest this way."

They both laughed as the doctor walked in. At least they were getting along.


	33. Quitting

Later that day they let me go home. Gramps was driving his SUV. I was surprised he was allowed to drive himself, but I suppose he made a fuss for me. I was in the front, and Jamie and Jewls were in the back. "We'll spend the night at your place, but I'm going back to the apartment tomorrow." Jamie snickered. I turned to look at him, but hissed when my stitched protested. Everyone looked at me, "I'm fine." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the seat. I hadn't taken the last dosage of pain meds, and the ones from before were making me nauseous.

"Well I was going to say that you're just like my dad. Anytime anyone of us gets hurt, he wants us to spend the night at his place."

Gramps laughed, "Your old man may be a pain in my ass half the time, but he's right. Even when Emily was in the army, I made her stay at my place on her leaves."

"How many years were you in the army?"

Before gramps could give me crap for not telling Jamie that, I interrupted him, "I've told him I was in the army. I don't think I ever told him how long though, so hush up." He just snickered. "I was in for almost three years. You know I was in Nate's squad. He got promoted to our squadron leader."

"How long was that before you were kidnapped?" It was Jewls who spoke up this time.

I sighed. "Not that long before. Probably no more than two months." I clenched my right hand, remembering what they did to my arm and shoulder. I sat up a little, "It still gets to Nate sometimes. There was nothing he could have done; we were ambushed. I wasn't even supposed to be there; women aren't allowed in combat. We were just traveling to a different city to help clean up an abandoned girls school. We got out of the convoy because the road was blocked from a bombing few days before, and it was a trap."

Jewls always got excited when I talked about my time in the army. She loved hearing the stories, no matter how bad they were. "How many were captured?"

I shook my head, "You're such a pessimist."

"Guess who I got it from Mom?"

I chuckled, "Hush up if you want me to finish the story." From how long we had been in the car, I could tell Gramps was taking the long way so I would finish my story. "Sarah and I were cornered. This was right around the time when she and Nate moved in together."

Jewls interrupted me, "So you sacrificed yourself to save her?"

I laughed, "I tried. Sarah knew immediately what I would try to do. She took her gun out, and just started shooting everything that moved. Little did we know, the building behind us was not abandoned. They snuck up behind us."

I could picture the whole scene.

_Sarah was shooting everything that moved. "Stay behind me Emily, and watch our six!"_

_I turned around, and jumped when some people came out of the building. "Sarah, we're not alone!"_

"_Shit! Shoot anything that moves! We're too far away from the group."_

_I knew that meant that we may not survive. I just started shooting, hoping to draw attention away from Sarah. She moved a little away from me to get some room to maneuver. I moved a few feet forward to get on more solid ground. The next moment I turned around, and she had somehow made it all the way down the alley, and I had barely moved. Nate ran over to her, "Where's Emily?!"_

_He looked around and saw how far away I was. I turned around, and saw four people right next to me, holding guns. I knew I would not be able to shoot them all. I looked back at Nate and saw him screaming for me to run. He was running towards me, but I knew the people around me would start shooting if he got any closer. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I dropped my gun, and held my hands up. All I could think about was the last time I was tortured. The people around me jerked me back into the building, and fired warning shots at Nate and Sarah. _

_Sarah pulled Nate to cover. She looked up at me right before I was pulled completely inside the building, "We'll find you." She mouthed. _

_I nodded, and closed my eyes. Maybe if I didn't see my captor's faces, they would keep me alive._

Jamie reached over the seat and squeezed my shoulder, "How long until they found you?"

I coughed, "About four days. The were shoving a knife into my shoulder blade right when Nate stormed in." I was screaming in pain right as Nate ran in. "He shot the man who was wielding the knife, and left the others for the rest of the team. He even let Sarah come with. I have to say, I think that is the only time I've ever seen Nate break the rules that bad without a second thought."

Jewls laughed, "How did they get the knife out of your back?"

"Sarah had to pull it out. I'm very glad Sarah had at least some of her med school training done by then."

I opened my eyes and saw gramps looking at me, "Let me guess, Nate was in front of you?"

I nodded, "They hadn't let me sleep at all. I almost passed out from exhaustion and pain, I was delirious. It's the only time I've had to be fireman carried out of a building." I looked at Jamie in the rearview mirror, "That's why Julia got a little freaked out when you told her I couldn't walk out of the building on my own."

He nodded, "I had figured that."

"The knife hurt worse pulling it out than it did going in." I gulped and flexed my arm again. "Nate undid the ropes that held me to the chair beforehand, and gripped my hands. It was about the only thing that kept me from puking."

At some point we had arrived at gramps' house. Jamie came around and helped me out of the car, so I wouldn't pull my stitches out. He helped me into the kitchen. He sat next to me while gramps grabbed me some water. He put a pain pill in front of it, "Take this." He glared at me, "I don't care. You take this one, and when it kicks in you can go sleep. You'll be sore for the next few days."

I shook my head, "No. You know as well as I do that it's not good for me to take those."

He looked me in the eye, "Yeah, and your sponsor has told you that taking medication that is prescribed and monitored is okay. Shut up, and take it."

I paused for a second, "Only half of it."

He sighed. "Fine." He cut it in half, and put the other half back in the bottle.

Jewls came back from her extra bedroom, "Finish the story."

"There's not much left to tell. I couldn't walk because we didn't know how close the knife had gotten to any nerves, and the fact that I was so tired I could barely stand. The day before they had dug their fingers into a different wound on my shoulder, and had tried to grab my muscles." I shivered to get the feeling out of my mind.

It was then that I knew what Jewls wanted me to say. "This was the point when I started abusing drugs. Jamie, you know I started drinking when I turned eighteen, but this was when I started to use drugs. During that time in the military, the medics main goal was to get you so drugged up that you couldn't feel a thing; even for the weeks after in the hospital before you were sent back to the states." I looked back at Jamie and couldn't tell what he was thinking. "When my injuries had healed, I met Angie and Kristi on the streets. We would party together occasionally. Angie got hooked on drugs, but Kristi and I only used them recreationally." I looked over to Julia, "The army figured out Sarah was pregnant, so they gave her an honorable discharge. Nate's time was up, so he left the army too. They helped me through the depression, but stopped when they realized your mom was pregnant. They had helped me, but managed to keep the drugs and drinking away from their kid. They knew your parents wouldn't be able to handle me, so I would be at their house all the time."

Jewls looked up from her glass, "Then how come there are baby pictures of me, where you're holding me?"

I shook my head, "Your parents didn't have enough sense to keep me away from you. I babysat you all the time." I sighed, "I'm ashamed to say that a lot of the time, I was drunk. But slowly, the more and more I watched you, the less times I came drunk. I would wait until after I watched you to get drunk."

She smiled, "So you started to stop drinking before 9/11?"

"No." She frowned, "I don't want you to have any illusions about who I was. I just learned how to hide it better. When 9/11 happened, I was more drunk than hung over that day. I shouldn't have been there in the first place, but I should have also been in the building." I looked back to Jewls, "You were the reason I quit drinking, not that day, that event. I realized that to take care of you, to keep you safe and out of foster care, I had to stop immediately. I got Kristi to stop not long after, and we sent Angie to rehab. She joined the force about eight or nine months after 9/11."

Jamie looked at me, "How much of your team did you recruit?"

"Nate joined to keep an eye on me. Sam was on our team for a while, but went back to school to become a social worker. That's how he met Damon."

He nodded, "Wow. No wonder you all are so close."

"Yup. I didn't recruit Jack, he was already a paramedic, I just got him to come to our team. Then he eventually took the firefighter test, and joined in." I yawned and shook my head. I really hated these pain meds.

"Come on, show me your room. I'll come back tomorrow for dinner."

I smirked, "Are you that afraid of gramps that you won't stay the night?" Thankfully gramps and Jewls had left the room when I started talking about who I recruited. They already knew all that.

"No. I just think that when a girl brings a boy home for the first time, the boy should be dressed nicely and actually have gotten sleep the night before. Besides, you have to decide which weekend you're coming over to Sunday dinner."

I frowned; I had forgotten about that. "Fine. Tell your family that I'll bring dessert."

Jewls walked back in, "Mom, where's my insulin?"

Before I could answer Jamie spoke up, "What? Are you sick?" He looked panicked.

Shit. I rubbed my eyes. I forgot Jewls hadn't told him yet. I looked up at Jamie, "I'm sorry. This was hers to tell. I couldn't tell you. She needed to be the one to tell you."

Jewls walked over to him, "I'm diabetic. I forgot that you didn't know. With you being around so much, I guess I thought you already knew."

I looked back at Jamie and silently pleaded with him. Then I spoke up, "Don't be mad at her. She gets so comfortable with people that she forgets they don't know. She doesn't have to take insulin a lot, just once a day or so, if that. Sometimes she can go a week or two without taking it."

Jamie gave us a half-smile, "Well I guess it's a good thing that you're that comfortable with me." He ruffled her hair, "Right?"

She nodded, "That's how I meant it. I promise that if I had remembered that you didn't know earlier, I would have told you."

"So me asking if there were any other secrets you two had didn't trigger that?"

She shook her head and hugged him, "No. I'm really, really sorry Jamie. I didn't mean it."

He kissed the top of her head, "It's ok squirt. No hard feelings."

I looked at him and kissed him on the cheek, "I'm sorry too. I should have made her tell you."

He smiled, "It's fine, I promise. Now let's get you up to bed before those pain meds take full effect. You being this touchy is a little weird."

I laughed, "You don't like it?"

He winked at me, and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "I only like it in bed, and on the floor, and against the wall."

I blushed. I had never heard him talk like this. I cleared my throat, "Ok, my bedroom is this way," That just made me blush more. I really needed to sleep off these pain meds.

Jamie laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist, keeping clear of my stitches. He opened the door, and walked me to my bed. Jewls had stopped at her room, so he leaned down and kissed me; and this was a full-out kiss, not just a peck on the lips. When we had to breathe he pulled away, "I'm glad you're okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

**Jamie POV**

I pulled away from her, and saw her goofy smile. She really wasn't good at hiding her emotions while taking pain meds. "I'm glad you're okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

What I didn't let her know was how bad that phone call had scared me. Hopefully I could hide that from her. If I couldn't quit the force for her, I couldn't expect her to quit the department for me. I needed to let it go. Her team would keep her safe.


	34. Danny Reagan

**Emily POV**

Jamie came over in the afternoon the next day. Surprisingly, dinner had gone well; everyone had behaved themselves. Jamie had stayed for the rest of the day and just watched TV with us. I fell asleep with my head on his lap.

I decided to go into the station to work on the truck today. I dropped Jewls off at school and told her I'd pick her up later. Hopefully I could get some normalcy in her life for the next few days. After that I stopped at my apartment to get changed. I loved gramps, but I needed to stay in my own apartment. But maybe I would bring up the idea again that we could buy a house together. I doubt he'd go for it, but at least he'd know I was thinking of him. He loved his house too much, and I hated the memories from there. When I had gone home with him from after my foster home, I had slept on the floor in the hallway to Sam and Katie's room again. Every night my grandmother would put a blanket over me, and sometimes she'd even join me in the hallway. I never noticed though, she only told me later. One night gramps had tripped over me when he decided to check on Katie because she was sick, and I had panicked. I had started to attack him, thinking he was my father or my foster father. I still don't really remember this, I just remember being in a blind panic. My grandfather knew what was going on though. I gave him a black eye, but he just grabbed my arms and pulled me close to him and started whispering in my ear, and held me while I struggled. He never resented me for it, or told Sam or Katie. I'm sure he told grams, but she never mentioned it. It was then that I realized I could trust him. But that was also the home where I went a lot of the times when I was drunk or hung over before I joined the army.

By this time I had arrived at the station. I walked around to see who all was here. Thankfully my crew was still all home sleeping; it was the next shift that was here. Between them and the other two crews they would cover our next shift. They had four more days off, and I hoped they enjoyed it. I told everyone I'd be down in the garage, and turned the music on. I grabbed my tools, and set to work.

**Unknown POV**

A few hours after the chief went down to the garage, someone came up and told me someone was waiting for me out front. I grabbed my sandwich and told everyone to calm down, that everything was fine. Whenever people came to visit, everybody got excited. I secretly hoped it was my wife. Maybe she wanted to spend the night here with me again.

I went out front and saw two officers standing there. They weren't wearing their uniforms, but after this many years as a firefighter, you learned who was a cop and who wasn't. "Hey, can I help you? You two do know this is a fire station and not a police house right? Or do you need to get a traffic officer to direct your way?" I laughed at my own joke. They didn't smile though. There was one man, and one woman.

The man spoke up first, "I'm Detective Reagan, and this is Detective Coratolla. Can we talk somewhere private?"

I looked around, "Guys, this is about as private as you're going to get in a fire house. Besides, nobody will come out. Our fire chief's working on one of our trucks now, but she's got the music turned up so high in the garage she won't hear a thing we say. Cappy won't bother us."

Coratolla sighed, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your wife died earlier this morning."

My heart dropped. "What?" They had to be wrong.

Reagan spoke up, "Your wife was murdered at 3 am earlier today. We were wondering if you knew anything."

I shook my head; I could barely think, "I left for work at 2. I had to start early because the last crew worked too much overtime. How was she…?" I just faded away; I couldn't say it.

"Murdered?" Reagan said it, "We don't know. We came to talk to you."

My head shot up at that, "Are you saying I murdered my own wife? I loved her! I would never do that!"

Coratolla held her hand up, "Hold on, that's not what we're saying."

Reagan interrupted her, "Well maybe it is Jack. What does he have to say about it? Can he tell us different?"

I took a step back to calm down. I needed to remember my anger management classes. My wife was so proud of me for taking them.

"Your neighbors say you have an anger management problem. They said you had been fighting with your wife lately."

I shook my head, "You've got it wrong. I was just yelling. I've been taking anger management classes. They say that I'm supposed to yell instead of doing other things. My wife told me I could yell at home. She just put earplugs in whenever I needed to."

Reagan spoke up again, the bastard, "I'm thinking you did a little more than yell."

"What?! What are you saying?"

I was really mad now. The fucker couldn't say that about me, I loved my wife. I would kill whoever hurt her. I would kill her murderer.

As I was thinking this, Reagan spoke up again, and Coratolla threw up her hands, "I'm thinking you came home for a bit, and murdered her. Maybe it was an accident, maybe not."

With that, I punched him. He tried to tackle me, but missed. I yelled up at the window, "Guys! I need some help down here!"

Immediately people came down the fire pole. They didn't even ask who started it, they just joined in on beating the cop. Nobody messed with a fire fighter and got away with it, not even a cop. And after that newspaper article about Cappy, someone needed to pay.

**Emily POV**

I tried to stretch to the back of the engine, but hissed when my stitches got pulled. I leaned back, and held my hand to them. The pressure helped. I looked up at the clock and saw I had only been here for an hour. I looked back into the engine, and took mental note of what parts I needed to order. I looked up again and saw people running outside. I heard police cars pull up, and they didn't turn off their siren. This was not good.

I ran over, and saw a fight. I jumped in, "Hey! Stop!" Someone swung at me, and I ducked, "God dam it! That's an order! All of you stop!" This was not the first fight I'd had to break up at a fire house. Someone swung at me as I was pulling someone back. This time they hit me in the eye. I pulled this guy back, only to have him start in the fight again. I dove in after him, and a Detective lunged at my side. I groaned as he connected with my stitches. After a second I stood up, and swung at him. I connected with his jaw. I swung one more time, and knocked him out. I looked around, and saw this was not going to stop. I ran over to the supply bench and found my whistle. I turned the music off and blew as hard as I could, and immediately all of my firefighters stopped except one. I held my side and blew it again. Thankfully I had trained them well.

They all backed up against the wall, and held their hands up. When the police saw they weren't moving, they stopped too. I stepped in the middle of them. "I don't care who started this, get out. All of you."

None of them moved, and they all looked to the officer who I had knocked out. I looked for Jack, and saw him grabbing medical supplies to stitch people up. "Our paramedic will look at him. Everyone else go, before I call the fire commissioner and the police commissioner." Thankfully these cops were in our district regularly enough that they had heard me use this threat before. They knew I would carry it out too, so they left.

I assume the detective's partner was the one that stayed behind. She had a black eye, and a split lip. "I was trying to break it up. When I saw you were too, I tried to pull him away from you, but it didn't work. Quite frankly, he deserved this. He's been pissy all morning."

I nodded at her, "Why are you here?"

She pointed towards one of the senior fire fighters, "We're here for him."

I looked at him, and saw him crying. "Seriously?" A fight caused him to cry?

He knew exactly what I was thinking, "It's not that." His voice cracked, "My wife was killed this morning."

Dam. I really was an asshole. I sighed, "What time?"

"Three in the morning." He sniffed; they were really in love.

I looked back at the detective, and saw her partner was waking up. "Look, I'm going to have my paramedic take him to the hospital. He fell hard, and needs to be checked for a concussion. The next time you want to talk to one of my men, you contact me first. Neither of you are allowed in this firehouse without me, got it?"

She nodded, "I'll try to keep any of you from getting arrested."

"And I'll try to keep any of my guys from pressing charges. But you keep this hot head away from here."

"Definitely."

She jumped in the ambulance as the other Detective was waking up, "Jack, what are you doing? Go arrest the person who hit me!"

I just laughed. It was a good thing I didn't know the detective's name, or else I would report him. I went upstairs to check our surveillance and see who had started this. I don't care if his wife just died, if he started this, he'd be cleaning the trucks for weeks.


	35. What fight?

I walked up to the dispatch room. We were one of the few stations that had our dispatch room in the same building. I walked over to Amanda. She had been here awhile, and was friends with a few of the firefighters. "Hey, I need to look at the security tapes."

She gave me an odd look, "They're not working."

"What do you mean?"

She gave me another look, "A few of them stopped working about an hour ago. We didn't notice until now. The footage was deleted somehow."

"So you didn't get the fight on footage?"

She gave me another look, "What fight?"

I finally got it. "So the tapes haven't been working for an hour."

"Right. We don't know what happened." She winked at me, glad that I got it. "We actually just called the security company to see what happened. Then our whole system crashed."

Amanda had been a hacker in high school. So she didn't go to jail, she was put in our department to work for the city. "Can you fix it?"

"I'll try. I need the security company to give me permission to fix it though. You know, it's part of my probation and all."

"Yeah, I remember." I gave her a look, "How many people saw the cameras go out?"

"I wasn't the first to point it out. Someone over there saw that they hadn't been recording or something, so I looked into the time it started. That's all I have access to until they give me the password."

"Whoever started the fight has got to be thankful that it didn't record."

"Yeah, I wouldn't know who that was. But quite frankly, they owe the security guys a good cup of coffee."

I chuckled, "Duly noted. I'll make sure they get the word if I find out who it was."

I left to go talk to the firefighter who started this. I went over to the guy who found out his wife died. "Did the cops tell you anything?"

He shook his head, "No, the guy accused me of killing her. I loved her."

I nodded, "Well if it makes you feel better, I knocked him out."

He snorted, "At least one good thing came of this morning."

"Go home. Call your union rep. I'm sure that detective will try to pin this on you. Thankfully the cameras didn't catch any of it."

His head jerked up at that, "Really?"

"Yeah, Amanda told me they stopped working about 45 minutes before the fight broke out. She also said whoever started the fight owes her a cup of coffee for figuring it out."

Thankfully he got what I meant, "I'll pass the word around."

I squeezed his shoulder, "I am sorry for your loss."

"Thanks cappy. I need to take a few days off. I'll let you know when I can come back in."

I nodded, "I'll find someone to cover your shifts for the next two weeks. If you need any more time, just let me know."

I walked up to my office to start paperwork. I needed to find someone else to put on our crew. We were short men lately, and that did not bode well for our safety.

After an hour or two of paperwork my phone started to ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me." I smiled when I heard Jamie's voice.

"How are you?"

"I'm good. I only have a few minutes to talk though. Are you still willing to go to family dinner this Sunday?"

"Yeah, I can even bring dessert. I can make it Thursday and then drop it off Friday so all I have to do is put it in the oven on Sunday."

"Sounds good. What are you planning on making?"

I smiled, "You'll just have to wait and see. What does your family think of you bringing me over?"

He laughed, "Don't worry, they're excited. I haven't brought anyone home in a while."

"No pressure, huh?"

He snickered, "Exactly. I promise they're excited. Pops even said you should bring Jewls if you want. Everyone wants to meet her too."

I sighed, "I don't know if that's a good idea Jamie."

"I know, but Pops said to suggest it. I think it will work, she'd have a great time. Besides, she already knows Nikki and Erin so she'll be fine."

"Fine. I'll ask her. But if she gets uncomfortable at any time, we're leaving."

"That sounds fair." He paused a few seconds, "Well I have to go. Can I come over for dinner one night this week?"

"Yeah, come over tomorrow. Tonight I'm taking Jewls and my grandfather out to dinner."

"Ok, have fun. See you then."

We hung up. I thought about our conversation. Would Julia want to go to a Sunday dinner? What if Jamie and I didn't work out? Would she see any of them again? What was I getting into? I needed to talk with her tonight to see what she thought. Then I could panick.


	36. Cake batter

The rest of the week flew by. Jewls was excited to go to dinner, and was glad that Frank's dad had suggested it. She had met him before, and thought he was a sweetheart. She had told me that I'd love him. Jamie came over for dinner on Wednesday, and today I worked on the truck. I hadn't made much headway in the past few months. I just couldn't figure out why the truck wouldn't run. I had tried everything. I threw the towel in the engine and went over to the bench. I had another hour before I would head over to Frank's and drop the cake off that I made. I hopped up on the counter and leaned my head against the wall. What was I missing? I ran over the repairs I had made in my head since it broke down a year ago. I jumped down and looked back into the engine. Maybe I would have to take it all out again and start over. Who knows.

I ran to grab the cake out of the fridge upstairs, and got on my bike. I hadn't rode this since the first snow. Even though I could sometimes ride this during the winter, I typically saved it for summer. Today was an exception though. I needed to go to the cabin for an hour or two, and this would be the fastest way to get there. It was about a three hour drive, and I wouldn't get back until dinner time.

Frank's house wasn't too far out of the way so I decided to stop by early. Frank said if he wasn't home his dad would be. It didn't take me long to get there. I parked my bike, and pulled it up by the garage. I grabbed the cake out of the side leather pocket, and walked up to the front door. I took a deep breath. It was now or never, right? I rang the doorbell.

I heard someone yell, "Door's open!" I walked inside, and looked around. Frank's house was gorgeous. It was just the right size. I could imagine when his kids were little running around here. I walked into the kitchen and could imagine his wife cooking here before she died. When I looked up, I dropped the cake in surprise. The glass pan shattered, and the cake batter splattered all over the floor. I still hadn't moved. "You."

He had turned around to look at this point, "Emily?"

My hands fell to my side, "You! How is this possible?"

"I thought you had disappeared!" What? Was this man delusional?

"You killed my mother!"

"What? Emily sit down."

I heard a door open somewhere in the house. "I won't. You killed my mother. You told her to leave my father, and he killed her for it."

Frank walked into the room, "What about your mother? Pops knew her?"

I put my hand on the kitchen island. This was unbelievable. I was shaking, "Not too long before my mother died, he came to my house and told her to leave. He practically begged her to. She trusted him, and she died because of it. She told me she was leaving, and that she'd come back for us. But my father killed her on her way out of the door. He had come home early from work that day." I tried to ignore the memory that was coming back. I ran my hand through my hair. "I can't deal with this." I started to leave, and Frank grabbed my arm. I flinched, tried not to hit him, and backed away from him. "Frank it's simple. Your father was the cause of my mother's death. Then he had the audacity to come to her funeral and offer his condolences." I scoffed. I turned around and closed my eyes.

"Let me explain." I could hear him moving toward me. I stiffened, and he stopped.

Frank spoke up, "Emily, let's sit down. Tell me what happened. I can help."

I sighed, "I don't really have time Frank, and more importantly, I don't want to hear this man's excuses."

"His name is Henry. You can at least call him by his name."

I sighed, "Fine. Henry, I do not want to hear your excuses. You convinced an immigrant woman to leave her children, and that caused her death. That's enough explanation for me." With that, I turned around and left. I got on my bike, and sped off. I just needed to get away from here. I thought I had come to term's with my mother's death, but this man had brought all of that to the surface again.

I could feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I wasn't going to answer. I didn't want to pull off of the interstate to answer. I kept going towards my cabin. I knew I'd have to face this before Sunday, but I could at least get a little piece and quiet at the cabin. No one would bother me there.


	37. Simple communication

**A/N: So I apologize for leaving this story this long. I had a few chapters ready that I though I had posted, but apparently I did not. So, I'm posting them all in a short amount of time to make up for it! Enjoy!**

Once I got to the cabin I turned my phone off. I grabbed one of the small off-road carts, and drove around the property. I checked to see if everything was the same, and made a note of what I had to fix. After I had blown off some steam, I checked on the technology inside the house. I was putting off calling Jamie. I'm sure either Frank or Henry had called him and told him what was going on, but he needed to hear the full explanation from me. I made sure all the systems were running smoothly, and then just sat on the couch staring at my phone. Really this place was big enough to be a full house, but we always called it the cabin. My mother had left us this, and thankfully my father had never visited this place. Once I turned 18 and I inherited the rest of my mom's money, apparently her side of the family was rich but that never made sense to me, I made this place into a bunker. It was probably because I still had a heavy dose of paranoia back then, but it had come in handy more times than I could count.

I turned my phone back on, and waited. After five minutes of nothing happening, I looked at it. There were the six calls from Frank that I had felt vibrating on the way up here, and only one voicemail from Jamie. I was surprised. I dialed my voicemail, and listened.

"Hey babe, it's me. My dad just called. I'm sure you don't want to talk about it over the phone, so just let me know when you're back from your cabin and I'll come over. Just send me a quick text to let me know you're okay. Thanks," and that was it. I was surprised that there wasn't more, but I was also surprised by how well he knew me. He knew I had stuff to take care of here, and that I would only want to talk about this face to face. He was okay with that, and even willing to come to my place to let me talk this over. There was no fuss, he was just voicing his concern for me. I smiled. Was it really that simple?

I texted him back, "Heading back now. Julia's probably hanging out with Nate's kids. Can I come over to your place when I get back in the cities? Sam and Daren will be at mine."

I put everything in my bag, and waited for his response before I left. All I got was an, "It's unlocked." I smiled, put my helmet on, and took off.

The drive was calming. I hadn't felt this good in a long time. Hell, I wasn't sure I had felt this good sober ever.

* * *

><p>It seemed like the drive took less time than I expected because I was pulling onto Jamie's street before I knew it. I parked, pulled off my helmet, and walked up the stairs. He only lived on the sixth floor, and I was back in shape. I opened his door, walked right up to him, and kissed him. He deepened this kiss, and I dropped my helmet.<p>

"If we're going to continue this, we need to shut the door," he breathed into my ear.

I laughed, "No, I need to talk some first. I have to figure this out."

He groaned, and leaned his head on my shoulder, "You shouldn't start things you don't plan on finishing."

I chuckled, and moved to shut the door. He grabbed me before I could get to far. He kissed me again, and pulled away. I kicked the door shut, "To hell with talking." I kissed him again. He pushed me up against a wall. I looked down, "Someone's in a good mood today," I breathed.

He ran his hands up and down my arms, "You have no idea how much I love your muscles. But yes, yes I am."

* * *

><p>We were lying on the floor, with the blanket from the couch wrapped around us. We were both panting heavily. "Where did you learn that move?"<p>

I laughed, "A drug dealer in Jersey."

He snorted, "Did you two…?" He let me guess what he was referring to.

"Yes. I've told you, I have slept around. There are plenty of moves I've tried, and even more that I've heard of."

He just gulped, "You're going to kill me, you know that right?"

I laughed, and rolled halfway onto him. I laid my hand on his chest, and harrumphed, "Suck it up."

He snorted, "And there's my snarky Emily. I had wondered where you'd gotten to. Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this afternoon on. It is now almost dark you know." Whoops. I had gotten back into the cities around two.

My stomach rumbled and I chuckled, "Your message. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was…it was just nice."

I looked at him and he smiled. "I'm going to say something, and I don't expect you to say anything in return. And once I say it, you're going to tell me what Pops did that got you so upset, and we can ignore what I say, but I just need to say it." I nodded. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, and for some reason I was okay with it. He continued, "I love you. And I don't expect you to say it back now, or even anytime in the near future. Hell, I halfway don't expect you to ever say it with everything you've been through. There are other ways of letting people you know you love them. But I just wanted you to hear it, because I'm not sure you've ever heard it that much at all. I know you heard it from your Joe, but I need you to hear it from me. I love you. I will be in your life however you want me for as long as possible. I just love you."

I kissed him to stop his rambling. It seemed incredibly cliché, but it was all I could think of. To make the cliché worse, I added, "I know." To really finish the clichés off, I added, "thank you."


End file.
